[JGARRETT24]

Before my husband and I met he dated this girl who told him she was on birth control and everything else. Well she got pregnant and he left for Iraq, he tried to be a part of the babies life then but she told him it wasn't his and she wanted nothing to do with him. He got out of the military and went back home to have the baby and continue her relationship with her Girlfriend. Well a few months later we met and now we are about to get married. All of a sudden the girl starts e-mailing my fiancé telling him that the baby is his and how she wants him to be apart of his life and give her money. The e-mails come in everyday and he is currently deployed again to Afganistan. He has offered to pay her money but told her he wants nothing to do with her or the baby, that he is getting married and starting a family with me. He wants to just give her the money every month and give up all parental rights. She is not liking that too much and has made it clear that no matter what we do she will follow us and make sure the baby is in his life somehow. How do we go about doing that. Also, when he gives up all rights and she still tries to get ahold of him is it at all possible to get a restrainig order. She is very unstable and is causing a lot of hurt between the two of us.

[vlee]

If he wants to terminate his rights and accepts that he will still have to pay child support, I doubt she can stop him. If she follows you around or harasses you, call the police. If there are any threats in her emails, that is harassment. If she is calling a lot, or even emailing a lot, that could be considered harassment. (It's sort of discretionary... depends on what your local law enforcement considers too much contacting.) First, send it in writing via email (because it is easily documented) that you do not want her to call, write, email, or approach you anymore. Ask her to communicate through an attorney if she wishes to speak with you. If she fails to oblige and carries on harassing you, file a restraining order. Save all of her emails, record any phone messages, but DO NOT SPEAK WITH HER OR RESPOND TO HER DIRECTLY! Let a lawyer or the police do that for you.

[ScottGem]

First, he needs to get a paternity test to confirm he's the father. Once that is done, then I would recommend he NOT officially terminate his rights. As noted, terminating his parental rights will not affect his responsibility to pay child support. So if he wants nothing to do with the child, then just do nothing. Don't call, visit or do anything more than pay the support. At some future time, he might change his mind and then it would become a problem.

[isabelle]

ScottGem, I mean no disrespect but I have done search after search trying to find if the terminating of fathers rights would still hold him responsible for child support. The only thing I could find, only addresses the reasons for adoption.
Would you mind giving me a few search sites where it says terminating of fathers rights still hold father responsible for child support. Thank you.

[Fr_Chuck]

Isabelle it is just from common knowledge of the 100's of people who come here and from person experience of many of us in courts.

When a person terminates their "rights" unless there is adoption they do not give up any obligations, only rights to visit and have things rights to be invovled in the child's life. The state holds that obligation for the protection of the child and if the family goes on welfare the state will even come to collect the money to get repaid.

If there is a step parent to adopt, that step parent then takes over the legal obligation.

In this case listed there is no need to terminate any rights, the first thing you do is get a DNA test, that way you know it isyour child, then you file incourt so the court has the child support set and you pay your support though the court, that way no contact has to be made. You can even set up visitation if you want ( and you should want) to be done though a third party so no personal contact has to be made with this person.
And lastly having rights does not mean she can force you to use any of them, it only means you have them if you want them latter.

If she goes crazy and follows or stalks you, then you get a restraining order agasint her.

[Matt3046]

Why are you so against this baby? I understand you do not like the mother but why would you want to deprive this child of a father? Here is the thing most don't seem to realize, children have rights too, that includes the right to know both their parents. So your husband needs to do the right thing and at least try to spend some time with this kid. I am sure he is honorable but you are wrong to act this way. What if in a few years he behaves the same what towards your children with him?

[isabelle]

Thanks Fr Chuck. I know I read this over and over on these posts but I couldn't find any links.