[Arroyojanice]

Lately I have been feeling really unwanted and unloved by my boyfriend. I'm 18, and he is 20. We have been dating for 2 years now. I'm still in school and I'll be graduating this year and we plan on moving into an apartment together some time after I graduate. He works two jobs, so I barely get to see him. The unwanted feeling started about 2 months ago. He gets home from work late, maybe 11/12ish at night. I know he's worked all day but he can't even call me for 5 minutes.. He tells me he wants to marry me all the time, but he just doesn't show it.

Our agreements are that he sees me on his off days. He gets one off day a week, and the last couple of weeks I haven't seen him. The other day I wasn't sure if he had made it to work due to the snow storm we just had, so me being a good girlfriend , I called his job to see if he had made it and they told me yes, but they were closing early at 8:00pm. I called him. I text him. But no response. Not until 1 am. He claimed he had just gotten home from work. But he didn't know I called and knew they closed early... he lied to me. I don't know where he was and didn't bother to ask because I didn't want to argue. I felt so hurt. How could he lie to me? He didn't get me a Christmas present. I don't care about gifts but HOW COULD YOU NOT GIVE ME A CHRISTMAS PRESENT? I went all out with his gift! I made him a handmade scrapbook with all of our pictures, a nice coat, hat, gloves, Gucci cologne! And he didn't get my gift because he had no money. I COMPLETELY understand that. But Christmas was 3 weeks ago.

I feel like I give my all in our relationship. I call him every morning, every Chance I get and it's like he doesn't want to talk to me. The other day I found text messages in his phone from a girl he works with. My exclamation was, who is this girl? Why is she WANTING to talk to you outside of work? Why is she texting you at 2 am? He says she's just a friend and that she has two kids and a family. Then today, I see she has sent him pictures of herself? And he says "I don't know why she sent this" "I don't want anything to do with her". I punched him in the jaw (oops that was my immediate reaction) Then I started to cry and I asked him what would he do if he found something like that in my phone. I just felt so hurt. Was he with her the day his job closed early? He told me he loves me and just wants me to be happy and deleted her number. But that still doesn't do anything for me! She can still text him! Sex isn't a problem in our relationship. We have a lot of sex. And GREAT sex by the way.

Anyway... I just needed to rant. But I also need advice. I don't know what to do. I want to keep our relationship alive. I want to marry him one day and I love him so much, but he makes me feel unwanted, unloved and makes me feel like I can't trust him. Please help me save my relationship.

[Fr_Chuck]

If he has a cell phone, he can call on way home from work at lunch, no excuse not to have more contact.

[joypulv]

He's too distant, and you are too uncomprehending about working two jobs.
You clearly aren't meant for each other. Sex is nothing compared to all that's really important. DO NOT move in with him!
Take the rest of the winter off to be alone and concentrate on school, and do some serious thinking.

[Jake2008]

You might consider your maturity level here.

It seems the two year age difference (you in school, him out working two jobs) leaves you with more time to be jealous, demanding, accusatory, angry, and violent- really? You socked him in the face? Shame on you for not controlling yourself.

You are too young to know what makes a relationship work, but you are not too young to see the things that are making this relationship NOT work.

In addition to the suspicious nature you clearly have, there is very little communication. I suspect anything he tells you will cause more trouble with your jealousy, and anything he doesn't tell you, because you are insecure and jealous, will cause even more grief, because you are determined to find proof of your suspicions.

If he's thinking he can make you happy by avoiding anything that upsets you, like deleting a phone number you find suspicious, what will he have to do when you move in together and he leaves toothpaste blobs in the sink.

You can't 'own' anyone, under any circumstances. You can't demand someone mould themselves into someone you like better, or who does everything you say, or addresses all your petty concerns. They will burn out and leave.

If you can't be mature enough to accept him as he is, and you are having this much trouble understanding what it takes to make a relationship work, I suggest you don't move in with him. You need to grow up a bit, not blame him or accuse him of being an unfaithful, cheating liar. Going through someone's phone looking for proof of 'something' makes YOU untrustworthy.

Perhaps he's having second thoughts about you. I wouldn't blame him.

[tikki14]

I've been in your shoes and I know how it feels. I was 18, too, when I met my boyfriend and the first year was filled with lots of questions and fears for exactly the same reasons you described (no contact, no gifts, no attention, chatting more with other girls than with me, he wanting to marry me etc), until he really screw up and I put an end to our relationship, not before telling him everything that bothered me. He had been begging me for one month to take him back claiming he would change and everything would be as I wanted. Luckily for me, he is still keeping this promise after so long and he's a totally new man. I don't suggest you to break up with him hoping he will change, but you should definitely take some time for you, try to keep yourself busy so that you forget about him and under no circumstances don't move in with him! Try to call less, or skip some calls, let him miss you, and he'll realize something is wrong. If he truly loves you so that he wants to marry you, he'll prove it, otherwise, you should go on with your life, find a guy who treats you better. And whatever happens, no more slaps!

[talaniman]

It really is time to evaluate this relationship and make some changes you both can agree on or what's the point? If you cannot then why move in together?

No honest communications, no relationship.

[Homegirl 50]

Personally I think the guy is cheating.
He is 20 and working and you are still in High School. You are not on the same maturity level or the same page of life.
That is no excuse for what he may be doing but he is obviously not as into you are you are in to him. Open your eyes and see what is there. Break it off.