I'm just writing, I guess at my last attempt to reach out. I am at my breaking point and I don't understand God's reason for giving me this type of pain. And, honestly I am getting very, very close to throwing in the towel...

I keep getting my heartbroken; I go out with new eligible guys and get rejected. I get compared to my prettier coworker & have hardly heard from a guy that I was beatiful my whole life Even when I was growing up I heard comments about how beautiful my mother is from other people; even my dates/boyfriends; got teased for not being pretty; the whole nine..

I can't take it anymore. I tried to get a nose job, but nothing big has changed. I just get more guys that I don't want to date appraoch me. But guys I like? Still bearly no change.

My friends are dating guys & I'm alone & I can't get past one date with guys who I am attracted to. I wake up everyday feeling ugly, and I can't deal.

I played with the idea of buying some antifreeze the other day & I'm really seriously considering it because I feel like sh$%.

Everyday I just want to crawl up in a corner and I don't even want to talk to people anymore . I'm so embarrased. I'm too old for this.
It affects everything; my finances, my work. I'm just losing my drive to do anything because I don't see the light at the end of my tunnel anymore. I pray but nothing has changed.
If God loved me; why would he keep me in this situation? Is his plan for me to be constantly compared to other females and rejected for the rest of my life?Is there supposed to be some lesson in this?
If so; I quit; I just quit..

N0help4u

My life is pretty much the same way, but I decided I'm not letting guys not interested in me stop me from living life to the fullest I can. I decided that I might as well put all my effort into working jobs I enjoy, studying things I enjoy and going places and doing things I enjoy.
After a while you can get to the point that you are enjoying life so much that you aren't concerned with if you have a guy in your life or not.
I haven't figured it out myself yet. I know what you mean though. I am somewhat outgoing and like doing spur of the moment things. Guys that are set in their ways and have strange idiosyncrasies tell me how much they love me and they don't even really know me.
And all the guys that I think I would get along with great and have known for awhile treat me like a little sister or something.

Anti freeze isn't the answer.

If God loved me; why would he keep me in this situation?
Think of it this way maybe someday he will bring somebody extra special and if you are with somebody else for the sake of having somebody you might miss out.

Choux

Kia, Time for you to take charge of your sexual life and quit waiting for Prince Charming....he isn't out there. Are you assessing each man as a potential husband from the beginning??? That's not working.

To start changing, do the following: Talk to "nerds" and "unattractive" guys everyday, and at the end of the week, ask the one that appeals to you out for lunch. Listen to everything he has to say and ask intelligent questions. If he seems receptive to you, go about seducing him. Share your knowledge of pleasure with him......be a happy, pleasant lover.

Now, you have the right focus.....you are giving and loving and thinking of someone else. It is by giving that we receive.

Best wishes on the first day of the rest of your life!

spartan24018

You should learn how to be happy with yourself, be self-sufficient. Try putting your effort into everything you do one day, and see how rewarding it is in the end. Sometimes in life, this doesn't come easy for you but neither does it for everyone. Your a beautiful person and don't let anyone tell you anything different. Live life to the fullest because happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open. Don't kill yourself, my friend. It's not worth it, and you know that as well as I do. Also, try to see things from different perspectives, be open-minded and be happy. Keep us posted on how your feeling, we all would like to help you out

DanieLovesPaul

Stop looking and feeling sorry for yourself. Not being insensitive. talking from experience! I looked and looked and felt like crap about myself. Finallly one day I said enough is enough. I dont need anyone to be happy. I am a free spirited fun, easy going girl. And then I met my soulmate. Weeks later. I am a big girl. I am 21 i weigh about 250lbs, i am 5'10 and was always out of place. I met a man who makes me so happy an is more handsom and sexy then i ever thought i would be with! a 5'11 170 lbs kind man with blue eyes. The point is, confidence and self respect will get you further that anything else. And what is meant by the anti freeze comment? dont do anything stupid. You call e-mail me and I will call you if you feel that hopless. but confidence is the sexiest trait you can have.

Jesushelper76

I will make several points here and hope that you understand them.

If God loved you? God loves you. The problem is not if God loves you or not because there is no question he does. The question is why do you not love yourself? It is not God that is keeping you in the situation your in right now, It is yourself and your own personal thoughts that are keeping yourself in this situaiton. Yes, There is always a lesson. We are in a school of life here. It is all about learning, progressing and you will do that once you learn how to change the way you think. Instead of blaming God for all your troubles you need to look deep within yourself and realise that your out look in life and your lack of faith is what is keeping you from growing from any experiance in this life.

As far as needing a boyfriend, or needing a partner. Why are you in such a need for approval from other people? Other people of this world has no right to judge you but it seems like your doing a good enough job on your own, with your own personal judgements on yourself that is causing this heart break. Instead of blaming God, Why not get him to lift you up. Ask for his guidance. Pray daily for revelations and meanings for all of this. What about doing things in your life which will help you realize that the only person that is causing your pain is yourself and your thoughts. You are your own creator and you can create better things.

As far as people making comments about other people and not yourself so what. What should you care about what others think, or what you may think others think.

There are many ways of learning how to change your situations. Or your way of thinking. You need hope and I am telling you that instead of looking at past experiances and just look at today. Stop thinking about what other people might thing and look at things with your own mind and heart and start reaching for the sky and make changes that will effect you positively.

I also believe in couseling. It is very important anytime in your life that you feel a heavy load that seeking out counseling is very important especially right now. This will help you release are your troubles plus find solutions that will help you make a brighter and happier future.

Prayers are with you and hope this helps.

Fr_Chuck

I will have to agree with several of the ones above, you have to first learn to be happy with yourself, not relying on what guys or others say or think about you.

Next of course God does not always even want us to have a specific partner, and for many he has them a life alone to better serve him.
And what type of guys are you looking for, and if you are looking for those to like you on looks alone, then you are picking the wrong guys.

But if you really feel this way, you need to get some good Christian couseling, since this is not the way we deal with our problems.

Next you seem caught up on your looks, do you know the most homely girl gets a partner not on looks but on thier personality, if you find a boyfriend only on looks, there will never be a lasting relastionship

Kia

Its not that I "need" approval; its just that I cant seem to escape realizing/being reminded that I don't get it like other women. I grew up watching my mother get it; my friends get it, and other random women get it. But I dont. Yes; those women all say you shouldn't care about what pther people think of you; but I feel its easy to say that when the majority of the time you are getting admired for your beauty. A few poeple who don't notice; don't count to you.
But, when you hardly ever get it; it just magnifies the issue; at least to me. It hurts.

Thing is; I'm trying; I'm so trying. That's why I decided to meet up with a new guy recently, because I was feeling "good" about myself.
Last week, I made a decision to not let things affect my emotions; because I am very fragile I know. That same week, my coworker kept asking everyday about my female coworker that the guys seem to think is the hottest thing walking. Everytime I saw him I got " where is she?" When she came to my office; suddenly the two guys were all in there pretending like they came to visit me. When she left; it went back to asking where she was.
It just starts to get a little insulting after a while.
Then I write a lettter to a guy I have been in love with for years,and he hasn't called; and yesterday I met up with this very hot guy who I have been talking on the phone,IM ing for 2 weeks almost everyday. At the end of the night he says" it was nice meeting you" and did not send me an IM at all today.

The point I'm making is that how in the heck can you build new self esteem when you feel kicked in the teeth in the same exact way as soon as you start trying?
Its like I don't know how to escape.
It may seem trivial to some people; but this pain has belonged to me all of my life. Its like I'm branded with it or something; or it won't let ME go.

Thats why killing myself runs through my mind alot.

I pray and ask God to just let something work out for me; so I can at least get a start in felling better; but then this stuff happens

I don't know

Jesushelper76

Your problem is that your focused on always finding somebody and always clinging on guys that your hardly know. You need to learn that being single is a positive experiance. You need to stop being so dependant on a relationship with a guy.

You probably missed that point with Fr Chuck but it is so true. You are at a point in your life that you need to stop chasing guys, and stop being so desperate and actually learn to love yourself and do things for yourself and learn to be happy with yourself and one day when the right moment is there. That right person will find you.

N0help4u

Yep JH's and some other replies reminded me I also have found that the years I did have a bf I was never happy cause they always wanted to control me, always questioning me and telling me I should have just gone to the store down the street and the laundramat up the street instead of going to the store and laundramat at the bottom of the hill etc.....
When I am focused on self sufficient and couldn't care any less about a guy in my life I have much more peace, focus and direction in my life. I look at my friends with their mates and for the most part all I see are couples that have gotten in a rut.