Ok...I have been reading a lot of your posts, and here is what I feel is happening to you:
Most likely NOTHING (it is possible you have some depression), but most likely the only thing you're suffering from is a lack of attention from your parents. It seems that you are almost looking up to people who truly have these problems, because you see the attention they are receiving. I know because I did a lot of the same things, only I did it because for some reason it wasn't "ok" with me to be a good "normal" kid. I've always craved attention, which is why I became an actress. My advice is that you find something (like acting or painting) to express this negative behavior. Find something you love and focus on that. If you spend your whole life looking at others and wanting to be anyone but yourself, you're making it that much harder for you to figure out who YOU really are. It is so important that you look inside yourself and realize your special talents. Let me know how it goes, and trust me...being able to cut without dying is NOT a talent
Take care sweetie, I really do hope you find the brighter side of life. You are your biggest critic, but also your biggest fan
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