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lvbiggie · Dec 4, 2012, 05:33 PM

My husband of 33 years has cheated on me not once but three times. The last time was about a month ago when he went out of the country for a golf trip. When he came back from his trip he was acting strangely so I confronted him, and he lied. After I screamed at him I told him to be a man and tell me the truth, which he did.

After not speaking to him for a few weeks after, we reconciled after he cried and begged me to forgive him. I told him that I don't know if I could ever trust him again. His yearly golf trip is coming up and I'm waiting for him to mention it to me.

If he goes, he is going to have to choose between his golf trips or me. I am 54 years old, but don't look my age. I know there is a better life out there for me. My kids are both grown and live on their own. They support me with whatever decision I make. Am I doing the right thing asking him to choose?

Homegirl 50 · Dec 5, 2012, 12:39 AM

It's not his golf trips he needs to choose, he needs to be faithful. If he has cheated that many times, he may cheat again and you can't trust him. If you can't trust him, you have no marriage. Have you two considered counseling?

mypointofview · Dec 5, 2012, 04:51 AM

Your husband has a discipline problem, if he cheats again are you planning on screaming and going into tantrums to get the truth yet again.

You can figure this out for yourself!

coachrollo · Dec 5, 2012, 05:59 AM

He needs to make the decision If his marriage is important he will do the right thing and stay home. Its time for you to turn this over to God and ask him for guidance. If he decides to go then you have your answer. He just knows you will scream and accept him back. As the old saying goes there is allways reaction s for actions.

Oliver2011 · Dec 5, 2012, 07:10 AM

Do you feel loved?

Some people on here would offer much better advice than me. However, I would not stay with someone who cheated once, let alone three times. Three times might as well be one thousand times.

Sometimes when people feel bad after they have been caught, it is because they got caught. One final question - how can you ever trust him again?

Wondergirl · Dec 5, 2012, 07:48 AM

He doesn't need to make a choice. You do.

J_9 · Dec 5, 2012, 08:03 AM

He doesn't need to make a choice. You do.

Bravo!

Its time for you to turn this over to God and ask him for guidance.

Please don't preach your "God" to us or the OP. This is a global website and many people do not subscribe to your religious beliefs.

To the OP... why did you let it get this far? Why did you not go into counseling the first or the second time? Or did you? It appears this man is a serial cheater and you are letting him risk your health with his hobby?

Are you making the right decision asking him to choose what? You should have chosen long ago, if not the first time then the second, to let him go. He is not taking his vows as a husband seriously and obviously has a morality issue.

May I ask why you have stayed with him through this infidelity?

talaniman · Dec 5, 2012, 10:08 AM

You both needed counselling after the first time and is it to late now? NO. I can imagine if he goes on this golf trip you will be on pins and needles until he gets back and you start hollering for a confession.

The choice for him should be couples counselling or leave. Maybe you should have gone regardless long ago. Not to late for that either.

ANGIE4124 · Dec 16, 2012, 03:26 PM

If this was a baseball game; it would be three strikes and you are out! Goodness knows how many times he has tried to steal second or third base before hitting a home run!

The analogy is; you are the Umpire, he is the batter and life has pitched him three chances at fidelity! When he is called OUT, he naturally cries and begs forgiveness, for he has let his team called Marriage, slip from ever reaching the finals.

Yet with all the bases loaded with 33 years of excuses, he still manipulates the Umpires decision to call him SAFE! If only we all had such a player/husband in our team; and you as our Umpire we would all win the World Series?

But enough of baseball, this is about Golf and putting the 19th Hole; here you want to know if you are doing the right thing by asking 'him to choose'… I would have thought the better question to address is; when do you know it is time to leave…? Which I would suggest somewhere between now and before receiving a sexual transmitted disease… So if you know there is a better life out there for you, what makes you think you have time at 54 years old to change his golfing trips/cheating stratagem in the scheme of things?

fredg · Dec 16, 2012, 05:59 PM

I am 70 yrs old, was married 30 yrs, before my wife died from bad lungs from smoking. At 54, hopefully, you still have many years yet. If you can make it on your own (not trying to be negative, but moneywise), you might think about leaving.
For me, a good marriage is based on trust, faith, respect, and talking about everything. He doesn't respect you, and you don't trust him. I really wouldn't give him a choice now, but that's your decision. If you stay with him, be prepared for the cheating to continue, regardless of what he says. I do wish you the best.