[shoegal]

Hello
So I've been been best friends with my friend Amy for over 10 years. We've done everything together since then. She's never had a boyfriend, and I didn't date much in high school so we've always had all the time in the world for each other. Well.. now were roomates in college. I have also found the love of my life. He's amazing.. and we plan to spend the rest of our lives together. The problem is, Amy hates him. She's known him for years.. and doesn't even like to look at him. She hates him.. a lot. Now Amy hardly talks to me. I talk to her everyday.. still joke with her and try to make her happy. She hardly talks to me. She ignores me in the dorm, and yells at me when I spend time with my boyfriend. I told her I'm thinking about moving out and moving back home. I didn't tell her it was because of her.. but she wasn't happy. She yells at me for everything when she doesn't ignore me. I don't know what to do! I've sat down and talked with her, but she just gets angry and says I should break up with him. True.. my boyfriend and I had problems in the beginning which is why she thinks he's no good for me. But I won't break up with him for her. She's being selfish.. What do I do?

[jaime90]

I've been in 2 such situations, and have dealt with this on a consistent basis for the last 3 years of my life- that's since me and my fiancé have been dating. I've also been to counseling about this many, many times.

You need to limit your conversation subjects with Amy in order to have a healthy relationship with her, and with your boyfriend (this is more than likely putting a stress on you and your boyfriend.) If your friend brings up anything negative in conversation, stop, and tell her that you'd rather not talk about your boyfriend this way, and stick up for him. Your boyfriend will be gratefull to know that you defend him in an argument between you and your best friend! (I get protective of my fiancé when my sister starts to bad-mouth him. I don't defend him disrespectfully though- I state my opinion and tell her that she is entitled to her own, but I'd rather she not express it negatively around me.) If she persists, tell her that you are going to leave, (or hang up the phone) and you will gladly talk to her later.

Amy needs to realize that your relationship with her is separate from your relationship with your boyfriend- it's important that you separate your relationships, there's no need to mingle them- especially if one is having issues with another. You and Amy can have a healthy relationship, even while you are dating someone that Amy isn't too fond of, but both of you have to be on the same page.

Don't take Amy's opinion personally, and don't let it rob from you and your boyfriend's relationship. You could even ask if he has any ideas.