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theologyrocks · Apr 26, 2007, 06:12 AM

HI. I got divorced a few years ago. My ex and I had two children together. After the divorce he saw the kids twice. Now he has not seen them in 17 months, or had any communication with them in 12 months! We do not have his address, phone number, or any info about him anymore. He has not paid child support for 18 months either.
I just got remarried and my husband wants to adopt the children. He supports them, and wants us to all have the same last name, and the kids want this also. They look to him as their father and call him Dad. They are both in elementary school and are fully aware that their bio father just "disappeared." They know their stepdad as the father now. He is truly a blessing to me and the children.
How do we become a "legal" family?

excon · Apr 26, 2007, 06:25 AM

Hello the:

You need to hire a family attorney.

excon

J_9 · Apr 26, 2007, 06:25 AM

You will need to contact a family law attorney in your area to do all of the legal work for you.

shirley-anne · Apr 26, 2007, 06:51 AM

Your best bet is to consult a lawyer.Even though no contact has been made with the children for a long time, legally he still has rights. From personal experience, I did contact a lawyer and was told that he would have to sign all legal rights to the kids. Ufortunately for you, you said you have no info on his whereabouts. This is necessary to serve him with the papers for him to sign. He then, if I remember correctly, has a time limit in which to sign or respond to fight. Forme, the father did not want to sign so he fought and the court preceding ended with my ex having to pay back support (3YRS) and every month as well. He still has no contact, my kids still have his name, BUT my new husband IS their dad. I really hope that things work out for you and your family and thumbs up to your man!!

47yo · Apr 26, 2007, 10:41 AM

What state are you in? In almost any state, bio dad has legal rights to the children whether he chooses to exercise those rights or not. You could try going after him for child support - most states have an agency which will assist you - and those agencies will find the bio dad and actually serve him with the papers. Since you have the children, venue is wherever you got divorced - he will have to show up for court there. So... if you have any kind of child support order that came out of your divorce, he owes you for all that back support - and he may owe you interest on that, as well. It can really add up! So once he realizes that you are going to put the screws to him to pay up, he might be a lot more likely to sign an agreement terminating his parental rights, which is what is necessary for your present husband to adopt the children. Contact the court in your area to see what free/low cost self-help resources are out there. In California, the Family Law Facilitator is a good starting place: find yours by looking at California Courts if you live in Calif.

47yo · Apr 26, 2007, 10:47 AM

One more thing: in most states there are ways to deal with serving a person who cannot be found. Usually you have to exercise "due dilligence", which means you have to investigate - look his name up in the phone book, call his last place of employment, contact his relatives, search tax records (for property ownership), etc. If that doesn't work, then in some states you can get a court order for service by publication, which means you place an ad in a legal newspaper. Or you can get a court order allowing you to "mail and nail" - meaning send a copy of the papers you want to serve to his last mailing address (even if you know for sure he's not there and there's no forwarding address) and post the paperwork in the courthouse - after a certain amount of time has passed, the court considers him served, and you can go to court and ask for what you want (termination of his parental rights).

theologyrocks · Apr 27, 2007, 06:15 AM

Thanks everyone, I am going to consult with a lawyer!