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Hi
I have found myself on a soul searching journey. I have been married for 12 years and have a 7 year old son. I had a tough upbringing, had some traumas experienced and also some serious failed relationships before I married and now at 38 years of age over the past 4 months I have found myself at a crossroad. I am in the throws of seperating from a wife who professes to love me dearly but I do not feel the same as I feel no inner happiness. I instead find myself in love with another married woman (36) who finds herself in the same position of her life and who cares for me intensely. I find myself on a new path of discovery. I had been the peacemaker most of my life, non violent and always caring putting others before me, making all happy, except myself and in the long run I have made myself unhappy and found myself unfullfilled, unhappy and in debt. I am in a career that I loathes but believe my calling is in helping others, in motivating and seeing good in themselves. Spirituality has interested me for a long time, and now that I find myself in the throws of my position I find myself, the need to delve into my deeper spiritual self is now more profound than before. I yearn to find my purpose, and I yearn to find that harmony and inner peace. Is this possible and how? Am I alone in this?
Peacemaker
Hi
I have found myself on a soul searching journey. I have been married for 12 years and have a 7 year old son. I had a tough upbringing, had some traumas experienced and also some serious failed relationships before I married and now at 38 years of age over the past 4 months I have found myself at a crossroad. I am in the throws of separating from a wife who professes to love me dearly but I do not feel the same as I feel no inner happiness. I instead find myself in love with another married woman (36) who finds herself in the same position of her life and who cares for me intensely. I find myself on a new path of discovery. I had been the peacemaker most of my life, non violent and always caring putting others before me, making all happy, except myself and in the long run I have made myself unhappy and found myself unfulfilled, unhappy and in debt. I am in a career that I loathes but believe my calling is in helping others, in motivating and seeing good in themselves. Spirituality has interested me for a long time, and now that I find myself in the throws of my position I find myself, the need to delve into my deeper spiritual self is now more profound than before. I yearn to find my purpose, and I yearn to find that harmony and inner peace. Is this possible and how? Am I alone in this?
Peacemaker
If you want to find inner peace, the first thing you need to do is confess the sin of adultery to God and repent. All this internal turmoil you're feeling is due to sin.
If you don't want to deal with that, stop lying and cheating, divorce your wife get with your girl friend and go in your journey.
Savedsinner is right It is not about finding religion but finding a relationship with God and growing spiritually.
Religion is man's tradition and man telling you how the religion thinks to be a Christian.
To really be free in your spirit to God you have to do as Homegirl said and give up the sin(s) and that will bring you closer to God and direction for you. When you are in sin you are worried about keeping the lifestyle up and it takes away from following the right path. Example: You feel God tells you to live in the city and reach the poor, you are too busy thinking about how to please that girl that wants you to spend all your money and time on her. Your energy goes to pleasing the girl and put off what you feel God wants.
I am in the same place as you basically, I want to do something spiritually fulfilling like help the homeless and so forth but I am not sure how when I can barely afford to leave my house.
Spend time reading spiritual type things but be careful they are leading you the right direction. There are a lot of places and teaching now that are false, even within the Christian churches. Even a lot of the 'church' TV evangelists are more motivational speakers than preachers and if you want to watch them you need to keep that in mind. Like I love Joel Osteen but he isn't necessarily teaching the Bible as much as he is common sense and self improvement.
You need to pray for discerning of spirits and God to lead you to the right places at the right time and so forth so you don't fall for any teaching that comes down the pike.
Soul searching is good. And cross roads aren't all that bad either. Some people think thinking about their own happiness means that they are being selfish. But the truth is, no one can take proper care of anyone else until they can take care of themselves. Spirituality is good, too. Helping people is good. Sounds to me like you need some time to yourself. What are the chances of getting some time and space to yourself and try a bit of meditating. Try to separate yourself from your wife and child occasionally mentally if not physically. It's not her fault you are going through this try to be kind. The world outside is a reflection of the world inside. Become calmer inside and your life will become calmer, too. And no, you are not alone.
Soul searching is good. And cross roads aren't all that bad either. Some people think thinking about their own happiness means that they are being selfish. But the truth is, no one can take proper care of anyone else until they can take care of themselves. Spirituality is good, too. Helping people is good. Sounds to me like you need some time to yourself. What are the chances of getting some time and space to yourself and try a bit of meditating. Try to separate yourself from your wife and child occasionally mentally if not physically. It's not her fault you are going through this try to be kind. The world outside is a reflection of the world inside. Become calmer inside and your life will become calmer, too. And no, you are not alone.
I thank you for your response Bluerose. I sense some real understanding from you and that means alot to me. I am currently seeing a therapist with treatment based on spirituality and me. It has emerged that my childhood has many "demons" in it and because of this I have found myself where I am at. My relationship with my parents, I thought was ok, has emerged that it has never been ok. I have found alot of inner peace but my wife has not been fully understanding. The other woman, has been my pillar of strenght at these times and of which has meant alot to me. I have unfortunately found that I have not lived, and my needs and desires have changed since starting to find inner peace. I feel the need to move on and be on my own. My wife and I do not communicate much, especially over the past 4/5months. It has been learned that we have in actual fact lived past each other the past 7 years even though I have been married 12 years. She is pityful towards herself, and I have become more at peace........ thanx again for your response. I often try take time out to be on my own. I enjoy the outdoors, nature, the quietness and fresh air...... Peacekeeper
How are things now? Have you come to any decisions about talking to your other half? Have you decided it would be best to move on or do you want to go on with things as they are?
No one who is in "love" and has allowed the other person to be "in love" with them is spiritual at all, they are living in the flesh, and are not peace makers but trouble makers.
If you want to find peace in your life, stop having any contact with this marrried women, get marriage couseling for your marriage and see if it can be saved.
And stop trying to blame inner peace for a failure to work on your marriage.
Those answers(and resulting peace and happiness) you are looking for can only be found **within yourself**. There are no answers in other people, activities, dogmas, and distractions like an affair and the resultant drama.
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