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reiki · Aug 6, 2013, 03:53 PM

My girlfriend would talk to her ex's when we first started dating and would surround herself around guys who liked her. When out and about, a few of these guys would tell me how they loved her and one even said he wanted to take her home. She didn't really do anything about this, and unfortunately neither did I aside from telling her how it upset me. She would occasionally see one ex and talk/text with him. Initially, I had no issue with this and even met the guy. However, she then started lying about seeing him and talking to him. He would tell her that he loved and missed her whenever they talked. Over time, I discovered the lies about him and more lies regarding an ex fiancé and guys that liked her. I would explain to her that it was breaking my heart and that I cannot handle her lying to me. She eventually admitted to basically emotionally cheating on me with her ex boyfriend. She would tell these people behind my back that I made her unhappy and that she didn't want to be with me but when around me she acted as though I meant the world to her. She would say that she wanted to get married to me and spend all her time with me. What is going on here??

louise1928 · Aug 6, 2013, 04:07 PM

It seems like your girlfriend is confused about what she wants and who, I suggest you take a break so she can figure it out.

N0help4u · Aug 6, 2013, 04:23 PM

It sounds like she wasn't sure, even confused and uncertain about things with you then. Sometimes some girls will say they aren't happy with a guy when they aren't around them because they are thinking about how their life isn't where they set their goals at or they think of the little knit picky things that bother them. Then when they are with you their emotions melt and they are all lovey dovey. Or she could have been saying she isn't happy with you to keep her options open. How are things between you now? How long have you been together? Is she still lying? Is she still communicating with these guys?

Homegirl 50 · Aug 6, 2013, 05:00 PM

How much time was there between you and the ex?
Sounds to me like she may be doing more than emotional cheating. Break up with her. Tell her she needs to make up her mind but you're not going to hang around until she does.

Alty · Aug 6, 2013, 05:59 PM

Sounds like she likes to play the field, likes to be adored by many, likes to keep her options open, just in case.

She's not ready for a real relationship. If she wants to be loved by all these guys, and wants to be able to see them, go out, have fun, then she shouldn't have a boyfriend. I think you're a crutch, you're the safety net, you're the guy she's seeing until something better comes along.

reiki · Aug 6, 2013, 08:14 PM

She originally told me that they broke up two years ago, but then I later found out it had been less than a year before we got together. Also, in between their break up and us getting together, she was with two other guys.

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

How much time was there between you and the ex?
Sounds to me like she may be doing more than emotional cheating. Break up with her. Tell her she needs to make up her mind but you're not going to hang around until she does.

She originally told me that they broke up two years ago, but then I later found out it had been less than a year before we got together. Also, in between their break up and us getting together, she was with two other guys.

Originally Posted by N0help4u

It sounds like she wasn't sure, even confused and uncertain about things with you then. Sometimes some girls will say they aren't happy with a guy when they aren't around them because they are thinking about how their life isn't where they set their goals at or they think of the little knit picky things that bother them. Then when they are with you their emotions melt and they are all lovey dovey. Or she could have been saying she isn't happy with you to keep her options open. How are things between you now? How long have you been together? Is she still lying? Is she still communicating with these guys?

We have been together for about 9 months. Sometimes things are perfectly fine. For several days she will seem totally happy with me, then she will be completely distant and act as though I am a villain. And yes, she still talks to a couple of these guys knowing that one in particular is still in love with her.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 6, 2013, 08:33 PM

She enjoys the attention from other guys. She is not ready for a relationship. Let her go.

reiki · Aug 6, 2013, 09:56 PM

Thank you everyone. I appreciate the comments, they are all very helpful and I will definitely be using the advice.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 7, 2013, 01:31 AM

She is and enjoys seeing many men, likes the attention and tells each one what she thinks they want to hear.

She obviously has n o issue lying so there is no trust. I see no future in this relationship. I would end it, and move on

reiki · Aug 13, 2013, 11:53 AM

My girlfriend and I officially broke up a few weeks ago. I tried to end it respectfully, but she refused for this to happen. In short, I went to her house to get my belongings (we lived together) and my dog (who she was watching while I was away). She was extremely angry with me for coming there even though she knew I was going to. When I came in to get my dog I noticed her ex-boyfriends things in the house (I was gone for three weeks traveling). I didn't say anything except looked at it and said, "huh." Anyway, she got angry and blew up, I ended up calling the police.

She then blocked me on Instagram, phone number, email, and probably pretty much everything. I don't care about this and I have refused to even want to contact her after her behavior. I then went to lunch with my father downtown. Her and her boyfriend drive by us in his truck, I pretended as though I didn't see them but I could see her boyfriend looking at me out of my peripheral. Before lunch I texted my friend at 1 o'clock that I was with my dad.

I get home at 2 o'clock and my mother asks, why would Jane call me at 1:08? I said I have no idea. My mom apparently called her back later on, leaving a voice mail along the lines of, "Sorry for missing your call Jane. If you need to call back feel free." She then calls my mother back! My mom said she her voice was shaky, she asked if I was staying there, she asked if everything was okay, and she asked if she could maybe call her (meaning my mom) again sometime. My mother also said that she used a lot of 'um' and 'uh' fillers. Why on earth would she have called my mom? Especially considering that she ended it, she acted completely irrational, and she blocked me from absolutely everything?

What is going on?

N0help4u · Aug 13, 2013, 11:59 AM

Were you able to get all your belongings and dog back?
I wouldn't give her a second thought why she is doing anything as long as she doesn't start harassing you or your family in any way. Maybe she just wants to know that your mom doesn't hold anything against her.

Oliver2011 · Aug 13, 2013, 11:59 AM

She is angry. She is hurt. She probably doesn't care for you adjusting well to being single. She probably wanted a different reaction out of you when you saw her ex's things and saw her with the other guy. All typical emotions after a breakup. Some people process it differently. However, why do you care? You sound like you have moved along nicely since the breakup. Be glad she blocked you. Life is way too short to live it with drama.

reiki · Aug 13, 2013, 12:00 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Were you able to get all your belongings and dog back?
I wouldn't give her a second thought why she is doing anything as long as she doesn't start harassing you or your family in any way. Maybe she just wants to know that your mom doesn't hold anything against her.

Yeah, I was able to get everything back. I had a friend get all of my things. I just feel like she's trying to keep tabs on me or something. Or mess with me emotionally.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 13, 2013, 12:01 PM

I have no clue. Maybe she feels guilty, maybe she wants to keep the door open in case she and her ex fallout again. If she talks to your mom I would ask your mom to keep the conversations to herself. You don't need to hear them. You work on getting over her.

reiki · Aug 13, 2013, 12:04 PM

Oh, also, I forgot to mention that she is the one who broke up with me. When I said I tried to end it respectfully, I meant that I was acting mature about her wanting to break up. I was even fine with being friends. Her reasons for wanting to break up were so that she could be alone, work on herself, "date herself," and that she didn't want to be around anyone. Obviously, that wasn't the case.

N0help4u · Aug 13, 2013, 12:05 PM

Yeah, I was thinking that she may not like that you are moving on and she may want to keep the door open in case she relives why she broke up with that ex. Block her back if she ever unblocks you. Go to the next chapter of your life.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 13, 2013, 12:22 PM

This girl is not worth worrying over. She broke up with you and obviously lied about her reasons. Tell your mom to keep any information about her to herself. She maybe trying to see what your reaction was to knowing she is with her ex.

joypulv · Aug 13, 2013, 01:56 PM

Sounds like she doesn't like 'man voids' in her life. So she brings her ex back into the picture, totally forgetting why he was her ex, suddenly remembers (or he reminds her with his actions), and BOOM, she's regretting breaking up with you.
Poor woman. It can take half a lifetime to learn how to live with yourself. I know.

vanheart · Aug 21, 2013, 12:08 AM

Go NC. Never give her the time or satisfaction ever again. She disrepected you and shoved her exes in your face. Screw her. What? Did you want to be another one of her exes that she strings along and flaunts to her next so called boyfriend. You deserve better. Next time look out for snakes like her. Tell your family & friends you're going NC. They should do the same. Good luck.