[Myth_]

Where do I start I have no idea the complication of this matter is deep. - I have been with my girl friend for 2 years now and it has been the best relationship of my life and I love her deeply but now I don't know what to do.

For the last couple of months it has literally been flip mode - She has been crying out for her space and time - but when I give it to her she calls me asking if I can pick her up from work or give her a ride to college or to come round for dinner or go see a movie with her. - 90% of these situations I am there for her.

On top of this she takes her stress out on me from her work load from work and college and the stress of assignments etc - but I am there for her as she has been there for me when things have been tough and or "stressful".

But on the top of this for the last 3 - 4 months or so her best friend has been telling her to break up with me - because all of a sudden she is not happy being with me so. When my girl friend vents stress everything seeps through saying she is not happy - she takes from her friends for being with me and she doesn't know if she wants to be with me anymore.

But also - from this she states and complains that I am now to clingy or that I am suffocating her or I am obsessed with her when I feel I'm trying to do the right thing which flips again more space more time I step back the last couple of months have been tough and yeah.

And from those threats of leaving me she tells me that she loves me with everything. - but just doesn't know how she feels - /... so I don't know what to do and what position I am in - and from all these threats it feels like its smashing my trust for her as well...

So guys help me what should I do ? Leave her - be patient - give her space - (kill the best friend (jokes) ? Suggestions? - realistically - I want to be with her

[MadamButterfly]

This may sound a little more than a little cheesy, but, maybe you should talk to her about taking some time off. Not necessarily calling it quits, but maybe just a week or two apart.
And, in those two weeks, maintain contact with her; maybe call her every few nights to say "I love you" (if you two are already doing that) or some such. Don't have prolonged 2-3 hour conversations, just a quick phone call so that you can maintain a sense of connection with her. In the meantime, do whatever you want to. If you've been neglecting your friends, take the time to hang out with them again, or rent some movies you wanted to see. Anything. Just do not spend the time thinking about her. The point of this is for the two of you to have some time away from each other, some time to clear the air and rethink what you want (and what she wants) from the relationship. At the end of the two weeks (or however long you both decide it should be) sit down, or cuddle on the bed, and talk about it. Maybe the time away from her will make you realize that the relationship has come to its end, that you've outgrown each other. Or perhaps you'll both realize just how important this relationship is. However it works out, I wish you the best of luck :)

-m

[Jiser]

Seems almost the same situation as Ive had in the past. She sounds confused and I agree with MadamButterfly, perhaps it is time you two had a break or just call it quits. A break will allow you both to reflect.

Its horrible when you are in a hot and cold relationship its mentally and physically draining so make sure you don't put yourself through it. Usually when this space issue comes to light it means they are no longer interested or are confused over their feelings.

Find a new direction in your life which doesn't involve your relationship and become that happy, bubbly person you once were. Stop clinging to your partner like sticky glue and regain your independence and of course communicate effectively with your partner.

[Myth_]

Yeah that's the problem I face - I don't stick to her like sticky glue - I give her space as it is out with my mates or bizy at work or doing my on uni assessments and going to class etc. she out with her girl friends and I'm at home drinking play xbox or doing something low key -

So even after not calling she will call me say gnite or ask something which does mean she is thinking about me - but if I go to do the same it can be flip mode once again and all of a sudden I'm the one that calls one million times even if it's a fone call that had lasted 38seconds. - literally

p.s can't remember the last time had a good 2 - 3 hour conversation

We have had the space and the break when it first evolved and she decided that she would be more happy with me then without me but yet still unhappy to a certain degree - I'm thinking routine or change is needed - but even when that is broken somehow that part falls into part of the routine

We need to find the spark we once had but it seems so lost amongst all the confusion she says she loves me she says forever but yet doesn't know what to do.

Or it is possible we have out grown each other -

Bit more detail I am 20yrs old and she is just turning 21 so she is a 11 months older then me.

[Myth_]

Oh and what am I meant to do about the best friend consistently telling her to leave me - on grounds that she just thinks we shouldn be together -

Have faith ?

[Jiser]

Your relationship seems to be fading quickly. Why not try doing a few different fun things together? Perhaps a trip to a theme park or white water rafting - anything spontaneous and interesting which you could try together.

Try speaking to her face to face about your worries, do not keep them bottled up or it will fuel your insecurities.

[talaniman]

She needs to work out her issues herself, and she has issues, so backoff and lighten up and let her call you. You both need to agree to the terms of this relationship, or you don't have one. Neither of you deserves to be in limbo

[MadamButterfly]

You did mention the fact that she is twenty-one, and you, twenty. Perhaps she is just changing, as a person. You said that the two of you have been together for two years now, so, when you met, you were only eigthteen, and she, nineteen.
At that age you were still kids, still crossing that threshold of adulthood. Now she's at the age where she can (legally) drink, giving her access to nightclubs and all other 21+ perks. Perhaps its not really about you, maybe she's just lashing out at you because of the frustration she feels. She's changing as a person, and you probably are, too. Neither of you are the same person you were, two years ago. And, as people change, their relationships change... honestly, from what I've read, it seems as though this relationship has come to an end, so to speak. So, instead of clinging (or not clinging and than being accused of clinging) just tell her you love her, but its not working out. No one wants to be in a relationship where they are fighting all the time, wherein all their efforts seem in vain.

[Myth_]

Lol sorry madam butterfly you are wrong nice try though I'm from australia legal age to go clubbing and drinking is 18 lool so no perks gained - we are both at uni - just I'm about to graduate and finish she has another year to go - she also has very strict family so she hasn't gained any more or less freedom - but I do agree it is possible she is changing as a person and is possibly lashing out at me but for different reasons. We both love each other very much and both aware of our situation at hand because we communicate very well with each other except I'm on the receiving end of her feelings.

And due to a lot of these mixed emotions our itimacy is dying as well now. So the end may be soon however I hope not cause I love her

[Jiser]

That's the problem whilst we are young. Most of us are trying to find ourselves, we have the new worries of finance, career, university etc etc. With added friction from a relationship. Some people do not want the added 'restriction' (using that term lightly) of a relationship.

They want to experience life a bit more, perhaps go clubbing and drinking, seeing other guys until they realize, wow this ain't actually that great, what was I thinking? - we hope

If you want to stay with her, try setting yourself a new direction in your life which doesn't include her, make that your no.1 goal along side yourself. Be less available and be happy and positive. Don't detach yourself completely from her, but make it over 50% ;]

If it is getting bad, you both need to sit down and have a serious talk, as others have said, its horrible to be in a limbo so sort it out before it gets to the stage of no return.

[Myth_]

Thanks guys for the responses trying to do the best I can =] hopefully everything will either clear up and or stop dragging on one or the other.

I assume we are going to be OK - ill just give her space and let the stressful times pass - and ill try something new and different and take her somewhere cool.

Thanks for all the pointers.

Just hope she has a brain and not listen to the gay of a friend she has lool -

[mckenzie134]

I know what you need to do you need to get busy and give her less time as hard s this may seem youned to allocate two days a week to her and get buy on the other five friends gym movies whatever you like justdontsee her make lots pof plans visit family go swimming do anything just not her have two days for her maybe thurs sund then frid wed swap it around and always have fun when you see her and don't talk about anything negative always positive think before you see her know whatyou sre going to say be happy and alive let her see that you're the fun guy who knows how to have a good tme weather she is thee or not...

[diya]

Trying stepping back a little... nothing is more frustrating in a relationship than living in illusion or confusion. Give each other sometime... somethings u just have to leave as it is when you do not know what's happening... Time is the biggest factor... Wait and let it tell you... I am not saying don't talk to her... but at the same time, let her know that both of u can't take each other for granted... that's important and for that, stop too much efforts or expectations will arise. Give it time and let the girl too decide what she wants. Step back.

[LBP]

Have you mentioned to her how you think her actions don't make any sense? Honestly, it sounds like she's trying to paint as a bad guy so she won't feel bad when she makes off with another fella... I hope this isn't the case but I have seen it many, MANY times!