[SouthernBelle06]

I know this may seem trivial to some, but any opinions that can help would be appreciated. Does anyone else think that it is slightly cruel of an ex (whom you have told that you don't want to be friends with and with whom you have not had contact with for over 2 months) to email you out of the blue and casually tell you that he is now living with the girl he dumped you for? Well, this happened to me a couple of days ago and I have been very hurt by it. We were together just over a year. Though it was a long distance relationship, we spent as much time together as we could before I was to move to him earlier this year. We had vacationed together only two weeks before he dumped me and it was shocking because things seemed to be going so well. I was completely floored by his actions. It was completely out of nowhere as we had been planning our next trip together only days before he dumped me. I told him I couldn't be friends as he had asked and I tried to just let it go move on, though I was never unkind to him.

So I find this to be kind of cruel because I had told him several times that I couldn't be friends after how he hurt me by suddenly dumping me for this other girl earlier this year, yet he wouldn't leave me alone. I never asked about this other girl or if he was even seeing anyone at all. I didn't want to know because I knew how badly it would hurt. I was hurt for a long time, but I had finally accepted it was over (though I still care for him in some ways), had finally been feeling sort of better, moving on, and minding my own business when he hits me out of the blue with this and brings the hurt back all over again. Now I have been crying for the past two days. I feel that I have been sent right back to square one. How should I best respond to this? Should I respond to his email?

Would anyone else feel angry and hurt by this calloussness over a situation that had been very painful for me? I certainly wouldn't have told him this so casually had the tables been turned and I had dumped him for another guy. I certainly wouldn't have contacted him out of the blue with it when he clearly stated that he didn't want to be friends, had been very hurt by my actions, and hadn't contacted me at all for months. What should I say in reply to him? I just feel so angry that he brought all those painful feelings back for me. I had not cried over him in months.

[Geoffersonairplane]

Hello there,

Yes.. What he has done to you is very, very wrong. This is also extremely immature of him to do this to you. You have quite rightly made it clear to him that you did not want to be friends after he dumped you. Why did he want to retain friendship anyway? That sounds a bit strange to me?

Please don't repond to the e-mail, he is far from worth it and certainly NOT worth your tears. The very fact that he has e-mailed you with this shows that he wants you to respond. Don't give that to him!!

He has hurt you (TWICE NOW), don't give him an opportunity to do it again. You will find someone far more deserving of you... in time to come...

All the best..

[Sentra]

Pat yourself on the back, and thank yourself for not going ballistic over an e-mail. There is a thin line between friendship and stuffing an ex's happiness in someone's face. That line was crossed, it seems. He may have been something to you in the past, but there is no future with this man so tears are very unnecessary over someone with cruel intentions.

If he may have POSSIBLY just wrote you to give an update on how he's been is one thing, but seems that the only thing he had to say was "I'm with someone new, lemme rub some salt in an open wound!"

I suggest you block his e-mail, have a girls' night out and be happy to be free from his immaturity... no sense in missing that, especially.

[SouthernBelle06]

Thanks for your replies everyone. It just sucks that he ruined my Thanksgiving week when I was feeling pretty accepting that it was over lately. I was doing no contact, minding my own business and everything. The weirdest part is that his initial email to me out of the blue (after these 2 month of nothing after I had told him that I didn't want to be friends because it was too hard for me) contained nothing but a very cute inside joke that he and I shared that no one else would get or even know about.

When I saw that first email, I thought, wow he must be thinking of the fun we had when we made up that little joke and how we laughed at it over and over, only the two of us. So I replied thinking that he must be missing me, only to have him drop the bomb on me ever so casually that he is no longer living alone and is living with her now, but she isn't working and he has to pay all the bills. He said hopefully she soon will be working and then they will have all kinds of money and went on and on about the house they live in together. Then he went on to talk about a movie like this last wouldn't upset me in the least.

I literally had to pick my jaw up off the floor! I mean this is the girl dumped me and broke my heart for. Can anyone really be this oblivous to another person's feelings? Or am I just crazy? I would never dream of doing that to a guy I had dumped for someone else! It just seems so overall cruel to get my attention with our cute little inside joke only to throw that crap on me that he lives with her now. I am thinking of writing him back giving him a piece of my mind and telling him what an inconsiderate, callous he is.

[J_9]

Okay, girl, you are doing good. Don't let it ruin your Thanksgiving, if you do then he is getting exactly the response out of you that he wants.

[Geoffersonairplane]

So I replied thinking that he must be missing me, only to have him drop the bomb on me ever so casually that he is no longer living alone and is living with her now, but she isn't working and he has to pay all the bills. He said hopefully she soon will be working and then they will have all kinds of money and went on and on about the house they live in together. Then he went on to talk about a movie like this last wouldn't upset me in the least.

He sounds like a real Pr*t, be glad he is not with you anymore.

Sorry, I know you once had feelings for the guy but he just does not seem to be worth any of your time. Just ignore him!

[K_3]

Goodness, what a jerk. It makes one wonder just what goes on in some peoples minds. Well, you are so lucky he is out of your life. It does make you want to email him with a few inside tips about his personality and would love to hear someday that she has dumped him. Or to wish him a happy Thanksgiving... hope your turkey burns. Aside from that, I would certainly not let him know I cared. Keep your pride. At first it is hard to not show emotions in front of him when you were so caught off guard. After that, Never let him know you are crying over him, especially now. You have been doing good, keep it up, do not allow him to take your peace away and control your feelings. That is what he is trying to do. Although you are no longer together he wants to still have some control over you. There would be no other reason to email you after this time with that kind of information.
Evidently he was seeing her while he was seeing you, that means he is not a man of integrity. He will soon be playing with someone else while he is with her.
I am sure his new girlfriend has not a clue he is emailing you. Good luck and have a good Thanksgiving. Do not even let someone like him make your day bad. You deserve so much more and better and you will get it. When you move in with someone it will be with a ring on.

[Geoffersonairplane]

Also..

This guy will crash and burn...

Eventually..

Might be good for him in the sense that he will realise what he gave up.. Might make him a better person perhaps?

Or maybe not.. Who cares>?

Not your concern really..

[MJ6216]

What he did to you is wrong and he is only doing this because he wants to make you jealous. Don't respond to his email and just leave him alone... if you don't respond he will see that you don't care. Delete the email, and if he calls you don't answer the phone. If he emails you anymore don't even open them, just delete them right away!! Hope this helps

[rol]

<<I am thinking of writing him back giving him a piece of my mind and telling him what an inconsiderate, callous he is.>>

Naa don't bother , what a jerk... if anything write back a oneliner "Good for you, Ive met someone very special also and i feel so happy"

But I guess no contact is the best.

[ordinaryguy]

Can anyone really be this oblivous to another person's feelings? Or am I just crazy? I would never dream of doing that to a guy I had dumped for someone else! It just seems so overall cruel to get my attention with our cute little inside joke only to throw that crap on me that he lives with her now. I am thinking of writing him back giving him a piece of my mind and telling him what an inconsiderate, callous he is.

No, he's not oblivious, he's calculatingly cruel. Dropping the bomb after priming you with the cute inside joke was just over the top. I know how tempting it is to tell him off, but I think no response at all will be better for you and more fitting for him. He obviously is trying to get a rise out of you, so you can at least deny him that satisfaction. Definitely block his email so he can't keep doing it. If he calls, say nothing at all. Just hang up without a word. I know this must be unbearably hard to take, but comfort yourself with the thought that at least you found out what he's really like before you uprooted yourself and went to live with him. Think how much worse it would have been after you were there. You were doing exactly the right thing before this happened, so don't quit now. This just makes it all the more important to persevere. You sound like a kind and considerate person. Don't let him take that away from you. Keep in touch here as you work through this. We'll help however we can.

[valinors_sorrow]

As they say in the recovery business, you can start your day again any time you wish. Maybe that applies to Thanksgiving weekends too? Let's hope it does. Maybe make some grits to remind yourself that you need to be in a place where he is metaphorically eating them too? And then start over from there? Just a thought... and happy Thanksgiving too.

[MJ6216]

I think no contact is the best because is only doing this to make her even more upset than she already is... and he knows how she feels and this is just a way to get him to feel like he has the upper hand

[talaniman]

Laugh of his pathetic attempts at getting a rise from you, so immature. Report his E-mail to spam, and put this behind you. Aren't you happy you don't have him in your life? Don't you feel sorry for his current g/f? Say a pray for this immature people. They obviously need it.

[SINGLE4]

Hi SouthernBelle!

PLEASE DON'T CONTACT HIM! For some reason, he wants to hurt you... AGAIN! If you acknowledge his e-mail then... he won!

Like Senta said... a night out with the girls is exactly what you need! He is only "one" man/mouse. There are sooo many more men out there.

Think of the break up as a "blessing in disguise".

[SouthernBelle06]

Hey thanks for your replies everyone. I appreciate the support as I have been feeling lousy about all of this. I really did love this guy at one time. I do still care for him somewhat or else his living arrangement wouldn't hurt me. I will admit to that.

You know, I have read a lot of posts here and I always see that no contact is the way to go after one is dumped, but I am finding myself full of questions and regrets now in the way I handled my situation because I feel that I did try no contact here and I lost him anyway. He simply forgot me and moved on to someone else. I almost feel as if my no contact just cleared me out of the way for him to fall in love with her. I guess all of this just threw me and brought a lot of hurt feelings and regrets back for me. I wonder if I should have handled things differently?

I always diligently let him know I didn't want to do the friends thing and I feel that it obviously didn't help me any. When he would contact me after every few months, I would act fine, never act needy, never ask to reconcile, never beg. I am just feeling bummed and full of regret I think. I feel that it should have been me living there with him as we had made plans for that this time last year. Thanks again for listening everyone.

[SINGLE4]

Hey thanks for your replies everyone. I appreciate the support as I have been feeling lousy about all of this. I really did love this guy at one time. I do still care for him somewhat or else his living arrangement wouldn't hurt me. I will admit to that.

You know, I have read a lot of posts here and I alway see that no contact is the way to go after one is dumped, but I am finding myself full of questions and regrets now in the way I handled my situation because I feel that I did try no contact here and I lost him anyway. He simply forgot me and moved on to someone else. I almost feel as if my no contact just cleared me out of the way for him to fall in love with her. I guess all of this just threw me and brought a lot of hurt feelings and regrets back for me. I wonder if I should have handled things differently?

I always diligently let him know I didn't want to do the friends thing and I feel that it obviously didn't help me any. When he would contact me after every few months, I would act fine, never act needy, never ask to reconcile, never beg. I am just feeling bummed and full of regret I think. I feel that it should have been me living there with him as we had made plans for that this time last year. Thanks again for listening everyone.

If it was meant to be... it would be. You have no control over the situation. You are not the "dumper"... you are the "dumpee". If you would have acted needy, begged or contacted him after the break then you would have looked bad. He would run from you.

He is probably wondering why you haven't contacted him and acted all needy. They want that but then they don't. You handled yourself exactly the way you were suppose to. Don't doubt that for a minute. All he wants is a reaction and... YOU ARE NOT Going to GIVE IT TO HIM!

I lived with a man for 3 years and he dumped me and was seeing someone else before he even broke up with he. They were engaged 5 months (that's right... 5 months later). After the break I did not contact him and I avoided him at all possible costs. Time does heal. Anyone who has had their heart broke knows this first hand. It is hard to hear at first but it's true.

It's his loss... not yours!

[wap]

Horrible. Why torment someone like that. Don't give him the satisfaction of responding, he will think you don't care, delete it. He will eventually get the message if you don't respond.

[MJ6216]

Sure Your Going To Feel Lousy About This Because You Loved Him... but That's A Part Of Life. Go Out Have Fun With Your Friends And Meet New People... you Don't Need Drama Like That In Your Life... your Better Off... like I Said Before Don't Answer His Calls Or Emails. Just Delete The Emails And Ignore The Calls... it Will All Get Better Soon... it Always Does...

[ordinaryguy]

You know, I have read a lot of posts here and I alway see that no contact is the way to go after one is dumped, but I am finding myself full of questions and regrets now in the way I handled my situation because I feel that I did try no contact here and I lost him anyway. He simply forgot me and moved on to someone else. I almost feel as if my no contact just cleared me out of the way for him to fall in love with her. I guess all of this just threw me and brought a lot of hurt feelings and regrets back for me. I wonder if I should have handled things differently?

You handled it exactly right. Don't torment yourself. The point of no contact isn't to get them back, it's to give yourself time and space to heal and find your own center. Even in those rare instances where they do come back, that's a necessary thing to do. In this case, you better hope he doesn't want to come back. It would take more time than it's worth to convince me that a guy who could do what he's done has changed enough to trust in a real relationship. It's the perfect time of year to be grateful that he revealed his true character before he could do even more damage.