[Chocodrip07]

I'm 25 years old and I have been married for the last five years. We've been trying to have a baby ever since but to no avail. I can't make you all understand the love I have for children. I have a deep, profound love for them. Any child, the baby dosen't have to be cute or clean, etc. I've even carried and taken care of babies from the slums of my state. My heart fills with joy whenever I'm around kids. I was 12 when I cared first for a new born and I jump at the chance of doing so even now. My aunt had three children in the last three years and I meet them every week. If I don't see them at least once a week I feel as if something is missing in me.

My first cousin is having a baby this December and I can't wait to meet the child. I sometimes think that I will be the perfect nanny for a child any age. My husband is not that worried about our situation but I desperatly want to become a mother. All the doctors who examined us has said that there is nothing wrong with us and we are not that financially well off to try IVF.

My younger sister is married for the past one year and her husband and she fight and bicker all the time. It drains me just to be around them and now she is separated from him for the past two weeks and now has found out two hours back that she is 6 weeks pregnant. I can't help crying, my husband doesn't understand the emotions I'm going through, tears are rolling down my cheeks even as I type this. My hubby will turn 30 next April and I'll be 26 next July and I feel so old, I always wanted to be a young mom...

I can't help feeling sad and angry. The only bright spot is that I'm glad that my parents are going to be grandparents and they'll be the best grandparents in the whole world. Why is this happening to me? I feel so sad, my sister once said that I don't have babies of my own because I spend so much time caring for others.. is this true? Please reply, I need someone to talk to, I'm so fragile

[Wondergirl]

The stress surrounding you leapt off the page and wrapped itself around my neck. I'm wondering if you are your own worst enemy, being, as you are, obsessed over wanting a baby.

Calm down! Live your life to the fullest! Do you work in some kind of a career? Do you volunteer at a hospital or library or school? Are your days full to overflowing with service to others, at a paying job, and even at a volunteer one?

Start a writers' group or book discussion group at the library, or join one if either exists already. Take a cooking class. Join a gym and work out every day. Make sure you are eating right and ingesting the proper vitamins and minerals.

Lose yourself in life!

[Jake2008]

To me it sounds like you would be an excellent mother. That you are married, and your husband is also wanting to start a family, says that emotionally at least, this common goal has become bigger than life itself.

I understand somewhat, how you feel. I suffered through six miscarriages, and was told it was highly unlikely that I'd carry a baby to term. Nothing was specifically determined to be the cause of that devastating news. It was very difficult to accept.

Friends and family all went on to have babies, and all the glorious celebrations that led up to and carried on through the pregnancy, and beyond. Hurt, jealousy, confusion- I get it when you say those things. And yes, anger- why NOT me!!

But, I was forced to accept that it wasn't likely I'd have a baby of my own, and that in itself, was cathartic. I went on to further my studies, enjoyed all the things I wouldn't have been able to in other words, had I had a baby.

Then I got pregnant. My whole world was upside down. I had accepted that it would never happen, and yet it did. I went on to have a healthy baby girl.

What I realize now, and what I'm trying to say to you, is, don't put your life on hold. Lamenting about what may never happen will eat you up. All the 'what if's', and emotions that go along with trying every month, and being continuously disappointed, only keeps you grounded in a place, where you may regret being down the road, if a baby never happens.

It isn't easy to let go of a dream that you expected to come true, and it isn't easy to face others, and their families and pregnancies, and feel that empty place in the pit of your stomach over and over again.

I agree with Wondergirl, that it is important to live your life. Force yourself to keep to a routine, and learn to recognize when you are sinking back to that lonely place. Seek counselling to help you learn techniques to cope with all these emotions, and how to work through, and past them. It is in a sense, grieving because it is letting go of something that may never happen, and accepting it.

IF it does eventually happen- that would be wonderful! But, equally true is the fact that it may never happen.

Enjoy your life, as it is now, and your marriage, and family. Support your sister as much as you can with her recent troubles, and be cognizant of your own needs. When emotions get the best of you- retreat, think it through, and tackle problems as they come up, when you know you are on solid ground and can cope without losing yourself.

Best of luck to you.

[Chocodrip07]

Thank you for your kind replies, the only thing that keeps me going is my habit of Reading, I sink into a book and all my worries vanish. And I will be with my sister no matter what. Thank you once again. More answers will be appreciated.

[Wondergirl]

Tell us what you like to read. Do you have some favorite authors? I've gone back to reading Grisham's newer legal thrillers, had stopped reading him for a while and read Anita Shreve and Jodi Picoult, then moved on to the F. Paul Wilson's horror novels I haven't read yet. In between, I read true-life animal books like Wesley the Owl and Last Dog On the Hill.

What do you like to read?

[Chocodrip07]

I just finished reading Impact by Doughlas Preston and Caught by Harlan Coben. I cannot be without visiting the library at least once a week. I love reading Fantasy adventure novels, crime, murder mysteries, etc. Some of the authors I like are Ken Follet, Matthew Reily, Jeffery Archer, John Grisham, Lincon Child, Sandra Brown, Erica Spindler, Patricia Cornwel, etc, etc. I'm also a HUGE Harry Potter fan :D.

My other hobbies include cleaning and organising my home, baby sitting, cooking (Anjum Anand and Nigella Lawson are my favourites), swimming and I have just started a makeup collection. :)

[Wondergirl]

I bet you'd love Jeffery Deaver. Start with The Bone Collector. Maybe read Diana Gabaldon's first book, Outlander, in her (fantasy) time travel series.

Did you ever read a murder mystery, probably during the past ten-fifteen years, that starts with a description of a man reaching into his coat pocket to hold a his girlfriend's hand, but it turns out he had cut off her hand after he killed her and her hand was stuffed into in his pocket? I'd love to read that one again... had thought it was Coben, but not sure.

Reading is such a great way to pass the time, get rid of all that stress, and enter another world!