14 yr old had sex - I'm lost at what to do?

Denise1128 · Dec 4, 2007, 08:40 AM

I just found out that my 14 yr old had sex. My heart is broken because she always promised she would wait till marriage. I feel like she lied to me and betrayed my trust. I'm not sure what to do. Take her to a doctor - Yes! But punishment? The damage is done. Please advise!

younglady13 · Dec 4, 2007, 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thereisno4evr

Every teen rebels in some form throughout there life.
Im not saying that no form of punishment should be issued, although think long term aswell.
Harsh punishments such as synen sugested will seriously affect her in the future. She is only 14, do you think that many/any 14 y/o's could deal with that level of emotional stress?
Be reasonable im shure that you have done things you were not ment to when you where younger.

also true

alkalineangel · Dec 4, 2007, 10:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thereisno4evr

Every teen rebels in some form throughout there life.
Im not saying that no form of punishment should be issued, although think long term aswell.
Harsh punishments such as synen sugested will seriously affect her in the future. She is only 14, do you think that many/any 14 y/o's could deal with that level of emotional stress?
Be reasonable im shure that you have done things you were not ment to when you where younger.

it is far less harsh or stressful than a REAL child, abortion or STD...the things I did at that age were far less severe than sex...come on.. this is the problem with our society today, and no one even sees it. A parent needs to be a parent. This girl will not be emotionally scarred over missing her prom or doing some volunteer work.

Synnen · Dec 4, 2007, 10:11 PM

"not meant to"

Like, what? She tripped, her clothes got stuck on a nail, they ripped off, and she accidently fell on his penis? Are you kidding?

The emotional consequences of being used for sex, being dumped as a teen by your "first", getting pregnant, false alarms about being pregnant, worrying about STDs, wondering if he really loves you or whether he just wants to get into your pants, wondering if the NEXT guy only wants to date you because you've already had sex with ONE guy so he thinks you'll have sex with HIM too, focusing more on dating than school, dealing with the loss of trust between you and your parents, dealing with HAVING an STD, becoming sterile from an STD because you didn't tell anyone about it because you were young and stupid and left it too long to be treated, signing away your parental rights in an adoption knowing you'll never see your child again, having an abortion because you KNOW you can't be a parent yet--don't you think any or all of these things are a little more "emotionally stressful" than having to volunteer one day a week for a school year?

Get real.

Homegirl 50 · Dec 4, 2007, 10:13 PM

What is more emotional stressful than getting pregant at 14 or getting an STD or having sex as casual as shaking hands that by the time you're out of HS you can't remember how many guys you've had sex with.?
Showing your 14 the consequenses of casual sex and having them miss a prom is a peice of cake.

thereisno4evr · Dec 4, 2007, 10:16 PM

No i agree it is less harsh. But she did not get pregnant or an std prehaps because she was smart enough to be safe in thoes areas.
I agree this girl will not be emotionally scarred over missing her prom or doing some volunteer work, but making her talk with aids victims, removing her from her social circle for a whole 9 months and some of the other ideas sugested would.

Also just because the things YOU did at that age where not as servere as sex dosent mean that others did not do things FAR worse, i shure no that i did.

younglady13 · Dec 4, 2007, 10:19 PM

no girl should have to miss her prom

Homegirl 50 · Dec 4, 2007, 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thereisno4evr

Every teen rebels in some form throughout there life.
Im not saying that no form of punishment should be issued, although think long term as well.
Harsh punishments such as synen suggested will seriously affect her in the future. She is only 14, do you think that many/any 14 y/o's could deal with that level of emotional stress?
Be reasonable im sure that you have done things you were not meant to when you where younger.

Seriously affect her future how?
She'll be scarred for life if she has to see the effects of STDs ,how teenage pregnancy affects the life of not only her, but the child she has. She'll be scarred if she can't go to the prom? Give me a break.
She'll be seriously put out if she gets pregnant or gets Herpes or finds herself 18 years of age and having had sex with more boys than she can remember.

alkalineangel · Dec 4, 2007, 10:25 PM

sex before one is ready to care for a child is not being smart, protected or not, it can always happen.
Prom is not that big of a deal, it would not scar the girl beyond her highschool years
I dont care what others are doing, she should be smart enough to know there are consequences to every choice she makes...

obviously, if the excuse, that others are doing it is used here (which it most likely would be) then removeing her from that social group would be nothing but the best for her.

younglady13 · Dec 4, 2007, 10:25 PM

if a girl gets pregnat it is the parents fault

Homegirl 50 · Dec 4, 2007, 10:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thereisno4evr

No i agree it is less harsh. But she did not get pregnant or an std prehaps because she was smart enough to be safe in thoes areas.
I agree this girl will not be emotionally scarred over missing her prom or doing some volunteer work, but making her talk with aids victims, removing her from her social circle for a whole 9 months and some of the other ideas sugested would.

Also just because the things YOU did at that age where not as servere as sex dosent mean that others did not do things FAR worse, i shure no that i did.

See that is what you're no getting. If a child is allowed to continue down the wrong path, that aid victum could be her, her being rmoved from her circle of friends could be her. There are consequences for actions and it is a parent's responsibility to make sure a child knows that.
You can't just let your kids grow up doing whatever they want to do and then say "oh well, I did things to" They need to know that when they do certain things, there are consequenses and "this" is what they are. Do you want to be in this person's shoes?



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