I just found out that my 14 yr old had sex. My heart is broken because she always promised she would wait till marriage. I feel like she lied to me and betrayed my trust. I'm not sure what to do. Take her to a doctor - Yes! But punishment? The damage is done. Please advise!

younglady13

that's what i been tring to say

Homegirl 50

At her age any punishment is going to be seen as extreme and "momma trying to ruin my fun"
She would be punished or grounded if she were mine. She would have a strict curfew and would not go anyplace unless I took her. No dating and monitored phone calls. She would have to seriously regain my trust.

younglady13

you have to give a punishment that doesn't seem like a punishment or a small one

Homegirl 50

If you're going to give a punishment that does not seem like one, or a small one, what is the point? You give a punishment that fits the crime so the person thinks about what they did and the conseqenses. And you don't make it easy for them to do it again

younglady13

if she understands what she did and knows that the next time she does it you will crack down harder why punish

angel0772001

maybe you should see if anyone that you know has a baby thats fairly young where they have to watch the baby and get up with it at night thats a big lesson to learn. i had to learn it the hard way. i got pregnant in school barely graduated and never got to go to college. i love my daughter and all but i wished i would have waited. If you want me to message her on here and talk to her just let me know im more than willing to

alkalineangel

because you learn from punishment....would you tell a person who commits a crime against someone else that as long as they understnad what they did they can go on, but next time they will "really" get it??? no...the problem with children (and yes 14 is a child) is that if you give even one inch with them, they will learn that and use it against you. If you keep threatening punishmnet but never enforce it, they will learn that. at 14 if my child was caught having sex, her phone would be revoked, she would be driven to and from school by me, nd she would not go out with friends unless I personally were chaperoning. simple....she may hate me for it now, but she will respect me for it later.

Homegirl 50

You punish so there won't be a next time. The next time she could get pregnant or an STD or hurt some other way.

Baby-_-Girl-_-19

I wasnt saying that she shouldnt be punished, she should, But grounding her for eternity and locking that are only going to tick her off, and quite frankly if my mom had done that to me, i would've found a way to get out of her sight and do exactly what she didnt want me to just to spite her. All im saying is that before she can be punished she needs to FULLY understand the wieght of what she did, and why her mom is reacting the way she is. To most teens sex is not a big deal, its extremly casual, they dont even think about the things that can happen to them. The making her baby sit idea, and the mother daughter discussion are both extremly good ways to punish her but also get her to see what shes doing. As far as punishment goes i wasnt saying let her go out and do whatever she wants, i was saying that yes she needs to EARN her freedom back BUT she also needs to feel like she can trust her mom with information like that, hows she going to be able to if her mom grounds her for the rest of her life?

Stare At The Sun

I have a friend whose mother found out she was having sex and she is 14. Her mum made her get an implanon so she doesn't get pregnant, she also buys her condoms. There's also another girl in my year level whose pregnant and the babies due in January.

I don't think you should punish her. Talk to her about how you feel and listen to how she feels about it. If you punish her and tell her not to have sex she'll find some way of doing it behind your back. The most you can do is make sure she's using protection so she won't get pregnant or get STD's