[hayhaytea]

I have lied to my fiancé. I have slept with a lot of men in my past and didn't want him to know about such scandalous things that I have done. It took a while, but piece by piece he got it all out of me. It took him many times asking me and breaking up with me to finally get it all out of me, so now he doesn't believe anything I say, even though there's nothing else left out there and I'm actually being honest with him. The most recent thing is that a few months ago, he had asked me to remove anyone I had ever hooked up with from Facebook. I told him I did, but in all reality, I had left one person on there because that person was still a friend that I never really talked to and wasn't a threat at all to our relationship. That person was just the kind of friend that I hooked up twice and we always went back to being nonchalant about it and joking and giving advice to each other about whatever was going on at the time when we saw each other, which I hadn't seen him since I started dating my fiancé.

I have never cheated on him, EVER. Now, he doesn't know if he wants to be with me, but there could be a chance that he could be. He had me delete all the men from my Facebook friends list and from my phone address book. He's also saying that while we were broken up, he wants to be able to do whatever he wants. Go out with his friends, be with other women etc. The being with other women part is KILLING me because I can't picture him with anyone else. It makes me sick. He says he loves me but he wants to do that because he hasn't been turned on by me in months and wants to be able to get off. So he doesn't care what I think.

I need any kind of outside input on this as to am I right to be so disgusted and hurt. Is he right to want to do that? I need help with this so much. Any advice or input will help.

He has also told me I've gained weight (which I have) and I'm fat now.
- That I am I lying ****, *****, whore... etc.
- That my ***** feels like he's in the Callahan Tunnel. (Which is a really wide tunnel in Boston?)
- Every time he gets angry with me he starts with the name calling.
- He knows my last relationship was abusive, he says to me "oh, looks like I have to treat you like (insert ex's name here) to get you to respect me."
- He actually woke me up the other morning after a huge fight by yelling at me, calling me names and kicking me in the arm while I was lying in bed.

Is he taking it farther than it should be taken, or has my lying forced this to happen?

[joypulv]

WAIT - he dragged out PAST guys you had sex with??
WHY is that any of his business?
This man is doing a number on you, and you have to get out. You say you can't imagine him with other women, you have to leave NOW, painful though it may be. You are like Patty Hearst in the closet, so grateful for the day the door opens that you help rob banks.
GET OUT

[Fr_Chuck]

So I will assume he is not a EX boyfriend,

Someone that really loves you does not treat you like that. Leave him NOW and don't look back

[odinn7]

I can't believe that you are putting up with being treated this way.

He dragged out your past and now he's supposedly punishing you for it... that's just stupid. It's an excuse so he can treat you poorly and make you think you deserve it. And really... he wants to break up for a while and be with other girls? It bothers you but you are accepting it?

Tell him to have fun with them and don't come back. Don't accept this. You can do better. Tell him you are done with him.

[teacherjenn4]

This sounds abusive! Change your locks and do not let him back in! He is verbally and physically abusing you. You don't want to spend the rest of your life leaving one eye open when you sleep. You deserve better!

[ANGIE4124]

If I understand correctly; we are not talking about a boyfriend, we're past that stage and are now at fiancé status with this sort of horrid behaviour…

Evidently he is saying in his own way; that he does not care for you anymore and has shown you through his abuse what he really thinks and feels about you… Apparently; not much!

For me; I wouldn't wait for him to come back nor have him in my life; because he's only going to hold those past mistakes over your head to give him permission to continue his abuse.

Now whilst we all have a past hayhaytea; not everything has to be disclosed unless it would bring harm to the other person. Your past is your own private business and no-one need know! You can't go back and fix it, but you can improve the present. Here I would suggest you DELETE him! At least this won't be regarded as a mistake :)

[Homegirl 50]

He sounds like a jerk. Why have you not told him to get lost and not contact you again?
What a controlling abusive creep.

[Jake2008]

This is not about him. This is about you. If you have made choices to satisfy another's curiosiuty about your past relationships, in order to meet some sort of qualification (although this has backfired hasn't it- he uses the information you gave him against you), then this whole situation is bass ackwards.

If you had slept with the entire Toronto Maple Leaf's hockey team, that has nothing to do with him. If you are a changed person now that you have matured, and decided on a different life, and different, more stable relationships, that is all that counts. That is who you are now.

We all have had regrets about past partners. That is how we learn, and how we change.

If you really cannot see how destructive this man is in your life, please seek counselling to get your thinking straight.

[brookiieecookii]

Its not about him its about you. You better get the hell out of there if he is abusing you

[krafteame]

You do really need to get out while you are still able. The abuse is going to continue to get worse, both emotionally and physically.Someone like him makes his self feel better about himself when he is able to put someone else down. He is using your past to beat yourself esteem down. By doing this he makes you feel like you are being treated bad because you have did things that make you deserve to be treated bad. Then he can do whatever he wants to do. And he will have you convinced that if it wasn't for what you did in your past he wouldn't be having to do go out and do all he is doing. What you have done in your past is none of his business. No matter what you have or haven't done, no one deserves to be treated like he is treating you. You need to hold your head up high and see him for what he is, a self indulgent , abusive monster. He sure is not a man. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who loves you. He sure does not love you. He wants to own and control you and he accomplishes this with abuse. When you love someone you don't say or do hurtful things to the person you love. If you do not get away from him the abuse is only going to get worse until you end up getting hurt . It is not easy to break the hold of a relationship like what you are in. I am telling you these things from first hand experience. I have been where you are at and I almost did not make it out. So please take my warnings seriously and get away from him. Please keep us up on how you are doing.