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clarityseeker · Jun 18, 2007, 02:44 PM

Thanks Tal, but whoa please explain further. You think I should send a birthday card? Isn't that sort of saying "hey, don't worry about treating me like crap, have a great day with your new guy?" I'm not trying to play games and I do have this urge to contact her - is that the best way to put the ball back in her court?

clarityseeker · Jun 18, 2007, 02:46 PM

Also, I have tickets that I originally bought for a couple of things this weekend in her city. Does that factor into this at all and how I should approach it?

Also, who knows if she's still with the guy that my mutual friend mentioned. I am so confused on how to handle this.

clarityseeker · Jun 18, 2007, 02:56 PM

I think that I am just going to send a birthday card with the tickets enclosed and keep it neutral. Because I think at some point I have to forgive to move on - the sooner the better. It will throw her for a loop that I reach out and expect nothing in return. Although the second I finished that sentence, I wonder if I'll get bent out of shape if I hear nothing back and really mean what I'm saying there. If I don't respond, I'll just appear sulky. Perhaps this is a mistake, but maybe I'm ready to make one and discover things on my own.

talaniman · Jun 18, 2007, 04:22 PM

Enough talk, send the card and get a life without her. Whether she calls or not is irrelevant. How she takes the gesture is irrelevant. The only thing relevant is sending the card is the end of her in your mind, and you will not call, or take calls from her. Period. No more confusion by talking to her. No ifs, ands, or butts.

Jiser · Jun 18, 2007, 04:37 PM

I 2nd tali's advise! Go for a run by the way :)

diya · Jun 18, 2007, 04:51 PM

I guess in your case... it's a closed chapter... u guys are just dragging it on in your minds.. that's it.. just with the fear of not losing it physically, though you've already lost it practically. Whether you send the card or not, your aim should be to let go and if you send the card, u will never be able to let go... and if u still have the strong urge to send one, do so commanding the perils of future confusion. Let bygones be bygones... meet new faces and explore more out there...

chuff · Jun 18, 2007, 10:25 PM

I would not send a birthday card but if you do I send one that lists the wrong birthday. For example if it's her 20th birthday, send one that says "Happy 22nd birthday." That will make her wonder if you are joking or do you really not know.

emopunk7 · Jun 19, 2007, 07:08 AM

I agree with Chuff... Atleast you remembered her birthday but the age can confuse!!

clarityseeker · Jun 19, 2007, 09:10 AM

Thanks all who've responded so far - I did send the card with the tickets enclosed. Just a brief note with a couple of light jokes. I figured I'd do the opposite of what my original instinct was, which was to ignore or send a nasty message. Isn't there a Seinfeld episode where George uses that concept? I couldn't hold on to the anger and the instinct to sulk, which I feel NC was producing in me up to that point. It was killing me. I feel good this morning for once and am trying not to expect anything further. I'm also feeling good because I worked up the courage to get the number of a pretty hot Starbucks girl who'd been sending signals the last little while. Anyway, thanks for the help in once again moving forward.

clarityseeker · Jun 19, 2007, 10:05 AM

Originally Posted by diya

and if you send the card, u will never be able to let go...and if u still have the strong urge to send one, do so commanding the perils of future confusion.

A valid warning - hopefully won't be the case. I just figured I had nothing to lose at this point. And I won't have any "what ifs" lingering in my head. It felt like the right thing to do.

emopunk7 · Jun 19, 2007, 10:56 AM

There's something about Starbucks girls!

anirbaz23 · Jun 28, 2007, 06:13 PM

Sounds like she enjoys playing games. Now, this does not necessarily mean that she is a bad person; long distant relationships are hard, and she may just feel like she's being cheated from experiencing all that a "normal" relationship has to offer. Now, I do believe that she is right about one thing : "Time a part is what your relationship needs." If you are interested in discovering whether she really loves/likes you, then perhaps going on a double date with her will give you your answer. You bring a female friend as a date, and she bring a male friend as a date. Now conspiculously this is risky. However, if any signs of jealousy appears, than she wants you. Otherwise, move on. Go out to the mall, movies, and meet new people. You may find that you enjoy this freedom more than you enjoy being confined to a long distant relationship. Hope this helps, send me a messege letting me know how things turn out. Wish you the best; it's nice to hear from genuwine guys like yourself! :)

Sadgirl20 · May 4, 2008, 06:50 PM

Dude, love is like a butterfly. Hold it too tight it dies. Give her her space, if she is really meant to be yours, she'll come back to you. PAtience, and be strong.
I'm going through something similar, and it's tough but I'm giving him his space.

emopunk7 · May 6, 2008, 01:53 PM

Updates Clarity! And for everyone to know... I did get my ex back thanks to the help of this site and I do come back to tell people and thank you all every chance I get and sometimes the one's who get the ex back, do return to share the great news and to help others get the same results... It all depends on how much you love the girl and how you treated them while you were together. Good luck to all, and always love the one you love! It's going to be 5 months we are together again!! I couldn't be happier!! I love her!