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letmethink · Mar 8, 2013, 08:51 PM

I feel l have depression.please help me to think straight and to be happy like other people.
I don't feel like I should eat and its effecting my health too? I am losing pounds too.
I tried to think about happy things but every-time I find myself lost in thoughts.
How can I come back to normal me?
I am allergic to certain medicines and certain other things and have a history catching cold and fever.(if it means anything)).I had migraine too.now its cured.and had undergone surgeries twice for stomach problem and bone tumor.

Don't say I have to go and consult a doctor or a Councillor? I am not mental.believe me please?

chrissysno · Mar 8, 2013, 09:38 PM

I have depression, and it's nothing to be ashamed of, but to answer your question... A good way to reduce stress is to sit in a quiet place, (in a chair, or lying in bed) take 2 or 3 deep breaths, focus all of your attention on one spot in the room, and take deep breaths every 5 minutes or so, until you feel very relaxed and calm. Keep staring at the spot, and repeating the breaths until you feel loose and relaxed. It helps me a lot to clear my mind, and get on with my day. I hope this helps.

letmethink · Mar 8, 2013, 09:56 PM

Originally Posted by chrissysno

I have depression, and it's nothing to be ashamed of, but to answer your question....A good way to reduce stress is to sit in a quiet place, (in a chair, or lying in bed) take 2 or 3 deep breaths, focus all of your attention on one spot in the room, and take deep breaths every 5 minutes or so, until you feel very relaxed and calm. Keep staring at the spot, and repeating the breaths until you feel loose and relaxed. It helps me a lot to clear my mind, and get on with my day. I hope this helps.

I will try it definitely.thanks

Alty · Mar 8, 2013, 09:58 PM

You don't want to consult a doctor or counselor? That leaves you one option. You'll have to learn to deal with it.

If you're not willing to use the help that's available, there's very little we can do to help.

Wondergirl · Mar 8, 2013, 10:10 PM

In yoga class we put on peaceful music, empty our minds, and lie on our mats and close our eyes. Then, one by one, we tense the various muscle groups from our toes to our face, tense for five seconds, then relax tense, relax. You can think about code words for tensing (oooooh) and relaxing (aaaaah) if you wish. At the end, we lie totally relaxed on the mat like we are deeply asleep for maybe five minutes, then slowly rise to our feet.

Maybe join a yoga class?

letmethink · Mar 8, 2013, 10:19 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

In yoga class we put on peaceful music, empty our minds, and lie on our mats and close our eyes. Then, one by one, we tense the various muscle groups from our toes to our face, tense for five seconds, then relax tense, relax. You can think about code words for tensing (oooooh) and relaxing (aaaaah) if you wish. At the end, we lie totally relaxed on the mat like we are deeply asleep for maybe five minutes, then slowly rise to our feet.

Maybe join a yoga class?

Yeah.. that is a good option.thanks

letmethink · Mar 8, 2013, 10:40 PM

Originally Posted by Alty

You don't want to consult a doctor or counselor? That leaves you one option. You'll have to learn to deal with it.

If you're not willing to use the help that's available, there's very little we can do to help.

The problem I don't want to go consult is this. In other thread of mine I have explained what is causing me so stressed. All the pressure from family resulted in this and I thought I could handle this myself.now I can't even sleep.when I started this relationship,my parents were so desperate to break me up with him,so they took me to some psychiatrists,and told my boyfriend ,and my other friends and relatives that I am mentally ill. My mom works in medical field.so already is in good terms with those doctors.So my parents will give doctors false details,and so they will also diagnosis me as not mentally stable.they took me to some 4-6 doctors,because some said I am perfectly all right,so my parents will just take me to another doctor.
They are just trying to do this,because they think then my boyfriend will leave me.
But my friend told them he will marry me even if I am completely nuts

So I don't want to consult any now

Alty · Mar 8, 2013, 10:43 PM

Originally Posted by letmethink

the problem i don't want to go consult is this. in other thread of mine i have explained what is causing me so stressed. all the pressure from family resulted in this and i thought i could handle this myself.now i can't even sleep.when i started this relationship,my parents were so desperate to break me up with him,so they took me to some psychiatrists,and told my bf ,and my other friends and relatives that i am mentally ill. my mom works in medical field.so already is in good terms with those doctors.So my parents will give doctors false details,and so they will also diagnosis me as not mentally stable.they took me to some 4-6 doctors,because some said i am perfectly alright,so my parents will just take me to another doctor.
they are just trying to do this,because they think then my bf will leave me.
but my friend told them he will marry me even if i am completely nuts

so i don't wanna consult any now

I'm confused. I thought you said in another thread, that you're 21. You're an adult, not a child. Your parents have no say about the doctors you see, or the counseling you receive.

If you choose to do this the right way, and get counseling, or see a doctor, your parents don't even need to know about it unless you tell them. It's your choice who to see. So why is the past an issue? You're no longer a child that needs to do what they say, or see who they want you to see. You're an adult. It's your choice.

Wondergirl · Mar 8, 2013, 11:14 PM

Originally Posted by Alty

I'm confused. I thought you said in another thread, that you're 21. You're an adult, not a child. Your parents have no say about the doctors you see, or the counseling you receive. ... You're an adult. It's your choice.

It doesn't work that way in India.

letmethink · Mar 8, 2013, 11:41 PM

Originally Posted by Alty

I'm confused. I thought you said in another thread, that you're 21. You're an adult, not a child. Your parents have no say about the doctors you see, or the counseling you receive.

If you choose to do this the right way, and get counseling, or see a doctor, your parents don't even need to know about it unless you tell them. It's your choice who to see. So why is the past an issue? You're no longer a child that needs to do what they say, or see who they want you to see. You're an adult. It's your choice.

In here most girls are not allowed to go out after 5 in evenings.and some even in daytime without company.I wish I was born in America or somewhere.
I fear if I consult a doctor,somehow,my parents will found out.They just need a doctors certification saying I am mentally ill and is not fit for marriage,in-case if I ran-away.Tthey fear I will pressure them for dowry

Wondergirl · Mar 8, 2013, 11:48 PM

Originally Posted by letmethink

not fit for marriage

If they can talk a doctor into certifying that, then what?

letmethink · Mar 8, 2013, 11:57 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

If they can talk a doctor into certifying that, then what?

I just hope,none will do such a mean thing. If they could obtain such a certificate,and if ran-away and got married secretly,then they could file a complaint in police station and could convince the cops that I am not sound minded to decide what is good and bad,and the boy must have took advantage of the situation and tricked me into marrying him. Usually this happens

Wondergirl · Mar 9, 2013, 12:00 AM

Do they want to arrange a marriage for you with someone?

letmethink · Mar 9, 2013, 12:09 AM

I don't know.
At first they tried to break off the relation.then they changed their mind and told me to leave their home and get married to him and never come back.so when I asked after few days whether we could do it is as an arranged marriage,they said no.then I told them if I am going to stay at home they would have to give me money for studies(or else how without a job)or allow me to get married? They said no to both.now they don't want me to get married to any I believe.now the option before is to ran-away and marry secretly,but it have the consequences I mentioned
I don't know how to explain the way I feel.

Wondergirl · Mar 9, 2013, 12:11 AM

I would feel sick and hopeless.

Is there a caste difference? Why won't they let you marry him?

Wondergirl · Mar 9, 2013, 12:19 AM

It's after 1 a.m. here, so I have to go to bed.

Here is what I would do -- I would gradually acknowledge to them that they are correct and I have been foolish, then get a good job or more schooling. I would bide my time and gather my resources.

More tomorrow.

letmethink · Mar 9, 2013, 12:22 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I would feel sick and hopeless.

Is there a caste difference? Why won't they let you marry him?

He is Hindu(Hinduism is only followed in India I believe) and me Christian.. but he is good looking,educationaly well qualified,got a nice job,nice family. What else my parents wants.
I like to live like you people.you could live with any of your choice.could work even while studying.in here children are not allowed to do many part-time jobs like you people have their. Here it is considered as child lab-our.
Even when they age some are ashamed to do part-time jobs even if they like

letmethink · Mar 9, 2013, 12:23 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

It's after 1 a.m. here, so I have to go to bed.

Here is what I would do -- I would gradually acknowledge to them that they are correct and I have been foolish, then get a good job or more schooling. I would bide my time and gather my resources.

More tomorrow.

Oh sorry. Have a nice sleep

dontknownuthin · Mar 9, 2013, 01:00 AM

So what do your parents want you to do now? Are they still OK with you leaving and marrying this guy without their blessing and without their arranging for it? That might be best - to just leave. Will his family provide you any protection? Can you go far away so that it would be difficult for your family to interfere? If they are giving you no acceptable options, you have to take the risk and do what you want.

I also wonder if you might be able to go to a Western embassy and explain the situation and see if you can be granted assistance and asylum elsewhere. Explain you are 21 but have no rights as a woman and your family is not permitting you to marry, work or go to school and are also unwilling to support you. Tell them you are seeking asylum in Europe or America. You may be able to get some assistance to get out of the country. Perhaps your boyfriend can follow you and marry you in another country.

As long as you have to be at home, I would just be planning and plotting to get away, but act like you think your parents are right and wise and be kind to them. Let them think you are falling in line with their intentions because this is really about appearances and control - they want to control you to do what they want so that you reflect well on them in their society, no matter how outdated and unfair that society is. If you are able to leave, they will not figure out that you are planning to do so. If you are not able to leave, once they see you being more cooperative, they might be willing to help you with your education or, may realize they don't want to support you financially forever and let you marry the man of your choice.

Would those options work for you, do you think?

letmethink · Mar 9, 2013, 06:08 AM

Yeah his family is supportive .all they need is a girl who will take good care of him.
Is it possible to move to another country and get married?
Will it work that way here too? I mean can I get married at any place of my choice in India?
Till now I thought, if I go through proper channel, I could get married only at where I live, by presenting original documents (for proof)