[manimuth]

Unless she starts playing mind games with me again. Which I think shes doing.

No, way. Don't fall for it. Don't even give her the chance to do it. You are on your way to healing and moving on. Don't be pulled back. Ignore her. Stay away and make new friends. Good luck.

[talaniman]

She is full of games and drama. Bet she can't believe your standing up for yourself and moving on with your life. Generally most guys who gets into the NC, finds out the things about an ex they were blind to before. So will you! That's why it is so important to leave them alone, and let the emotional dust settle so you can see much clearer.

[Jiser]

Agree with you there talaniman! Have to spread some rep first : /

NC really does help get your head round things. Its helped me!

[SAB123]

Was talking to mom and she feels she probably getting nervous that Im moving on this time. She feels she keeps breaking up with me to get the upper hand. I think with her she knows I'll take her back and she'll make me mop over her just long enough then come back and say this is how the relationship is going to be.(Not this time) My brother in law came over last night and hung out and didn't think about her at all. Or when I'm keeping myself busy now. This is something I have never been able to do in all of the break ups with her. I told him I can't worry about when she's coming back but I'll deal with her when she does comes back. I will not answer her phone calls, e-mails or if I see her driving past house when I'm out side I will walk in house. But I think she will start putting more effort in ways to come back when she see's the For Sale sign on my house then she'll know I mean business. I don't think if I didn't find this site I would be as strong with my healing process and want to thank everyone for helping me.

[hair2007]

Was talking to mom and she feels she probally getting nervous that Im moving on this time. She feels she keeps breaking up with me to get the upper hand. I think with her she knows I'll take her back and she'll make me mop over her just long enough then come back and say this is how the relationship is going to be.(Not this time) My brother in law came over last night and hung out and didn't think about her at all. Or when I'm keeping myself busy now. This is something I have never been able to do in all of the break ups with her. I told him I can't worry about when she's coming back but I'll deal with her when she does comes back. I will not answer her phone calls, e-mails or if I see her driving past house when I'm out side I will walk in house. But I think she will start putting more effort in ways to come back when she see's the For Sale sign on my house then she'll know I mean business. I don't think if I didn't find this site I would be as strong with my healing process and want to thank everyone for helping me.

Hey sab, so she's starting to come around a little, that sucs, diving by, she will definitely be putting more effort soon, it's the way the selfish game goes... sounds so familiar, my ex would do the same. Drive by my house, my work, throw rocks at the bedroom window at like 4 am, before work, leave me messages crying, and sure enough, id be there, thinking he meant it all. This has been like 10 times now!! He should be in hollywood.. lol..
I don't think she breaks up with you to get the uper hand, sorry, she already had the upper hand. (my ex with me 2) just by them coming in an out the way they do. Don't let her get it back, even if you do someday, do the no contact for much longer, please, just to get yr self stronger, whether you go back or not isn't the issue at hand to me, right now its take care of u, move on, do what you have to do in life. Don't let her take up space in yr head... no matter what happens you will be more stable because of this, and maybe will make different decisions too. Then you can know you have the uper hand.( :

[SAB123]

She is full of games and drama. Bet she can't believe your standing up for yourself and moving on with your life.

I can't believe I'm standing up for myself either and it feels good

[SAB123]

Generally most guys who gets into the NC, finds out the things about an ex they were blind to before. So will you! That's why it is so important to leave them alone, and let the emotional dust settle so you can see much clearer.

With all other break ups I always did the NC but was to hurt to heal myself to see what type of person she is. I just wanted her back and that was it. I believe now you have to move on and let go to see if this the person you want to be with. And all the advise on this site to make me realize what type of person she is.

[manimuth]

SAB,
Don't give into her games. Be strict with the NC and, like talaniman said, use it to clear your head and gain control over your emotions. Use this time to face the truth of who she really is. And after you think about her with a clear head and mind, I doubt you would even want her back. (I've read your older thread.)

[SAB123]

Why do I feel this way? I know if she comes back it won't work out, but for some reason deep down inside a part of me wants to take her back and quiet frankly by rereading what I have read on my threads why would I. Is it maybe I like the game playing or is it maybe my heart is still unhealty and can't make a decision. But I'm scared noing she may come back and I'm afraid I will cave in and take her back.

[hair2007]

Why do I feel this way? I know if she comes back it wont work out, but for some reason deep down inside a part of me wants to take her back and quiet frankly by rereading what I have read on my threads why would I. Is it maybe I like the game playing or is it maybe my heart is still unhealty. But I'm scared noing she may come back and I'm afraid I will cave in and take her back.

I know what yr feeling, believe me, no you don't like the game playing, at least I know I don't. Its easy for people looking in (my family and friends)anyway, to say why do you take this from him? Its because I have so much time invested in us, so I guess my heart always wants to believe they will not play games no more and things will change.
The sad part is how long will we put up with the crap. They are the un healthy ones in this not you or me. That's my opinion, the only thing we are guilty of is loving someone and thinking they want thing s to work. But never the less there comes a point when we have to look at it from a different view, because when someone treats you with such disrespect its time to reavaluate the situation.
I would love to be back with my ex, but I know it would not change, at least not any time soon that's for sure. Its so unhealthy, we are on such different pages its crazy. But when he comes around saying he made a mistake he's on my page, till he know I'm there then right back to the games. I'm not saying that's what yours will do but just trying to show you what I go through. ( ;

[manimuth]

Why do I feel this way? I know if she comes back it wont work out, but for some reason deep down inside a part of me wants to take her back and quiet frankly by rereading what I have read on my threads why would I.

You have history together. You've loved her and felt all the emotions, good and bad, with her. So, it will be very hard letting go. Sometimes, as painful and unwise it is, we choose to keep going back for this history and for the memories of the good feelings. So, that's why No Contact is soooo important and highly advised. It is a conscious effort by your mind to let go of the dream world and face reality. Face the harsh truths and gain control of your emotions so that if she did come back, you would be strong enough to say no and (at least half) mean it.

You are on a long and hard road, SAB, but on the right one. So, stay strong and heal yourself. Get her out of your mind as much as you can. Good luck.

[SAB123]

Sometimes, as painful and unwise it is, we choose to keep going back for this history and for the memories of the good feelings.

I believe this is true for me and my EX. My Ex has said when she came back the first 2 break ups she always thought of all the things we did and what I did for her and son.

[SAB123]

but when he comes around saying he made a mistake hes on my page ( ;

My Ex says the same thing I realize I made a mistake. One time on one of her break ups she calls and were talking and says I think I'm making a mistake but catches herself and doesn't say mistake. I think she wanted me say what was that last word so I would feel sorry for her.

[SAB123]

Can a breakee hurt just as long as the one who got dumped. Noing that they still care for you. And why would a breakee still want to be friends with the person they dumped. I mean they dumped you because obvisouly they don't want to be with you anymore?

[talaniman]

For one the dumper has had a lot longer to think about it and get over it. Sure they still care, and want to keep the good parts in there life, but they also want their freedom, from the relationship obligations. The one who gets dumped may have a clue, but it comes as a complete shock that always produces guilt, denial, anger, and a variety of feelings that must be reconciled. Better to get away and let the natural course of things tend those feelings, and get to a place of acceptance to deal with the emotions that a break up brings therefore No Contact. Just because there is a break up doesn't mean that they hate you, or harbor ill will. They have changed and see things differently. One thing I've learned over the years is, its so useless to take a break up personally. Its more a sign of change rather than love or hatred, as one partner wants something different and cannot do as they please within the boundaries of a relationship. And don't we all want keep the people we love in our lives in some capacity other than lovers? Hope this answers your questions.

[hair2007]

For one the dumper has had a lot longer to think about it and get over it. Sure they still care, and want to keep the good parts in there life, but they also want their freedom, from the relationship obligations. The one who gets dumped may have a clue, but it comes as a complete shock that always produces guilt, denial, anger, and a variety of feelings that must be reconciled. Better to get away and let the natural course of things tend those feelings, and get to a place of acceptance to deal with the emotions that a break up brings therefore No Contact. Just because there is a break up doesn't mean that they hate you, or harbor ill will. They have changed and see things differently. One thing I've learned over the years is, its so useless to take a break up personally. Its more a sign of change rather than love or hatred, as one partner wants something different and cannot do as they please within the boundaries of a relationship. And don't we all want keep the people we love in our lives in some capacity other than lovers? Hope this answers your questions.

Good way to think of it, never thought of it like that before...

[SAB123]

Yes, Thank you.

[SAB123]

Up date on situation. Coming home from work and was pulling in drive way and as I look up at the corner of my eye I see her drive by (slower then she normally drives) She usually does not pick him up because he gets off at 4:00 and she don't get home from work until 6:00 pm. So she did take the day off. In previous break ups when we got back she did say when we drove past my house her son would ask why can't we go to my house. So why would she put him through that because I do know he stills misses me . Actually last year he asked my ex his mom if he could call me dad. So I know he loves me a lot. I do know if you go past my house you will save maybe 4 minutes rather then going longer route. When she broke up with me in the beginning when she was mad she said don't worry I won't be driving past your house this time. And I did tell her a couple of weeks ago not to call, e-mail or try to see me ever again. I know she's playing games but she knows to leave me alone why is she still doing this to me. Then 4.5 hours later my phone rings and it's her sons step brother calling. I didn't answer his phone call. It was weird because he usually don't call during week and plus I accidentally called him a couple of days ago but while I had him on the phone told him again not to tell me anything about ex or if she tells him something to tell her I don't want to hear it. But maybe this why I was never able/wanted to get over her all other break ups she keeps doing this crap to my head. Because every time she drives buy or contacts me I don't move forward but 5 steps behind and this is the 2 1/2 - 3 month mark for her. This usually the time she make her way back into my life. And she did make me suffer 2 1/2 - 3 months all 5 break Ups.
I know I must continue NC and try to avoid her like the plague. But if she wants me back she will just come up to my door and get me. I just hope if she does that she don't come up to door because I still am missing her and my head is emotionally unstable.

[talaniman]

How old are you guys anyway??

[SAB123]

How old are you guys anyway????

I know what you are saying and I am moving on as far as her I don't what her problem is.