[SincerelyScared]

Hi, Im new here, I stumbled across this site searching for answers to my questions. Im really in a vulnerable place mentally right now, dealing with some past issues, and trying to cope with the present, but recently I have been questioning my sexuality, and its just adding to the stress. I am a sixteen year old girl, who has never had sex. Im not looking to have sex just to find out what's what, Im just not ready for the strings that are attached to it all. But knowing what I am, would definitely ease my mind. Let me start by saying, I am in no way a homophobe. I believe you love who you love and that is that, end of story. Im going to try and keep the facts straight and simple for you guys.

I have been in relationships with a few guys.
I have always liked guys, both the emotional aspect & the physical. But I was never an overly sexual person. I have kissed guys, but never went beyond that.
Actually, I had a really big crush on a guy up until recent, not really sure how I feel given the situation of things right now. But Im getting off track.
I have never had feelings for a girl. I do not see myself with a girl. The thought of having sex with a girl, is not appealing to me. BUT. The reason I am questioning myself, is because a few months ago I was watching romantic movies, and stumbled across a TV show, which I naively mistook the name for something else. Not knowing what it was, I watched it, but it cut directly to a sex scene, with two women. I don't know why I didn't click out right away, curiosity I guess, but at first it wasn't anything. And then my body started reacting to it, and I clicked off right away. This is not the first time, it has happened. Anything remotely sexual, straight, gay, whatever, erm.. ''works''. But I have never intentionally viewed the gay scenes. Also, I have noticed, that sometimes when I see beautiful women, or see an overly sexual ''in your face'' sort of thing with women, I do this really sharp breath intake, but I never feel anything ''down under'', its just really awkward for a few seconds, almost like Im holding my breath, and its just happens on its own. Could these be hormones? Or curiosity still? I have spoken with two female rolemodels, whom I trust greatly, about all of my worries, and questions, but they say I react because I haven't done anything myself, and it easy for me to put myself in that persons shoes. It has really been bothering me lately, to the point where I cannot sleep. People keep saying, wait & you will know, time will tell, but I don't want to live the next years of my life in constant anxiety about it. I would like to know, what I am. I could maybe get some sleep, if I knew. Im really confused, and scared. Im hoping this site will bring some peace of mind.. Please guys, If you can help me, Im listening.

[Fr_Chuck]

First no, you don't have sex just to have sex. You want the first time to have at least some level of special meaning and you have many years to worry about the first time.

Next at 16 most young people get confused, and watching a sex scene and even enjoying watching it makes you human, not lesbian or bi.

If you are bi, you will have desires to have sex with both girls and boys
If you are lesbian you will have no desires to be with a boy and only girls sexually
If you prefer boys, then you will have no desires for girls.

So why worry about a label, why not just date who you want to date, and if things go further, then they do.

But remember be on birth control pills and use a condom if you have sex and even then you could still become pregnant, so sex should really wait till you are ready to be a mother.

[louise1928]

I agree with fr_chuck on this if your gay your gay but by th elooks of things your not youv'e aways fancied boys so why should that change now? Plus your sixteen and your hormones are going mad noreason you wouldn't be abit curious.

[mark25624]

I think it's too early to decide who and where you are in life.
Do what I did when I was young.
Just enjoy life.
Do what it is that you do.
Live the way you want to live.
And just let time and nature take it's course.
You will know when the time is right.

It's just the movie that got you to wondering just who you are.

Don't let hollywood tell you who you are/should be.
That is for you to decide.

[joypulv]

Our society has gone though some 'swings' over sexual preference. After years of gays being told their mothers were too overbearing or some old person of their own sex led them toward being gay, and gays protesting 'no I always knew I was gay,' we now are getting to that middle ground where we realize that It Isn't That Simple. I have known a few women who were lesbians for a while, because they liked a lesbian enough to be in a sexual relationship, or because they were lonely, or because they had really bad luck with men. Many women were involved with men until they either 'realized' they were gay or until they just decided that they were going to make a choice of one sex over the other.

I am a woman who has been attracted to 2 or 3 women in my (straight) life of 66 years, and don't worry about defining myself. I think 2 of them I cuddled with but nothing sexual happened. I might have been looking for something that didn't lead to a penis bouncing in and out of me at the time. Most of the time though I really preferred a man around. Many of us want a mother figure, father figure, handsome stranger, young naïve person, some sort of group grope, who knows what you want if you really let your inner secrets out. It might be wishing for what you don't have - I have small breasts and find myself staring at large ones. What does it all mean? It means that humans are complicated animals. So explore your feelings, and know that you are not alone at all.

[mark25624]

I may sound contradictory.
But! If you think or feel you are.
Then explore it.

Coming out or some gays.
They feel just makes life great.
Rather than keeping it inside.

It may be the 1 you want.
Or someone else.
Test the waters and see what develops.

[JudyKayTee]

First - and I mean this sincerely - congratulations on not rushing into sex with the first person you date. The questions posted here often confuse and confound me. You certainly have inner strength - you also express yourself very, very well.

Looking forward to teaching, writing, something similar?

I think confusion at 16 is understandable. As far as porn, and I'm a heterosexual woman, I find woman on woman to be erotic. That doesn't mean I want to try it, that doesn't mean I'm gay. I read somewhere one time (and I wish I could remember where and if it's a reliable source) that no one is 100% gay or 100% straight because everyone finds somethng that would not participate in to be erotic.

I don't know how well I expressed that - ?

If your thoughts are keeping you awake at night, could you speak to a school counselor, someone you can trust? I think what you are experiencing is totally normal - and part of being 16.

And as I said, I like your style!

I think exploring your sexuality before you are of legal age, when you are conflicted, when sex (obviously with a male!) could lead to pregnancy, could be a huge mistake, something that could make you feel guilty for years to come. I also think your confusion could lead to you being exploited by either a male or a female.

I do think you need to sit down with someone you trust and discuss this.

And to Mark - are you suggesting that a 16 year old, confused about her sexuality, should engage in sex for some reason I'm not understanding? "Coming out or some gays. They feel just makes life great. Rather than keeping it inside. It may be the 1 you want.
Or someone else. Test the waters and see what develops." Is the advice you give/gave to your underage, confused children and grandchildren?

[joypulv]

I agree with JKT that you write and express yourself very well (couldn't give a greenie, JKT).