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snapdragon · Apr 21, 2007, 11:50 PM

I really don't know where to start, so this might read kind of weird at times. I got together with my boyfriend 5 years ago, about 7 months after we got together I graduated high school, and at the end of that summer, my best friend took a gun to her head. So in five years my boyfriend has only seen me really happy for about 1 year. Don't get me wrong, I love my boyfriend, with out him I don't know where I would be right now. He is the love of my life and my best friend. I just can't get over losing my closest girl friend. I have shut down socially and when my boyfriend goes out with his friends I get terribly jealous. He is very social and I am a complete introvert. I just struggle with trying to find a friend. All the girls my age seem too materialistic, and petty. Also I hold everybody up to the standards of my friend. I just need to talk to a "girlfriend" somebody who won't judge me, push me around, cut me off or ignore me. I know I hurt my boyfriend every time he sees me cry when he walks out of the apartment. I know it hurts him when I ask him what he's doing for the weekend and when he asks me my eyes well up. I want to talk to somebody, I want to eat ice cream and watch movies, gossip and talk about our boyfriends. I want to stop crying. I hate putting all of this on my boyfriend all of the time. I love him and I want to be happy for him again. I know I didn't really ask a question, but if anybody has any comments, they are welcome. Thanks, and if you are my boyfriend who has stumbled upon this, I love you and thank you for keeping me going!

J_9 · Apr 22, 2007, 06:19 AM

Oh, honey, I just want to put my arms around you and give you a hug!!

This is so hard for you. It is so hard to give up someone you love so much (your best girlfriend) so quickly and unexpectedly.

The first thing you need to do is get into some counseling. You need to go through the grieving process completely and begin to heal. It seems apparent that you are not able to do this without professional help, and there is nothing wrong with that.

It is quite common for people to go through the stages of grief as you are, but it typically does not last this long.

There are a few websites I would like to share with you that may help you in the grieving process.

One is GriefShare: Grief Recovery Support Groups and the other is GriefNet - A Community of Persons Dealing With Grief, Death, and Major [email protected]

I do hope you get a professional to help you overcome your sadness.

You may also want to discuss this with your doctor. There are medications that you can take short-term that will help you deal with this situation. It is not good to feel like this for so long.

Please seek help, and feel free to PM me if you would like to talk.

maka · Apr 24, 2007, 05:02 AM

You're right... please see for grief counselling... it will help you get through this, try that before going to the point of needing anti-depressants.

snapdragon · Apr 24, 2007, 06:08 PM

Thank you guys so much. I really liked the websites, I can never find any good ones. I don't have a job right now, so I don't have any insurance to get counseling. Right after my friend passed away, I acted like everything was OK, and I was handling it, so my parents never offered counseling. I thought I could do it on my own. Now that I'm out on my own my boyfriend and I can't afford it. I've tried a couple of herbal supplements and physical activity but I just can't seem to keep any of them a habit. I have been trying again with riding my bike and it really helps. I also don't know where to go to meet girls that I might get along with. I thought it would be easy in a college town, but by the time they get to be my age they all have their groups already, and when it comes to girls it's hard to get into a formed group. We're very catty. Thank you guys very much for your feed back anything helps.

robertsqueen · Apr 24, 2007, 07:12 PM

When I was younger my best guy friend committed suicide. I didn't go to counsulign either and my friends all turned their backs on me because he was interested in me, but I wasn't in him.. they thought I caused it. It is always hard when someone takes their own life. I myself only have two friends my husband and my sister. It is hard to get close to someone else after you have been hurt. The thing is that you just have to. I myself don't trust easy... and it is hard for me to be friends with people. You just have to step out of your comfort zone and try. I am trying to find a true friend but it is hard. I know that girls are catty that is one reason that I don't get along with them.

snapdragon · Apr 27, 2007, 09:36 AM

Can I ask how long it's been since your friend passed away and if you ever got any help. I was also wondering if there's any special places to go where I could meet friends.

robertsqueen · Apr 27, 2007, 09:41 AM

It was about 10 years ago, and I didn't receive any help at the time. A couple of years I started going to the school counselor. Well to start with I will be your friend. Also try the local hang out, or the mall. Just places where you know there are people.

maka · Apr 27, 2007, 02:02 PM

I'll be your friend too!

kanicky73 · Apr 27, 2007, 02:23 PM

I agree that you should get some counseling, and also understand that you can't afford it right now. Why don't you try talking to your county human services center about getting some state insurance for the time being? You will probably qualify seeing as you do not have income at this time. That way you can get the help you so desparately need. I know exactly how you feel honey. My best friend of 14 years killed himself when we were in 8th grade. We had known each other and been friends since we were baby's. He was like a brother to me. It is very hard and I know how you feel. I know it doest seem like it but it does get easier with time. But counseling definetely will help you with that. Look into the state insurance thing. Good Luck.

snapdragon · Apr 27, 2007, 05:11 PM

I can't thank you guys enough. I can't believe it has taken so long to find a place like this. I have another question. My friend and I had been friends since the day she was born. She was born a little over a month after me and her mom and mine met in the hospital, so it was a given that we would be friends. So my question is, since all through school I never really had to make new friends, I don't know how to go about doing so now. You can't exactly walk up to somebody and say "Hey you seem like a cool person. Here's my number, call me if you'd like to hang out sometime. by the way, i'm not gay." They'll think I'm crazy. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

snapdragon · Apr 27, 2007, 05:16 PM

I also just wanted to tell everybody thank you again. It's hard to believe that I'm getting such positive reinforcement and support from people who don't even know me. It's really hard to find people willing to take the time to care about something other than themselves. That's my untrusting judgment talking. Thank you so much!!

maka · Apr 27, 2007, 06:16 PM

You must have some other friends from school... call one up and say... Hi - watcha doing? I'm bored... feel like going out? And who cares if they are prettier, or smarter or whatever the situation, haven't you heard the expression "opposites attract" . All the friends I have are either prettier, uglier, fatter, or skinnier than I am, and I couldn't give a hoot... the fact that they make me laugh is why I care for them so. So go on... go out - have fun... but be good! Take care sweetness

snapdragon · Apr 28, 2007, 07:41 AM

You know, that's the other thing that makes this hard. I only had two other friends in school. One lives two states away and we weren't that close. The other one hates me now.the day my friend died I found out this girl was at a party with her. I asked her what they were doing there and I guess by asking a couple of questions she thought I was blaming her for the death of my friend. As if I asked "why did you shoot my best friend in the head?" So, she turned on me, started calling me horrible names behind my back and completely made me look like a bad person. I could talk about this situation for hours. I am very bitter about this because I don't think I was doing anything wrong by asking a couple of questions about the night my best friend died. If this girl was a friend to me like she had me believing she would have been there to help me out not turn her back on me. I just couldn't understand why they were at a party together when they weren't even friends to begin with. But anyway, as you can tell this is a touchy subject. Sorry to ramble.

kanicky73 · Apr 28, 2007, 10:22 AM

I think that you might be trying to hard. When your out and about in a social question you can just start a conversation with someone. Let it happen naturally. Before you know it, you will be laughing and talking and making a new friend. If your not putting yourself out there in social situations that will be hard to do. Go with your boyfriend a couple times when he goes out and just relax and let whatever is going to happen, happen. Good luck to you sweety!