I'm just writing, I guess at my last attempt to reach out. I am at my breaking point and I don't understand God's reason for giving me this type of pain. And, honestly I am getting very, very close to throwing in the towel...

I keep getting my heartbroken; I go out with new eligible guys and get rejected. I get compared to my prettier coworker & have hardly heard from a guy that I was beatiful my whole life Even when I was growing up I heard comments about how beautiful my mother is from other people; even my dates/boyfriends; got teased for not being pretty; the whole nine..

I can't take it anymore. I tried to get a nose job, but nothing big has changed. I just get more guys that I don't want to date appraoch me. But guys I like? Still bearly no change.

My friends are dating guys & I'm alone & I can't get past one date with guys who I am attracted to. I wake up everyday feeling ugly, and I can't deal.

I played with the idea of buying some antifreeze the other day & I'm really seriously considering it because I feel like sh$%.

Everyday I just want to crawl up in a corner and I don't even want to talk to people anymore . I'm so embarrased. I'm too old for this.
It affects everything; my finances, my work. I'm just losing my drive to do anything because I don't see the light at the end of my tunnel anymore. I pray but nothing has changed.
If God loved me; why would he keep me in this situation? Is his plan for me to be constantly compared to other females and rejected for the rest of my life?Is there supposed to be some lesson in this?
If so; I quit; I just quit..

De Maria

It is because God wants you for Himself. Abandon yourself to Him.

cozyk

First of all I don't think this is about boys at all. What you believe about yourself is what you attract. Also, haven't you heard about self fulfilling prophecies. I think low self esteem started as a seed and has snow balled into something bigger than you can handle. You can't just "think" it away or "talk yourself out of it." I'm no doctor, but I do know something about depression. What you have here is a full blown case of depression. No wonder you can't think straight. You are mired down in your situation and it will be VERY difficult to come out of it without some sort of assistance. It could be situational or chemical depression. Either way, drugs and/or counseling are imperative. I know of which I speak. When your head is above the mire, then you be will able to employ all the positive self talk, self help, etc. that others here have suggested. And it will work. One last bit of advice. Be the person you want to attract. Just be your best self, take care of your health, body, and spirit and your life will all fall into place.

Illusion

Hello Kia - you have been having a time of it. You don't say how old you are - but okay. I understand your frustration. Having been a single woman all my life, I can relate. First, I agree with some of the advice here.

Let me see if I can suggest a few things here. You have recently - or I guess for some time now been very hurt by all these rejections. Of course, you feel hurt - it hurts. People are rejecting you - or you feel rejected. God is not comparing you to other females - maybe other people are comparing you to other women - or you are comparing yourself to other women and thinking I am not as beautiful as they are.

There is something about your comments that concerns me - the antifreeze yes, and we can talk about that in a minute. But what concerns me is this - you are concerned about beauty - yes and I guess for starters beauty is important to some men and they go for the hot chicks. Not all men are looking for a hot chick or a relationship with a woman just because she is beautiful. Where are you in all this? What do you like in a man? Why is it that the only thing that is going to get you a boyfriend is beauty? You mention these men in your life but nothing about how you felt about them. Nothing about whether you liked guy? Were you able to talk with him. You are not seeing the big picture here - there is more to having a boyfriend than beauty.

I mean, if I believe that the only thing I need to find a boyfriend is beauty then hey - what about everything else? Like do I like this man? Do I find him interesting? Can I talk and share with him? What kinds of things does he like to do for fun? Is he kind? Is he a man that has goals? Can I relate to him? Does he make me laugh? Can I see myself being friends with him? Do I like him? And of course he is checking me out too - we are getting to know each other.

On some level you are not connecting with people - men are people just like you and me. And for example, you could go out with a 100 women - as friends, nothing sexual - there would be some that you would not like - some that would be boring, others that you would not connect with - and then some that you would say - yeah, she is a nice friend, we talked alot about different stuff, she seems nice.

People have relationships for someone to be close to, to share with, to love, to have fun with - some people want a beautiful person - ok, the point is well taken. Most people are trying to find someone that they like - and beauty is in the eye of the beholder - and that they can connect with emotionally and intellectually. It is who you are to me that means most.

You talk about your Mom and your friends that are with boyfriends - they may have more experience than you in meeting people, talking with people, getting out there. You have placed way too much emphasis on how you look - like that is the only thing that matters.

I would say that right now your goal is to be friends only - yes, because you are trying too hard and placing your self-esteem at the mercy of other people. Some people may like you - and some people YOU may not like. Somehow you are erasing yourself out in this interchange - it takes two people to decide they like each other, want to get to know each other, want to spend time together. You are not acknowledging how you feel, what you want, - somehow like I said - its all about the other person - its almost like you are not there - that somehow its all dependent on what the other person wants, how he feels, what he likes, its all about him - and where are you in all this?

Are YOU choosing guys only for their looks? "I get more guys that I don't want to date". I mean, lets be realistic here - if you are only choosing men that you think are hot - then yeah, maybe you are getting rejected because men sense that you are not choosing them for who they are - but only because of the way they look. And if in fact you are only interested in them because of the way they look - and you have no interest at all to know who they are as people - yeah, you may just be setting yourself up. You may also not be giving these men a chance to know you. People like people who are interested in them - who want to talk with them and so forth. There is so much more to that man than his looks.

So men do like you - just not the ones you want. Men do find you attractive and want to go out with you. Men do want to connect with you. You are not hopeless my dear. Men have taken notice of you and want your attention.

You need to work on your inner self - your strengths. You are an emotional person and cannot deny your feelings. Your feelings get hurt - and you sound like you have been hurt. Your self-esteem is not at the mercy of other people. Other people do not decide who and what you are. There is so much that you need to learn about yourself and all that you are. You are being so hard on yourself - when really what you need is self-love and understanding. I suggest that you find an individual therapist that you can work with, preferably a female therapist and/or psychologist. The solution is not anti-freeze, it is working on your inner self, your strengths, learning about yourself - and this you can change. You may want to check out some of my other posts where we have talked about why this inner work is so important.

Write back and say how you are. Take care.