[Nodin]

In love with Younger Gay Man

Okays I'm a bit confused & so upset at same time unkinown where to turn.
I'm a straight woman who currently isn't getting alone with commonlaw husband at moment. Have falling out of love with current commonlaw who is 36 years old. I've been with him 20 years or so . He doesn't want or like kids, plays on computer World of Warcraft wants to change for me but has ignored me for last 3 years or so. I've been alone & having nobody else to be with as in emotional connection. Still living with him currently as I'm a bit confused as to where my life is going we have no kids & after asking him several times to get married he still doesn't want to . I've asked for a better half of 10 years. He says he doesn't believe in marriage & wants to live with no piece of paper to show we are married even though we have been together this long. No kids at all even though I love kids. He also can be a bit of a controlling person telling me what to do... or when I talk too much he says that's enuff .
Also when I asked him to get fixed as in to have no kids he refused & said he wouldn't do it & I had to get either fixed or currently just had the painful procedure to have an IUD installed into me the ones that last 5 years. I also have just survived a blood clot which I almost died. He says every time then some serious has happened even that blood clot I would be fine. I cut my hand open & I really needed stiches he said just out a band ad on it I would be fine. I lifted a air compressor which was way to heavy for me & he didn't help me & I injured my neck & shoulder & again he said I would be fine... im not fine after 4 months of accupuncture to be able to move my neck again I'm not fine.

My question is I have a good friend.. im 37 years old & have been only with 4 men my entire life. The friend I have is a young gay man 19 years old who just got out of a bad relationship with a younger gay man who was 17 & was leading him on for about half the year as a revenge thing. I took him up to see his ex & we all sat down & got to the bottom of things & then everything was good for a bit . After or before this happened he had let me know he is gay he is 19 & bigger 6'3 & 221 & suffers from elpicsha (he has lost all his hair except his beard <chin hair) & eyebrows. He is a big guy but is self concius abou the way he looks he doesn't take complments very well I gets very upset.. I make positive ones & he gets mad at me sometimes I try to be helpful but he reminds me he doesn't like it so I try not to say anything. I always am positive around him when I was making the compliments. Anyway about a month after meeting him & talking to him via msn he didn't want to tell me but said he had feelings for me... After that we started to try & spend more time with each other & then one night we were imitate <he made loe to me> as he has been with another woman before once. He told me he has been gay most of his life. Now because we he is younger we started to hang out more & I've seen him everyday now since this has happened. The sex is great but however he says we have rushed things to fast . I helped him cosign for a car as his mom is very strict & if she knew we ere imtimate I would be in trouble & so would he be so I'm not allowed to even met his parents or even his mom . He has met my mom but my mom is very upset that I helped pay for a car & for a 19 year old to own a 2002 car its just not good. His boss tells him I'm his sugar moma which I don't like too much. But after I got the car he is paying me back but a little at a time. He also can be quite immature at times hence the age. But it all came crashing down as we had a HUGE fight one day & he said he liked boys & wanted us to slow down he wanted us to be just more than friends.. I got very angry that day so angry that I wanted to hit him but couldn't so I puinched a trash can lid & almost broke my hand. As I have a bad temper like him. When he got mad too same day he puched the car & made his fingers bleed. He has said we need time apart but every time that happens he calls me & we get together to do things like hang out. However my feelings for him are so deep that when he says the wrong thing to upset me I cry.. im on an antidepressent as I was obsessed with my health from the blood clot. I also have morals & I don't sleep with anyone else I truly love them. He has told me he loves me but doesn't say it that much as he says he wants things to go slow & wants to see how things go. He says he still likes guys but sometimes he can say the worst things & sets me off & I cry I lve him so much it hurts me so much that I haven't been eating or sleeping well since the HUGE fight which was over a month ago.
H e says he loves me but when he says he loves men I'm not to upset. He says if he finds someone I would be very upset & he says he would help me through it. I currently living with my commonlaw & I don't wish to tell him.. Im so upset it hurts so much that I get anixety attacks /cant sleep & haven't been eating food very much... mostly living on energy drinks.
Im so in love with him more so than my commonlaw as I have this connection with the younger gay guy. He says he cares for me so deeply but is afriad of change. There is a 18 year differnec between us but something has been lost as we rushed into things & now I'm so sad I may have lost the best thing that has happened to them I don't know what to do...
Im locked into a financial thing with him for 4 years but I'm so afriad my mom says to take the car away from him but I love him so I just don't know what to do. I feel if anything else happens between me & the young gay man something very bad I may kill myself as I see currently nothing I can do. He tells me I should change by leaving husband & starting over but if young gay man leave me even though I paid for everything other than it will take him awhile to pay me back I'm sacred I don't want to be alone. He <gay man> says I should take charge of my life but he also should take charge of his life. I'm so confused & scared & very very sad. I tried counseling & it hasn't helped. I don't know what else to do my feelings are very strong for gay man & I sometimes wish I was a man to be with him.
Help if you can no where else to turn.
Very sad & confused

Ive known him 5 months bee and with him 3 months
And never had this deep feelings for anyone not even coomonlaw.. I also feel very ill when I'm with commonlaw mentallity I feel sick to my stomach when commonlaw is intimate with me it seems all he wants me for is sick <commonlaw> & trs to buy my love back.
:(

[talaniman]

What a very sad post. I have to wonder why you stay somewhere with some one who makes you so unhappy. And even worse you cheat with a young gay guy, knowing full well that the relationship can go nowhere. Do you need love that bad?? If you do, you need to get a life, and learn to make yourself happy, by yourself. Staying in this miserable relationship is your choice, so stop blaming the common law for your problems, and make up your mind what you want from life, and then go get it. Leave dull boy and gay boy alone, and have a higher opinion of yourself, and get a life that you enjoy without a relationship, so you can work on you and find out what you want. You don't have to be unhappy unless you want to be.

[Nodin]

Here is my problem though Im in love with the younger gay man so much it hurts me so. Like Ive never felt so much for this younger gay man... ever in my life I know I should move on but Im not working rigt now & I have really no place to go. I have my mom but she is in fiancial problems herself . Im going fer a job interview next week to start all over.. but reason why I'm with the younger man is he gives me attention & loves me back with the commonlaw he give me love yes but I don't love him back as much as I did when we were together it just seems he wants sex & that's it. He is a good person to a degree I'm just not sure what to do. Also the sex with the commonlaw does hurt me physically soetimes he knows this but its still hurts. The sex with the younger man is different but I have noticed he gets worn out to fast for a young guy. I feel so deeply for the younger guy as our personalities are very close however I still don't know what to do about the car situation. He doesn't have his lisnse & wants to get it Ive paid for the insureance & plates as I'm older... but he is driving the car & out of $5500 he has only paid me $300 back so far.. he isn't very good with money too . He doesn't budget very well. However we have gotten into a sport recently that I totally enjoy & I'm good at.. however even though he is a bigger guy & stuff he seems like a wussy when we play I'm more like the dominate of the relationship when we play with others. Its called Airsoft its like piantball so when you get hit with the pellets it can hurt. However I see I'm more dominate as in I'm no wussy when I play however I think he's a bit upset I'm better at the sport than he is & when he gets hit he is a bit of a wuzzy. However even though this happens he loves being with me as when we are together on a team he wants to be with me like I'm the protector of him even though he says different I know I think I'm a bit stronger in the realationship & in the game to him. This game makes & takes my fears away & for the 1st time I feel free mind wise no worries no pains no magor decisions.
I just have to figure out how much my feelings go & I have to figure out how to let them both go & decide on my own. Its just my personality hates chage & I'm struggling with this change now
Its so hard for me as I've been stuck in a 20 year reasonship with a person I did love but has just let me down a few times. And a younger gay male whom I love so deeply but I'm having a hard time of letting go I'm hoping there is someone out there who loves me for me & wants to make the time to be with me . Im getting older now & I'm worried. At least one thing I have going for is I don't look my age I look like I'm a lot younger I've been id'ed for 25 years old so I think that's a good thing I have going. Howvere I still have the problem I'm deeply in love with a younger man that's my major problem I have...

[talaniman]

Take that car back and boot his butt to the curb, what's wrong with you, you can't buy love and now he is using you. Leave em' both alone, and do something better because this ain't it. All the moaning in the world isn't going to change the facts, or bring you happiness.