[Ikidiabai]

I have been with this girl for 8 years and I love her very much. She says she loves me everyday but when I upset her over some small issue she breaks up with me. I usually go No Contact for about 2 weeks after which she calls me and wants us to get back. She is 39 years old. She broke up with me because we went out and I drunk too much. Should I let her be for good this time?

[bigNavySeal]

Really, has it been the 10th time? That's a nicely rounded off number. Why don't you keep it like that? I would call it quits if I were you, sounds like this isn't going anywhere.

[joypulv]

I'm sort of wondering why it's important that we know how old she is but not how old you are.
She may not sound like a very mature 39 if she breaks up with you at the drop of a hat, but neither do you, if you admit that you drank too much when out with her recently (and we can only guess what that resulted in). So... maybe you should hang onto her, because she might be the best your are going to get.

[Ikidiabai]

I am 44 years old.I only drink occasionally when we go out together.but what I don't understand is , is this really a reason to break up with someone you love and had been together with for a long time? It seems that we break up every other month and it's usually her that initiates the breakup and she's the one that gets back when I start no contact.

[joypulv]

We can only go by what you tell us. We don't know you, we don't know her, we don't know if she is totally unreasonable and flies off the handle, or if you are clueless and annoying. There is no answer to a generic question 'Should I let her go this time?' You tell us - should you? What is your first instinctive gut feeling?

For all we know she is upset that she is 39 and isn't married after 8 long years of not even living together (you aren't, are you?). That's just a shot in the dark. I just don't get the impression that you are a communicator in relationships, partly because you are here asking a question only you can answer, and partly because of little things like stating her age and not yours.

[Ikidiabai]

Joypuv, I am 44 years old. Reason she snaps us cause of her very bad temper and she will break up after she snaps. It could be something very simple. However we love each other very much.but I think this is it. I can't handle it anymore. What would you do?

[joypulv]

I would do whatever you do. This isn't a case of violence or drugs or cheating or gambling all her money and yours too. It's a case of a woman who breaks up with you often and then wants you back. There is no RIGHT ANSWER!

Plus you didn't answer my question about your gut feeling. AND you didn't address my comment about her AGE as it relates to whether she is hinting at you asking her to marry you after 8 long years - or maybe you aren't even noticing the hints! Does she want children? She doesn't have much time left before birth defects start rising in probability. Do I have to spell it out that maybe she breaks up with you over all that?

Yes, I know I am turning the tables on you by not answering your question and asking you questions instead.

[Ikidiabai]

Joypluv: Reason I mentioned her age was to let you know that I expected her to be more mature than this. She has five children, kicked her husband out when we started dating. So she was cheating on her husband. I have 3 kids. Two in college by themselves and one living with her mother in NY. She has asked me for marriage but the whole temper thing scares me. Maybe that gives you a better picture of the situation.

[Alty]

She's broken up with you 10 times in 8 years. That's once a year, sometimes twice.

How's that going for you? Do you enjoy it? Do you think that will ever change? It won't. So, can you accept that once a year, sometimes more, she'll break up with you because you won't let her control you, she'll go off and sulk, then come back and repeat the cycle?

Doesn't sound like much of a relationship to me. But it's your choice. You've made that choice for 8 years, and 10 break ups. Are you ready for more, or do you want something and someone more secure?

[Ikidiabai]

Alty: thanks a lot for your response. I really see the light now. I agree with you it's all about control. But I refuse to be controlled. I am a good man and very caring. Every time we break up its hurting. I go No Contact and within two weeks she's back really nice to me. I think I am done this time. Am sure there is a more caring woman out there that will understand me. Thanks for your response

[talaniman]

Disappear from her life. Doesn't matter who is at fault, or why 10 times in 8 years is a lot, and doesn't seem to get better, problems resolved, anything ever changing.

You need NC for a lot longer than two weeks.

[Homegirl 50]

Some one breaks up with you that many times can't be happy with the relationship. That is a revolving door.
Stay away from her.

[Ikidiabai]

Talaniman and Homegirl: thank you so much for your responses. This is my first time on this website and you guys have been very helpful. I really appreciate that. I am going no contact and it will be for a long time. I already erased her phone number and closed my Facebook account. Just to let you know too I was very much involved in her kids lives and they all loved me. Actually called me daddy. Am going to miss that part. I loved her kids.

[Alty]

You can't stay for the kids, hard as that may be. Relationships based on kids never work. Only the kids end up suffering.

You're doing what's right for you. You don't deserve a relationship where you're constantly stepping on eggshells waiting for her to snap again and leave. I have arch enemies that treat me better than that.

[Ikidiabai]

Alti: I totally agree with you. It's like stepping on eggshells.I constantly Watch what I have to say or do. I just took her on vacation to Cabo San Lucas for 4 days. That's when I got drunk cause I was having lots of fun. She was with me. This was day 2. She got so mad she wouldn't talk to me the rest of the trip.Then she broke up with me. I spent 3500$ for the trip.

[joypulv]

If you had mentioned previous marriages and kids and so on at the beginning, my responses would have been different.
I do think that after 8 years you should be honest with her about your reasons you aren't taking her back and why you have been hesitant to marry her.

[talaniman]

My spidey sense tingles when an occasional drinker gets dumped and they say they have been dumped in the past over small things without explanation. I suspect you have minimized the impact and severity of these events, but its been time to go for a long time whatever the reasons for this breakup.

[Ikidiabai]

It's been a week now without talking to my ex and I have started feeling better. I have two problems though, her 5 year old and 18 year old daughters are constantly calling or texting me to say him and see how I am doing. I was very close to them. What should I do? Should I continue talking to them or shut them off completely? Another thing, I let her use my car because she has no way to get to work. Should I take the car at this time?

[Homegirl 50]

You have been with her for 8 years. Is the 5 year old your's?

[Ikidiabai]

No. None of the kids are mine. Although they are close to me and call me everyday