1) You must download Form W-7 from
Internal Revenue Service, fill it out, sign it, staple a
notarized copy of your passport to the W-7, then paperclip both of these documents to your joint tax return, which must be mailed to the address in the W-7 instructions. Your name should be under your spouse's name, with the SSN area left BLANK!
The IRS will review the documents, issue the ITIN, insert the ITIN in the blank SSN area, then process the return. They will send you the ITIN under separate correspondence. This process normally takes 4-6 weeks.
2) You cannot efile this year. Issuance of the ITIN must be handled through regular mail.
3) You have no alternatives. If your husband file separately (not a wise move as that cuts your exemptions and standard deduction in half), he STILL needs you to have an ITIN because he must provide your name and ITIN on his Married Filing Separately tax return.
BOTTOM LINE: Complete the W-7 and file jointly. With luck, you will get your refund in late February/early March.