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americanjeannie · Jan 31, 2007, 04:45 PM

My husband loaned my 26 year old son $500 to help him relocate for a better employment opportunity. My son now has a job earning $32/hr. and refuses to pay my husband. We are storing my sons stuff here for him. He is planning on coming from out of state to visit. Can I withhold his stuff or sell it if he refuses to pay my husband back? Thanks!

RubyPitbull · Jan 31, 2007, 05:15 PM

How long ago was this loan? If it is only a few months, legally you cannot just sell his stuff. If it was more than a year ago, unless you have written documentation that you gave him an ultimatum (you want your money, otherwise his items will be sold by such and such a date), it is going to be difficult to convince the small claims court, if he sues you over selling his items, that you asked him to pick up his stuff. If you agreed to store his things until he returned for them, that is kind of an open ended agreement and it wouldn't be legal to just sell his stuff.

You need to think about a few things. If you sold his stuff, do you think he would sue you over it? If so, you don't want to do that just yet.

Was this $500 loan a verbal loan? Does it say loan on the memo portion of the cancelled check? (Just remember you cannot fill it in as an afterthought, the bank has a copy of it).
Are you prepared to sue you son over this?

I am so sorry that you are having this kind of family turmoil over $500.

I do have a suggestion. How long have you stored his stuff? Has it been quite a while? Why not send him a bill for storage? If it has been a year and he has a lot of stuff, I would take an inventory of his stuff and bill him $40 per month for storage. Not an unreasonable amount. Before you give him the bill, try to have a sit down with him about why he feels he doesn't feel obligated to repay the loan. Face to face it is harder to say no to someone, than by phone. If he flatly refuses and feels it is your obligation as parents to help him out when he needs the help, remind him that although that is true, it is legally only up to the age of 18. He needs to understand he is a man now and he needs to honor his obligations. Ask him if it is worth causing this divide between you. If he is that unreasonable, give him the bill. See what happens. If he doesn't return your $500, then you need to decide if you want to go the legal route and sue him.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 31, 2007, 05:49 PM

Give him his stuff, don't get into who can be the biggest jerk.

Let him know he is doing you wrong and has treated your husband wrong and should be ashamed of hisself.

But with most family loans, one should expect to never get it back when you make it, ( honestly) Parents help their kids, and kids are jerks about paying it back, that is life.

americanjeannie · Feb 1, 2007, 06:43 AM

Thanks for your opinion Fr_Chuck

I wasn't thinking in terms of being a jerk back to him... but in terms of consequences. I have "helped" my son many times and loaned him money before, which was never paid back... and those loans were forgiven.

But I guess at this stage he is too old to try to teach anything he refused to learn as a child.

My son is being worse than a jerk... my husband immigrated here 2 years ago. To earn the money he loaned my son, my husband worked out in the freezing cold in the middle of the night as a University security guard for $7.00/hr. Even though my husband has his chemistry degree he was willing to do whatever job he could no matter what the pay, as long as it was legal. My husband has never had the expectation that my son would pay him back... but, has lost respect for my son.

ScottGem · Feb 1, 2007, 07:04 AM

Originally Posted by RubyPitbull

Why not send him a bill for storage? ... bill him $40 per month for storage.

I like this idea. Send him a bill. Make it up lilke a real invoice (you can use a Word processor or spreadsheet to do it). At the bottom of the bill, put a note that property cannot be retrieved until bill paid in full.

RubyPitbull · Feb 1, 2007, 07:06 AM

AmericanJeanne:

I am truly sorry for the family strife. Am I wrong to assume that your husband is this boy's stepfather? This could be the reason for your son to be acting like a child. He resents his stepfather's presence and wants to create friction between you and your husband. You husband sounds like a wonderful man to take on a job just to get extra money for someone who is not his son. You are a very lucky woman to have a spouse that obviously loves you this much.

I guess it is one of those things you have to chalk up to life experience with your son. You know what his patterns are here. As Father Chuck suggested, just give him his stuff. And, never loan him any money ever again. If the other loans were forgiven, in the scheme of things, $500 isn't worth dividing your family over.

I hope this forum has helped you. Good Luck!

americanjeannie · Feb 1, 2007, 11:58 AM

Thanks for the input everyone. I emailed my son and in a civil factual manor pointed out issues of integrity; reminded him what my husband sacrificed for him when no one else was willing; and that just as my son trusted us with his stuff my husband trusted my son to repay him. He has talked about taking a vacation, how he loans money to his friends. So I asked if he was even considering repaying his loan.

His responding email was explosive and abusive. Every other word was an obscenity. Complete with the threat that if I asked again (this is only the 2nd time I have mentioned it in one year) he would stop talking to me all together.

My response was: based on the obscenities and abuse of his email that stopping communication with him effective immediately and until he apologized and repaid the money. I personally feel that verbal abuse is as bad as any other kind of abuse. So I don't need to be subjected to it on any level.

It became apparent in the tone and tenor of his email that he may be using drugs again. 6 years ago he lived with me, refused to work. I gave him many incentives. I let him use my car to go for a job interview. He returned the next morning with empty beer cans in the back of my car and a dent in the front. He was abusive when I asked him about how the dent got there? On the same level as his email. So I packed his things and put him out. He went to some rehab and seemed to be pulling it together and said he had stopped drinking and drugging. This seemed to be evident in his being able to obtain and maintain at a great job. But his email is so reminiscent of his behavior before... I'm thinking he has fallen off the wagon again.

So, I am going to haul his stuff over to his friends house. When he comes back for a visit he can pick it up there.

Thanks for everyone's input.

RubyPitbull · Feb 1, 2007, 12:09 PM

Oh, AJ. :( I am truly sorry to hear this. But, for what it is worth, I think you did the right thing with the e-mail and I think you are doing the right thing just dumping his stuff at his friends. Within the next week, after you have calmed down, you may want to write him a short letter telling him that you will not be storing his things anymore and his friend has agreed to take on the responsibility.

My thought on this is, if he is back on drugs, he might be lying about having a good job, extra money,. If he is doing drugs and runs out of money, he sounds unstable enough at this point in time, that he might slap you with a lawsuit for a monetary judgement to replace his items. The letter would cover you. Just something to consider.