What do I do?

sheilaMar · Dec 31, 2012, 10:32 PM

I’m 25 I have 2 young boys and I’m about to have another little boy. My husband has been wearing a rubber band around his penis to get a full erection. Without the rubber band he can't get it up. He spends a lot of time alone in his office.

The other night we went out to eat and a movie and when we came home I went to sleep, well because he went to smoke out back. When he came back he started a sexual session but when he reached to look for his rubber band after a 5 min or so I told him please don’t. He was really upset, got off me and said that I’m such a turn off, and that no one has ever turned him off like I have.

Two day later he’s been really distant and rude at times so I finally got upset enough and told him that he need to find someone that could be as tight as his rubber band he said that to trust him he will and that I’m loose and that in the past few years I haven’t been able to satisfy him even at the minimal at sex.

I stood quiet because well what can I say. I already knew this because of the way he behaves with me. What do I do?

mareola · Dec 31, 2012, 10:51 PM

Your husband has a serious problem. He needs to seek medical attention for his sexual dysfunction. If he won't you need to consider leaving him for someone who won't abuse you emotionally to compensate for his inability to maintain an erection.

Enigma1999 · Dec 31, 2012, 11:05 PM

Also, I would just like to add that I am quite certain that your husband is very embarrassed about not being able to maintain an erection.

Now, I am not justifying his actions toward you, however, he seems to be saying these things out of embarrassment.

First, how old is he? I saw you are in your twenties... Him too?

Has he been to a doctor regarding his inability to keep an erection?

Does he have anger issues?

When did his behavior start? Insulting you, that is?

sheilaMar · Dec 31, 2012, 11:17 PM

Well he's always kind of insulted me. He can have an anger issue but its only with me. I take out the worst in him. No-one has ever made him as angry as I can get him. When it comes to this part of the relationship he started about 2 1/2-3 years ago we have been together for 10 years now. Last year when we went to disneyland we stood at a hotel for a few day and we were about to but he said you never do anything you just lay there suck my or something and at that I feel like me giving him oral just wasn't enough. You know the other morning I was thinking I would pay a woman to try to seduce him to see if its just me that he's not into but I would die if he did it with another woman and if he did then it would be the end of us.

Enigma1999 · Dec 31, 2012, 11:23 PM

Have you guys considered counseling? Sometimes it's nice to have a third party...

Why do you bring out the bad in him? What things are you saying that make him so upset?

Do you use his weaknesses to your advantage?

sheilaMar · Dec 31, 2012, 11:29 PM

No I don't, I wish there was a way that I could get him to get counsoling with me but we may be far from that one minute we are good and the other we are not.
I love him allot but like he says he puposely avoids me. I have no interesting conversation. So he just cacums intohis office comes out to use the rest room or to play a little with the kids but other wise he preffers the office. He can have a good 2-3 honey moon day in the month other that I need to just keep my mouth shut cause I can't fix anything.

Enigma1999 · Dec 31, 2012, 11:36 PM

Is he on any medication? Does he seem depressed? He locks himself in the office because he is not happy. Is his job stressful?

Do you have family around? Friends?

No, you two aren't "far from it". You could get counseling at any point in your marriage. There is no shame in that.

You two need better communication in your relationship. You can't continue on like this, and frankly, neither can he.

This isn't healthy.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 1, 2013, 01:55 AM

No it is not good, if the next minute it is bad, it is still bad in the 'better minute" since it is just waiting to go bad.

Next you insulted him by being negative about the rubber band. Right now that is the only thing helping him. It slightly cuts off the blood flow allowing the erection. They make special rings that are tight, and most have points or things to help increase the women's pleause also.

He has a very very common sexual dysfunction. Most likely there is medication that can help with this, or the use of a ring will be the doctors choice.

Also this can be a sign of prostate or urinary issues, and he really needs to talk to his doctor about this. Many men without problems use the rings since they make the erection last longer.

He insulted you, since you insulted him about the rubber band.

sheilaMar · Jan 1, 2013, 10:47 AM

Yes I think so last night he came over and told me he loves me but that he might have a problem.

talaniman · Jan 1, 2013, 11:49 AM

Instead of being frustrated and taking it out on each other, let a doctor help you through this frustrations by showing you some medical solutions. Sure sounds like erectile dysfunction, and could have been helped by YOU, or HIM having a rubber band under the pillow. (A penis ring is better, meds even better than that if he has medical issues)

Hurting each other is no solution, so understand and start with his check up, and your understanding of what's really going on.

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