[tallguy04]

I am 25 and have been dating this girl off and on for about a year now. When things are good things are really good between us. But we have some issues, she really needs attention and I live out of town and travel for work so that puts stress on the relationship. She doesnot like my best friend and anytime I do anything with him she feels as though I am choosing him over her and is always hurt. When I say she doesn't like him I mean she hates him and refuses to get to know him like I know him. She recently told me that it is her or him and she will not be with me if I am still friends with him. This is hard for me because I don't understand why she can't try to make an attempt to get to know my friend better so that I don't have to make a choice like this. He has been my friend for 7 years and I don't want to cut him out and then things don't work between me and my girlfriend and then I lost 2 people in my life. I don't know what to do. I feel that I would never ask someone to do this in a similar situation. A girl I dated a few years ago had a friend that I hated but I toughed it out so that I wouldn't have to put her in that kind of position and I learned to tolerate it. I guess I don't understand why she won't bend at all and refuses to see my friend in any other light than a bad one. How do I choose or how do I make this better?

A Texas guy needing help.

[Synnen]

Okay... your girl sounds scary.

Tell her that ultimatims usually only work against those who make them... and let her know that there is no way that you're going to choose her over your friend.

Unless your friend is having a bad influence on you (drugs, skipping out on work/school, lying, cheating, etc) then there is no reason that she can't just tolerate your friend.

I'm guessing that you are both in your early 20s, or that she is.

You need to let her know that you will NOT give up your friend for her, though you are willing to compromise and not make HER spend time with him. Any person that can not let their significant other have friends away from them is way too insecure to be in a long term relationship, in my opinion.

[aprilj]

Hmmm. This sucks. There has to be a reason why she doesn't like him, pure jealousy could be it. Women like to play mind games. DO NOT give into her with this. Take it from another women. If you end your relationship with this friend, then you will be compromising so much more if the 2 of you stay together. Put you foot down now before Miss Princess thinks she can tell you what to eat, what to wear and how to act. No one should be able to pick your friends, and let her know that. Be blunt and straight to the point. She will come around, if she doesn't then you don't want to be with someone like that anyway. Never choose a women over your friends. Obviously you like him and she likes you, so there has to be something good in both of them.Good luck

[shygrneyzs]

Do not give into the ultimatim. If you give into this one, there will come another one, and later another one. Stand up for yourself and your friendship. When push comes to shove with her, tell her she can leave - open the door for her and escort her out. I am serious about this. If you would ever decide to forego your friendship, make it your decision for your own reasons - not someone else's reasons.

She is jealous over your friend. What will be the next thing she will be jealous over? NO woman is worth dumping your best friend for. Honestly.

[talaniman]

Ultimatums are about control and nothing else. This is not love. Its not healthy to give them or give in to them. Period.

[mrsmoz]

If she cares for u she shouldn't make u choose in the 1st place! I would never pick a guy over my friends!! Stick with your friend!! She'l come crawlin back when she realises how stupid she was for making u choose!!
X

[missgallucci]

If she cared about you she wouldn't give you an ultimatum tell her that a couple in only 2 NOT 3 and he shouldn't be part of problems in your relatiionship.

[Tuscany]

Girlfriends come and go... friends are forever.

If she loved you she would accept your friends too.