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I just found out that my 14 yr old had sex. My heart is broken because she always promised she would wait till marriage. I feel like she lied to me and betrayed my trust. I'm not sure what to do. Take her to a doctor - Yes! But punishment? The damage is done. Please advise!
If aa teenager feels that they can find another way to go about doing something that they should not be doing just to spite their mother or just because they want to and feel that rules are not meant to be followed by them personaly, then that teenager has bigger issues than just having sex. That teenager needs a serious wake up call about how the real world works. I would start by stripping her of all useless and unneeded possessions, and then if that would not work, she would be sent of for additional disciplinary actions, because it would mean that somewhere the parenting failed. the problem with teenagers today is that they are so spoiled and sheltered, that they actually think they are untouchable...when in fact they are the most susceptible to danger.
I dont have a problem with people having sex before marriage, but 14 is far too young. at 18 when she is an adult, she can do as she pleases, but until then, its my way or no way.
Im not saying 14 isnt too young...im saying that i've been on the recieving end of that conversation...my mom was understanding about it and didnt freak out and im thankful that she didnt...but had she freaked out on me that is what i would've done...not saying that its right...i did need a wake up call, it was called my mothers disapointment. That was enough for me, but if my mom had gotten angry and completly shut me off then i wouldn't have cared, i would've wanted to prove something....im not exactly sure but something...Being spoiled and sheltered isnt the the only reason that a teen would act like that...it also comes from having all of your freedom stripped and not quite getting why...if they dont see whats wrong with what they've done then its not im being punished for making bad choices...im being punished because my moms unfair....or because my mom doesnt get it...a kid (which is what she is) NEEDS to FULLY understand whats so wrong about having sex at 14...
I have a friend whose mother found out she was having sex and she is 14. Her mum made her get an implanon so she doesn't get pregnant, she also buys her condoms. There's also another girl in my year level whose pregnant and the babies due in January.
I don't think you should punish her. Talk to her about how you feel and listen to how she feels about it. If you punish her and tell her not to have sex she'll find some way of doing it behind your back. The most you can do is make sure she's using protection so she won't get pregnant or get Stds
If I don't like or want my 14 year old to have sex, I'm certainly not going to enable her to do it. It is not just pregnancy and STD. There is the emotional issues of sex 14 year olds are not equipped for. She would not be given the freedom to do what she has no business doing. It is reneging on your parental obligation to just say well "I'll just make sure she does not get pregnant." No, you do your best to prevent them from engaging in harmful behavior.
Im not saying 14 isnt too young...im saying that i've been on the recieving end of that conversation...my mom was understanding about it and didnt freak out and im thankful that she didnt...but had she freaked out on me that is what i would've done...not saying that its right...i did need a wake up call, it was called my mothers disapointment. That was enough for me, but if my mom had gotten angry and completly shut me off then i wouldn't have cared, i would've wanted to prove something....im not exactly sure but something...Being spoiled and sheltered isnt the the only reason that a teen would act like that...it also comes from having all of your freedom stripped and not quite getting why...if they dont see whats wrong with what they've done then its not im being punished for making bad choices...im being punished because my moms unfair....or because my mom doesnt get it...a kid (which is what she is) NEEDS to FULLY understand whats so wrong about having sex at 14...
Im not saying that you dont sit down and discuss either Im all for discussion adn making it clear that she was wrong, but a slap on the hand will not work here, teen who disrespects me by lying to my face and doing what i asked her not to do will lose any and all privileges. I dont care if she doesnt like it, she made her choice and must suffer the consequences..You are forgetting that this girl has virrtually slapped her mother in the face by her lies. It is not a time to be your daughters friends, it is the time to be her mother. And a teen that throws a tantrum by "acting out" because she was stripped of her priveleges is a spoiled child...no matter how you look at it. a teen is a teen....When she can pay her way through life on her own, then she can decide what is best for herself and until a person is 18, at least in the US, that is practically impossible. , until then, I am obligated as a mother to ensure her safety until she is an adult. Teenagers forget that their parents are punished now a days for their reckless behavior. i will be damned if my child think they can be so disrespectful of elders.
She's grounded, but not to her room, or the house, or from her friends, or whatever.
First of all--no more seeing whatever boy it was. Or, if she CAN see him, it's only with you in the same room. Monitor her computer and phone use, too...IMs, emails, and texts can get pretty naughty.
Second--the grounding will consist of every Saturday for the next 9 months (the length of a pregnancy), and she should spend it volunteering at different agencies that deal with teen pregnancy. She should have to witness a birthparent signing away their rights in court, and then the parting of the birthparent from their child forever.
She should have to spend time with someone who has AIDS.
She should have to help out in a daycare for teen moms.
She should have to stay home with her "baby" for at least 1 important event during her school year (something like Prom).
She should have to speak with someone who has had an abortion.
She should have to talk with someone who is now sterile due to an STD.
If she has a young cousin who is old enough to spend the night at your house, she should have complete responsibility for the child for 24 hours (with you in the house, of course, but she should have to take care of EVERYTHING, from diapers, to bottles/food, dishes, bath, bedtime, getting up in the night, etc).
YOU should be involved too--ask her about what she's learning, or go with her so that you can discuss it with her.
One day a week, for 9 months, especially a "free" day sounds like a pretty horrible punishment. But--compared to a pregnancy, she's getting off pretty light.
She's grounded, but not to her room, or the house, or from her friends, or whatever.
First of all--no more seeing whatever boy it was. Or, if she CAN see him, it's only with you in the same room. Monitor her computer and phone use, too...IMs, emails, and texts can get pretty naughty.
Second--the grounding will consist of every Saturday for the next 9 months (the length of a pregnancy), and she should spend it volunteering at different agencies that deal with teen pregnancy. She should have to witness a birthparent signing away their rights in court, and then the parting of the birthparent from their child forever.
She should have to spend time with someone who has AIDS.
She should have to help out in a daycare for teen moms.
She should have to stay home with her "baby" for at least 1 important event during her school year (something like Prom).
She should have to speak with someone who has had an abortion.
She should have to talk with someone who is now sterile due to an STD.
If she has a young cousin who is old enough to spend the night at your house, she should have complete responsibility for the child for 24 hours (with you in the house, of course, but she should have to take care of EVERYTHING, from diapers, to bottles/food, dishes, bath, bedtime, getting up in the night, etc).
YOU should be involved too--ask her about what she's learning, or go with her so that you can discuss it with her.
One day a week, for 9 months, especially a "free" day sounds like a pretty horrible punishment. But--compared to a pregnancy, she's getting off pretty light.
She's grounded, but not to her room, or the house, or from her friends, or whatever.
First of all--no more seeing whatever boy it was. Or, if she CAN see him, it's only with you in the same room. Monitor her computer and phone use, too...IMs, emails, and texts can get pretty naughty.
Second--the grounding will consist of every Saturday for the next 9 months (the length of a pregnancy), and she should spend it volunteering at different agencies that deal with teen pregnancy. She should have to witness a birthparent signing away their rights in court, and then the parting of the birthparent from their child forever.
She should have to spend time with someone who has AIDS.
She should have to help out in a daycare for teen moms.
She should have to stay home with her "baby" for at least 1 important event during her school year (something like Prom).
She should have to speak with someone who has had an abortion.
She should have to talk with someone who is now sterile due to an STD.
If she has a young cousin who is old enough to spend the night at your house, she should have complete responsibility for the child for 24 hours (with you in the house, of course, but she should have to take care of EVERYTHING, from diapers, to bottles/food, dishes, bath, bedtime, getting up in the night, etc).
YOU should be involved too--ask her about what she's learning, or go with her so that you can discuss it with her.
One day a week, for 9 months, especially a "free" day sounds like a pretty horrible punishment. But--compared to a pregnancy, she's getting off pretty light.
Had to spread the love Synn - but this is a FABULOUS answer!!
She's grounded, but not to her room, or the house, or from her friends, or whatever.
First of all--no more seeing whatever boy it was. Or, if she CAN see him, it's only with you in the same room. Monitor her computer and phone use, too...IMs, emails, and texts can get pretty naughty.
Second--the grounding will consist of every Saturday for the next 9 months (the length of a pregnancy), and she should spend it volunteering at different agencies that deal with teen pregnancy. She should have to witness a birthparent signing away their rights in court, and then the parting of the birthparent from their child forever.
She should have to spend time with someone who has AIDS.
She should have to help out in a daycare for teen moms.
She should have to stay home with her "baby" for at least 1 important event during her school year (something like Prom).
She should have to speak with someone who has had an abortion.
She should have to talk with someone who is now sterile due to an STD.
If she has a young cousin who is old enough to spend the night at your house, she should have complete responsibility for the child for 24 hours (with you in the house, of course, but she should have to take care of EVERYTHING, from diapers, to bottles/food, dishes, bath, bedtime, getting up in the night, etc).
YOU should be involved too--ask her about what she's learning, or go with her so that you can discuss it with her.
One day a week, for 9 months, especially a "free" day sounds like a pretty horrible punishment. But--compared to a pregnancy, she's getting off pretty light.
Every teen rebels in some form throughout there life.
Im not saying that no form of punishment should be issued, although think long term aswell.
Harsh punishments such as synen sugested will seriously affect her in the future. She is only 14, do you think that many/any 14 y/o's could deal with that level of emotional stress?
Be reasonable im shure that you have done things you were not ment to when you where younger.
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