Girl starting over now that she grew up.

I am a 27 year old female in Texas. I have been married since I was 19. I have an IRA and a 401K from my last job that I was planning to rollover into the IRA. My husband does not have either or know how much I have in each. I don't have any substantial amount of cash. I do have a "secret" bank account that I have been able to put $100. A month in but I have only had it for a few months so I am close to $900. -nothing substantial. My husband is horrible with money and if he knew I had that, it would be gone. I have recently interviewed for a job in Arizona which I feel pretty confident about getting an offer from. The original plan was that my husband would help me move there. Now, he may lose his job so I really can't rely on that. I would like to separate. If I get the job offer, I fear I won't be able to get there. They are not offering relocation assistance. The only way I see a way is to cash the 401K. I have heard of taking loans on 401K's but I don't think I could just use a portion, I think I will need it all, less for taxes and penalty fees. I believe I could leave the IRA in tact. I would not normally plan on cashing it out, but I really don't see any other option and I think I am still young enough to start saving again, after I get out of this situation. I don't know what it costs to cash it, when to pay taxes, where/how to pay and how long it takes to get it or if I am even able. If possible, I would like to pay all of the fees up front and be free and clear of that debt rather than putting it off. What do I need to know about doing this if I can, or is there any other option someone else may see? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!