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My 14 year old daughter wants me to take a poll. She feel's like she should be allowed to hang out with a boy she likes. Go to his house watch a movie With his parents at home, or go to the movies, ball games, Mcdonalds etc...
She has always been pretty responsible and has never gotten into trouble and makes decent grades Not honor roll!
This is her Daughter and I think I should be allowed I am a good student and I am very responsible person. I dont let people take advantage of me in anyway.. I dont think it would hurt for her to cut me a little slack I mean I am a freshman in high school.
And I wouldn't let it get serious.
I beg to differ. As a very protective mother, and a mother, not a friend myself, I see no reason teaching the children the proper etiquette of dating at this age.
They will spend more time together only if ALLOWED. Remember who is the parent here. Limits must be set. Parents must keep the limits in check.
Yeah, some parents may give in, but are they really being PARENTS? I've "known" Bushg for a while now and I don't have a problem giving her this advice.
I am 23, just came out of a year plus long relationship a couple of months ago. I started dating my first "real" boyfriend literally two days after I turned 14. My parents never told me I had to be a certain age before I started dating but later told me that if I had found someone before that they probably would have told me to wait. I say "real" because when I was 10 my best friend INSISTED that he was my boyfriend though he never asked me out lol.
The point is, 14 is a good age to start dating. Forget the "chaperoned outings" group or no, because let's be honest, what 14 year old will want to be seen with someone of the opposite sex and a parent hanging in the background. Teens aren't going to see it as "oh look his/her mom/dad cares" but more as "oh he/she has his/her mommy/daddy there, what a loser". Especially with group outings, parents dropping kids off is one thing (who else is going to drive if they're 14?) but then it's time to leave the kids alone to hang out with their friends.
I completely agree with parents being home if the date is at the house, even just one parent is enough, but not hovering. I had a couple of parties (no alcohol or anything like that just a bunch of people hanging out) and even though they were birthday parties actually, my parents stayed out of the room except for when it was time to open gifts (then again those were for my 18th and 19th birthdays so not as relevant).
I know I'm getting long-winded but I want to mention one more thing. There was a thread a while back on here where a kid had just turned 16 and had met a girl through the scouts but his mother, get this one, didn't want him SOCIALIZING with girls until he was 18 preferably 21.
So I say to the mom asking, let your daughter have a date. I say to the daughter, if she tells you to wait then you're stuck waiting and if the guy likes you enough he'll wait as well, but remember starting at 15 or 16 isn't so bad since there are parents out there that would make you wait until you're 18.
It doesn't matter what a 14 year old wants to go out and do, they are not the parent, they don't know what is best for them, the parent has to watch their children, especially in a dating situation.
Chaperoning does not necessarily mean that the parents are hovering over them every second, but can drop them off at the mall and set up meeting times.......Taking them to the movies and the kids see one movie and the parent(s) see another at the same time etc.
They will spend more time together only if ALLOWED. Remember who is the parent here. Limits must be set. Parents must keep the limits in check.
j9 I agree totally with this statement. My husband and I talked and she can go to dances, ball games,to the mall or to a movie with him with the proper chaperones. She knows it will be an occasional date. We really had to spell it out, so that she totally understands how much time she can spend with this boy. We are not going to let it get out of hand. She also has 2 brothers in the same school. They are super protective. I really think she will be ok. She'll probably only like him for a month at the most anyway.
know the parents. be involved. start to plan how you will allow dating... even if its not now, its sooner than you think, so better to think about what you want it to look like.
our daughter, now 21, began going out with groups around 14-ish. very public places (mall, movie, etc) and commonly with a parent around. no hanging around in a basement at some kids house unless you really, really knew the parents and you knew theyd be as present as you would be in your house. in our house the only movies that could be group watched were in public rooms. no bedrooms.
by hs it gets harder... you have a dance that freshman can attend? well, thats starting to push the dating buttons... not that you have to date the person you go with... but it does start those wheels turning. our daughter had her first serious bf her freshman year. it was managable. just takes work on the parents side.
I've found that letting young girls be with boys 1 on 1 or in private situations too early only leads to bad things, they need to be supervised or in a public situation, even the most sensible girl can lose her head when she likes a boy and make bad decisions.
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