My 14 year old daughter wants me to take a poll. She feel's like she should be allowed to hang out with a boy she likes. Go to his house watch a movie With his parents at home, or go to the movies, ball games, Mcdonalds etc...
She has always been pretty responsible and has never gotten into trouble and makes decent grades Not honor roll!
This is her Daughter and I think I should be allowed I am a good student and I am very responsible person. I dont let people take advantage of me in anyway.. I dont think it would hurt for her to cut me a little slack I mean I am a freshman in high school.
And I wouldn't let it get serious.



What do you think?

charlotte234s

I'm just saying, she can have fun, you don't have to watch her every second, but she should not be left to her own devices totally where she could make mistakes, she is still young and will benefit from a little guidance.

Synnen

If she doesn't PARENT, though, how is her daughter going to learn the right way to do things?

She's not that strict. I think the suggestions here are sensible, and a LOT more than what I was allowed at 14.

kp2171

you are absolutely entitled to your opinion.

its not that simple, but you dont sound like a parent. yes, you want to trust your kids... and you also need them to understand the rules and limits. if you dont think there are rules and limits to your freedoms, or at least consequences to your actions when older, you are naive. as a parent, one of your responsibilities is to balance granting freedoms and the opportunity to make good and bad choices alongside reasonable risk managament. over time, you loosen the ties more and more. you dont just cut them altogether on some tuesday at 2PM when a child turns 13.

my daughter was given more freedoms at 14, then 15, then 16, etc... i do agree, as i stated earlier, that its probably "time" to start to let some of these things happen... but as i mentioned, it was always with parents around... none of this completely unsupervised, go wherever you want stuff.

we had a pretty healthy relationship with our daughter. that doesnt mean she didnt try to sneak out... that doesnt mean she always rewarded our trust with acceptable behavior... it doesnt mean she didnt get caught drinking in HS or not being where she promised shed be... trust is given, but tied to a history of making good choices... and its not just black and white as saying if you dont trust them theyll not trust you...

i could give my daugter $1000, the keys to the car, and say "have a nice summer vacation" and shed be fine, making good decisions on her own. think i shouldve done that when she was 16? nope.

likewise, i knew kids who were making dangerous sexual decisions at 14... like it or not, a parent has to balance risk and freedoms. if being a little more present in her life and in her business more than she wanted made her feel like she wasnt trusted, well, in the long run she seems to have come through ok.

when it comes to dating hormones and emotions run mad. you dont, as a parent, say "ok kids... take the house over, close the bedroom door, we are going out for the night. buh-bye!"

most younger people are probably going to push for more freedoms and say the adults are being too strict... and of course most parents here are going to say "tough... you dont know what you dont know"... might be hard to believe but parents "get" the position kids are in more than they think. we have been there. we have had the social pressure. we've survived the noise and we know a lot more about it than youll expect.

but again, you can feel that we are being too tough. my daughter knew friends in HS who had no curfew at all. they could stagger into the house at whatever hour they wanted as long as they had some excuse for where they could be reached, even if they were not there.

my daughter lost 11 friends or people she at least knew during HS... as in they died. died from racing/accidents. one from drinking. another from a gunshot. guess what? they all didnt come from "bad" families. but some clearly were given more freedom than they should have been.

as a parent, you cannot go back and "fix it" after an event like that. so i can live with being more strict than some. my child is alive, not pregnant, in college, and somehow she still managed to grow into a trusting, loving, happy woman.

bushg

I trust my daughter but I realize she is only 14. She trust me as well,we have a pretty good relationship.
She did go to the movies with this boy and some friends and she made him candy for his birthday...but that has been pretty much it. I asked her about him yesterday and she said she was to busy with activities and school work and her family and friends to have a serious boyfriend. But they still talk some. I think she has a pretty good head on her shoulders,,,I'm sure in the future she will like another boy, but I did not think this would take long to tire of and I was right. Too Young!

kp2171

know whats funny... my daughter, both in her freshman year of HS and college did the big social scene push... in HS it was constantly trying to go here or there and be active socially... in college obviously she pretty much set her own limits, but it again was that big social push. that completely on your own for the first time thing.

and in both HS and college she completely changed direction her soph year. she didnt date at all, by her own choice, cause she found other things to do... almost like been there, done that.

its why i did think in your case it was maybe time to give some freedoms with reasonable restrictions... cause after the initial exposure it isnt always as big a deal anymore. but we both know the job isnt done yet. =)

bushg

oh, tell me about it. I had a son turn 18 llast week and my middle child/son is 16, talk about the middle child syndrome...he is driving me nuts!!!!!!!!!!

needinghelp2getonmyfeet

People now days have grown up so fast. I wasn't allowed to date anyone until Iwas sixteen years old. Girls are much more mature now then they were years ago. It wouldn't hurt her to hang out with boys but at the same time she shouldn't depend on them for anything. It's a life changing thing when kids start going "out". It's a learning experience and personally I think the more you allow your children to do the more they will learn out of life. They might get hurt in the end but they will learn from it and use that experience further more in the future. That's my opinion and I hope it helps ya'll. Best of luck with the situation.

stonewilder

I think 14 is too young to date but I see nothing wrong with them hanging out when there is parents present (in the same room).

Baby-_-Girl-_-19

My mom Refused to let me go on actual dates, but she let my boyfriend walk me to and home from ball games, and home from school, she let me go hang out with him at pizza americana, and then with a diffrent boyfriend she let me go to his house and hang out with him and his parents...its all a matter of personal choice, but letting her do small stuff like that keeps her from wanting to rebel, it also gives her an idea of what dating is like without actually letting her date. If she's responsible then she'll make the right choices. You have to trust that you taught her well enough to know right from wrong.

charlotte234s

it's true, you have to giveyour kids a little room to breathe and not smother them, that could make them behave worse, but don't just let them go, they are, after all, kids.