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My 15 y.o. son is not speaking to me again. This has been going on since mid December of '05. He tells me he hates me and that as far as he is concerned, he hopes that he never sees me again. He hates me with every bone in his body. Calls me names like c***, idiot, etc.
I am trying to understand why my son speaks to me the way he does and has no respect for me at all. He seems to actually enjoy hurting me and watching me suffer.
Why is he able to so easily detach himself from his me? Months and months have gone by; no communication from him whatsoever. I truly thought that I was a good mom, not perfect but one who loved her son with all of her heart and soul. I have searched deep inside to try to figure out what I have done to deserve this from my own son, but have come up empty.
He is depressed and angry. He lives with his father who allows him to do whatever he wants, when he wants. Much easier to be a friend to our son than a parent. He has gone from all A's in school to all F's, he has been expelled from school and has been arrested 3 times. All of this in just a few short months. He has been spiraling downhill for a couple of years now, but most especially over the last 6 months.
Any thoughts or suggestions? I miss him so, but need to find some peace for my own well being.
Hi,
I am sorry to read about this, and your son does have a problem. This is one indication of drugs; but not always. Something that drastically changes the "thinking" of a person has to be dealt with.
I am 64, married 29 yrs, with my wife and I raising 3 children, who are now grown and moved away for better jobs. We have 1 grandson.
First, it's not your fault!!! So please, stop thinking it is. Since your son lives with his father, then the father is the one who should be seeing all this, and taking appropriate actions. Your own well-being is up to you, and I know it must be hard seeing this happening, and can't do anything about it.
His father needs to take your son to Counseling, going with him. You both should go with your son to talk with someone, if he will go with both of you.
If his father won't "hear of it", and your son won't go with you to some type of counseling, then I really don't know much you can do.
I do wish you the best, and please don't think all this is your fault; it isn't. His father has seen this happening, and not done anything to try helping with it.
Best of luck.
I agree with what Fredg is saying. Even if its not drugs your son is at that rebelous age, and will do anything to upset you.
Counselling is probably a good idea, although i very much doubt your son will be willing to go. But you are his mum as u know whats best for him, so even if it mean dragging him from ears, and his father should know better and agree with you for your sons well-being.
Good Luck.
I would say that going back to court and trying to force the court make your ex take responsiblity or action is needed.
This is one of the biggest signs of drug usage that you can see. Not saying it is, but big chance it is.
And as a non costodial parent, you have almost no say, nothing you can make them do. Without going though the court system.
Also the other idea is that your ex hates you so much he has turned your son against you, that happens alot also. He hears dad say that you are a ..... and a ..... all the time and soon he believes it.
he also maynot understand why he is with his dad and not you, and blames you for that.
Thank you for your empathy and insight. Yes, my son is using drugs and swears that he will never give it up (marijuana). Only through a probation hearing has my request for counseling been heard. He is being drug tested on a regular basis as part of his contract with the school district, but that will only last as long as he has to be in the program.
My ex husband can't seem to put our past in the past. He lies to me on a continuous basis regarding our son or just "forgets" to keep me informed about our son, (we have joint legal custody). He insists that he can't force our son to get the help that he needs. I don't get it!
If you know of any support groups for parents going through similar problems, I would appreciate very much if you would forward the information to me.
Thank you for your suggestion. I went to the website and unfortunately there are not any meetings where I live. How might I go about seeing that one gets started?
Often times our group will go out to the smaller centers and help them get started. It's helpful, but not necessary to have someone with experience come out and provide you an example of how they operate.
If there is a group near you, you can contact them to see if they are willing to help you. You can also contact the FA World Service Office via the website for information on how to start a local chapter.
You seem like a great mom and I too have got great parents. Maybe perhaps its something genetic (a teacher of mine said that sometimes a persons personality is genetic, like for example I watched this documentary on how they found out that there might actually be a 'criminal gene').
You mentioned that all this has happend very recently. Well this is typical since once kid gets into trouble once, he starts to feel like a badboy and has no trouble doing it again. I remember when I drove my dads car (an expensive new Jaguar S-type) without a licence and insurance. After that I felt like a badboy, and continued. I then crashed it and it was totally wrecked it. Since ive got very understanding parents, they actually let it go by (this is when I knew that I could do anything without getting into trouble... perhaps thats what your son is going through now). After that I felt like a real badboy and started doing all sorts of stuff. Again, since ive got very understanding parents, they sent me to this therapist/conseling guy and he sorted me all out.. so yeah now id conisder myself as a 'goodkid'.
Maybe your son needs some counceling/therapy... it really helped me big time, maybe it'll help urs too (especially before he does something real bad, like me wrecking my dad's pride & joy car lol).
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