[Jiser]

Here are three posts from a recent thread which caught my eye:

This is your problem my friend.

You are probably just too much for her, you probably smother her and she can't breath while you are around. Its not your fault, you love her but there is a difference between wanting and needing and you may be quite needy.

This can change but only if you want it to. I think you need time out from relationships anyway so you can work on yourself, perhaps build some self esteem so that you can learn to let go and perhaps not be too good for fear of losing someone.

The truth is, like the previous poster said, she is probably just all done with you and if she is young, she probably wants to explore further afield. Sorry if that hurts but this is a common thing for 20 something young women without assuming too much about her age.

Regardless of all this, you must learn the difference between being good and being too good/nice as in being a doormat. No women wants a doormat, why would they? Perhaps some do, but not the kind that you want >>>??

Remember that if you are with someone that can't love and appreciate you for who you are, and are just with you for what you can give them then it just is not worth it.

I bet you frequently spent a lot of money on her. Nothing wrong with that but again, there is a fine line between giving and being taken for granted.

It would be better for you to pull away now and call it a day with her. Show that you have true value, you are better than this, tell yourself that, walk away, don't run after her like a little lost puppy because that my friend will push her further and further away and make you feel a thousand times more hurt and confused.


Nobody ends a relationship because they are treated too good, she is done with you. Some girls just don't like good guys, and for that I am sorry. You need to sort out your feelings, another week will bring new insight. You will be okay without her; if you really believe she is the love of your life, don't let me stop you. I am just letting you know what I think. Perhaps you were too clingy or wanting too much too fast, that will turn a lot of people off.

I Agree strongly with both answers. Get single and learn how to be indepedant and don't take no sh*t from anyone. Be happy in yourself and your own life and concentrate on the things you enjoy away from the ex.

[pergammano]

You must learn to love yourself,before anyone else can love you!

[Geoffersonairplane]

It can be hard not to get too deep too fast when you fall for someone.

Clingyness is a byproduct of insecurity.

Neediness can also be a byproduct of insecurity.

Being too nice for fear of losing someone is not healthy. You should not need to be too nice for someone to love and appreciate you. There is a fine line between being good and nice and then being a doormat that's taken for granted.

Nobody should feel guilty for the way they have been but focus on how they can improve themselves, their self-esteem. Thinking positive is what will result in less chances of making the same mistakes again.

Take a lot from the bad experiences and learn from them. Think about what practical action you can take in areas which you feel are your personal weaknesses.

Small moves but big results.

That's me done for the day.. :rolleyes:

Good thread Jiser.

[Jiser]

So Geoff out of curiosity how's your life going at the moment - if you don't mind me asking? How are you coping now, do you still think of her, are there any women on the scene, how's life and what do you do to keep busy. :) :)

[Geoffersonairplane]

So Geoff out of curiosity hows your life going at the moment - if you don't mind me asking? How are you coping now, do you still think of her, are there any women on the scene, hows life and what do you do to keep busy. :) :)

Hi jiser,

Thanks for asking.

Life is much better with me, much better than it was 9 months ago when it first happened (the breakup). I am much healthier emotionally than I was around Christmas time, that was hard as it is for many who experience this kind of thing.

Do I still think of her?

The truth is yes but only passing thoughts and memories of her which I will not forget because as long as you let go and move on with your life, I don't think there is anything wrong with remembering someone you shared a long period with that you cared for deeply. Letting go was the hardest part but once you really do that and I mean really do it and accept it then it is so much easier to get on with daily life.

Time did it for me, time and keeping busy, working hard, exercising, friends, family and of course AMHD.

I spend more time on myself these days and focusing on setting goals for myself. I love walking and my ex hated it, I love walks on beaches, countryside, you name it and I have taken this up again. That is something else that really helped me...

I found that my creative side became a bit dormant while I was with her so in a way, she was suppressing certain parts of me because I was focusing too much on her, too much on the relationship and that is a mistake I won't make again. I learned a lot about myself and the relationship after the breakup.


There are no women on the scene simply because I don't want there to be. If one turns up then I will take it slow and what will be will be but I am not interested in chasing a relationship albeit it would not be a rebound now if it did happen. I feel that I don't need a relationship to be complete, I am in fact completely whole and satisfied as I am and myself esteem that was shot away ten fold has done a lot of repair over the past 6 months, a lot of repair. I'm stronger than I was before the breakup and I am sure I would handle this situation much better next time around.

One thing though,

I still can't stop banging on about stuff.

Thanks for asking Jiser. :)

[emopunk7]

Time did it for me, time and keeping busy, working hard, exercising, friends, family and of course AMHD.

I spend more time on myself these days and focusing on setting goals for myself. I love walking and my ex hated it, I love walks on beaches, countryside, you name it and I have taken this up again. That is something else that really helped me.....

I found that my creative side became a bit dormant while I was with her so in a way, she was suppressing certain parts of me because I was focusing too much on her, too much on the relationship and that is a mistake I won't make again. I learned a lot about myself and the relationship after the breakup.

Wow! That is exactly how I feel. Sure my ex did many things with me, but there is this certain way I really want to live and it seems the way you explained it. Relaxing and walking by nice surroundings so that life doesn't pollute our minds. I love that kind of life and I'm building it as time goes by! It would be great to have someone next to me though! :)

[clueless_guy_2007]

You must learn to love yourself,before anyone else can love you!

I hate myself and people love me? They say I have "charisma" I have no idea that is supposed to mean... people won't hate me... I can be a total head and they won't hate me it really pisses me off. I can't be hated? Is that normal?

[diya]

Wow, where are you from? In these times, we hardly find someone who can't be hated... you must be an alien buddy. However if what you say is sincere, then it's good and keep the qualities you have that people love about you. What's wrong in people loving you all the time?. should be a matter of pride... see how many people are writing in this forum not being loved... so there you are...