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tikki14 · Mar 9, 2013, 04:32 AM

I have met a wonderful guy and we've been together for three months now. He's perfect, everything I've ever wanted, but I still fear our relationship will crash because of me.

I have a kind of complicated life: I've always been pushed to do what others wanted me to, I never had the chance to be myself from all points of view so not only that I am pretty shy, but I don't have a personality either. I've tried to overcome this problem myself, I also had counseling, but nothing worked. I don't want to be a bore anymore, I want to be able to talk and be a nice company, but no matter how much I try, I always fail and I'm sick of feeling embarrassed because I don't know what to say or because my life is too boring (my daily routine: I go to school, I come home then study all day because this what I am supposed to do; on the other side, my parents go to work then come home and generally waste their time doing nothing). Moreover my parents are not talkative at all, we barely greet... So how am I supposed to have an interesting life taking into consideration these facts? That's right: it is impossible, but for the next three months till I graduate high school, I cannot make any change because I need to prepare for exams and university.

Well, this is the cause of my behavior, still I have do deal with it before it's too late. I've already lost 3 boyfriends because I am a bore and I'm not able to break monotony with something interesting. So, what should I do to make a change? How do you fill silent moments when you are with someone? Please, help me if you can, I'm fed up of ending up hurt because of me and I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life because I'm not able to make small talk.

jacobm28 · Mar 9, 2013, 07:51 AM

Take interest in what guys like, video games, sports, etc etc, or at least act like it, you never know, you might grow to like what us guys like, its worth a shot.. it ain't like your relationships have worked before doing what your doing right? Give it a shot, believe me! You will SO be a person of interest in taking up guy interests.

And considering your in school... I'm guessing HS right? You have plenty of time to bloom... life don't really start until your out of school, I know mine got great after hs

tikki14 · Mar 9, 2013, 09:40 AM

I see a point in what you said, but would you be so nice to give me some tips on how to start getting to know more about sports, video games, cars and other topics? I feel like an alien when it comes to these...

jacobm28 · Mar 9, 2013, 09:49 AM

Originally Posted by tikki14

I see a point in what you said, but would you be so nice to give me some tips on how to start getting to know more about sports, video games, cars and other topics? I feel like an alien when it comes to these...

well first start with simple games if you have no prior game experience... like Game Boy... try different kinds... Guitar Hero is a great gateway, fun for both... its a combo of music and platform game. Do you have a gaming system? If not try a PC game, like World of Warcraft, you can start playing solo games of both fantasy and strategy, with sports, if your in hs u should join volleyball, basketball or softball to broaden your horizons alilbit. It'll give guys alil more insight and show more interest towards you, like "hey shes an athlete, she HAS to like sports at least alilbit"... we are simple creatures like that

talaniman · Mar 9, 2013, 09:54 AM

Why not ask your boyfriend to show you?

jacobm28 · Mar 9, 2013, 09:58 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Why not ask your boyfriend to show you?

being a kid is tough, and being straight forward like that while your in hs might scare all the little boys away.. so seeking info online from people unbiased about the situation could be best, she asked for answers not questions.

Wondergirl · Mar 9, 2013, 10:00 AM

Ask him questions about sports or cars or whatever he seems to like. Guys love to talk and explain things to us girls. Also, go the public library and check out books on various topics -- even start with the kids' books on basketball or baseball or video games or cars to get basic information.

Invite him over and do a cooking project with him -- bake brownies or cookies. Make sure Mom is okay with this.

Play board games with him or card games like War or Uno. Do a jigsaw puzzle together. Go for a walk in the woods. Try out different activities to see what you both enjoy.

jacobm28 · Mar 9, 2013, 10:03 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Ask him questions about sports or cars or whatever he seems to like. Guys love to talk and explain things to us girls. Also, go the the public library and check out books on various topics -- even start with the kids' books on basketball or baseball or video games or cars to get basic information.

Invite him over and do a cooking project with him -- bake brownies or cookies. Make sure Mom is okay with this.

Play board games with him or card games like War or Uno. Do a jigsaw puzzle together. Go for a walk in the woods. Try out different activities to see what you both enjoy.

good advice, glad were on the same page about the matter.

tikki14 · Mar 9, 2013, 10:30 AM

Thank you so much for your answers! Now I feel more hopeful about the future :)

jacobm28 · Mar 9, 2013, 10:43 AM

Originally Posted by tikki14

Thank you so much for your answers! Now I feel more hopeful about the future :)

your welcome, hope you take some of our advice and it works out for you. :)

tikki14 · May 5, 2013, 01:32 AM

********Threads have been merged together*********

I'm sorry I have to bring back the discussion from March (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...re-738257.html) but I'm kind of desperate. I mean, I've got into his hobbies: football, basketball, all sorts of games, cars, so forth. We get on really well, never had an argument by now, but the problem is, I feel neglected. He's more into his hobbies than into me.

For instance, last week we went to a football match and since we arrived earlier, we had to wait for a while. He didn't even bother I was next to him bored as hell while he was stressed checking out match scores for his bets. Moreover, when he met some friends he stood by them and he only moved back next to me when one of them told him to. However, when we're home and he says ''let's watch this match'' or whatever he's always the one initiating sex. He doesn't bother when it ends up like this.

Whenever I go to him, he's always playing something or watching cartoons, so when I get there we're doing this together. His parents are usually reprimanding him for this behavior, but he doesn't care and it was fine by me till the last week (I respect his hobbies).

Another issue is that I feel no discussion can bring us together, to feel that connection. I overlooked his lack of romanticism, because I know love is not like in movies and he compensates it with his kindness. Though, sometimes, I feel as if he doesn't care, sometimes he doesn't even bother to answer me although he's online on both messenger and Facebook and chats with anybody but me.

I reckon I'm not into many of his hobbies, I just can't, but as long as I respect his tastes it should be no problem. Then what's wrong?

smkanand · May 5, 2013, 02:24 AM

You are trying hard to know his hobbies and get along. But he seems to be unappreciative about that. Relationship doesn't work out in such situations. He is clearly ignoring your efforts. You should talk to him about it and his behaviour. You don't have to carry the burden of this relationship on your shoulder.

talaniman · May 5, 2013, 06:20 AM

I reckon I'm not into many of his hobbies, I just can't, but as long as I respect his tastes it should be no problem. Then what's wrong?

Its all you catering to him and his hobbies, but no him catering to YOUR hobbies. Its to one sided when it comes to just sharing fun.

tikki14 · May 5, 2013, 06:46 AM

I know it's kind of one sided, but my hobbies are not very appealing to him.

My hoobies are:
- programming (he doesn't know anything about it)
- dance sports (he likes football, wresling, brutal sports)
- arts (he thinks old pictures or music are old fashioned)
- books (he likes books, but he's just too lazy to read; in fact, he has a very wide culture, he can beat me any time at this subject)
- travelling (he likes it too, but we can't afford to travel that often)
- cars (although I'm not such expert)
- having some sport like swimming, aerobics, jogging, handball, basketball (I wish he let me play with him, but he says I'd only stay in his way and make him lose the match)

So, how are we supposed to meet half way our hobbies and have fun both of us?

talaniman · May 5, 2013, 06:52 AM

You have to suggest it and he has to do his part and participate. If he doesn't, you are with the wrong guy. Its up to him to meet you halfway and you can't make him if he doesn't want, or is too selfish to consider your suggestions.

chickandduck · May 6, 2013, 01:04 AM

You are not a bore.
You have likes and dislikes, just read up more on those and find a club or such with others who share an interest in that.
For example if you like reading, read up on famous authors, read their works, join a book club.
If you like to sing, write songs, research band histories, try to pick up an instrument, join a club, take a drama or vocal class.

Aim to do one out of the ordinary thing per day. So if you normally take the same route every day, go home a new way. You will see something strange and be able to tell your boyfriend about it and have a nice conversation.

Talk to new people when ever you get the chance. If you go on a new route home, strike up a conversation with a random guy. Not only does this make you practice social skills, but if its on a route you don't normally take.. you don't have to see that person again if you make a bit of a fool out of yourself :).
Meeting new people and listening to them will make you a more interesting person because you will learn new things about what people think about the world. You may end up making a new friend even!
You can then try this if there is someone you see around a lot at school, just be like, "hey, my name is soandso, I just noticed, I see you a lot around school, we must have similar schedules. Whats your name?"

When in a relationship, you prevent yourself from being boring by taking on new experiences as though you did not have just your partner to rely on. This is called independence. You can live on if he wasn't there and you show it (not in a way that is cheating -sleeping with others, heavy flirting, etc) but you show that you can make new friends and that others would be happy to have your company.

I am sure you are not boring, regardless of the fact that you say you are. Just shy. You can work on the shyness a bit and thus gain more experience and perhaps be a little more charismatic. I would highly recommend the talking to strangers, as well as maybe an acting class or improv class or two. The most charismatic of people learned to be that way by being embarrassed. Embarrassment is a good thing, helps you grow, helps you to know which people are so shallow as to care when you embarrass yourself when you are with them etc. :)

**EDIT**
You sound plenty exciting ! He just sounds like an a-hole who is putting you down so much that you think you aren't! I'd say try for a little longer, then if that doesn't work have a talk about how he is treating you. Ask him if he does think you are boring because of the way he is acting. If he says yes, then I'd move on. If he says no, try to talk about what his behaviour means. Perhaps he is very stressed and therefore taking it out on you. If this is true, his actions are not right and calling him out on them is the first step. If he doesn't change, leave.