[Another_Planet]

I have absolutely no one to talk to about this and would appreciate any help I can get. This may get lengthy, so I apologize for that in advance.

I have had a good friend for over a year now. We have shared everything together; I'm the one who he calls when he's had a bad day, he's the one I turn to for advice. We go dancing together, we have coffee together at least once a week. There's absolutely nothing we can't or haven't talked about. I even have a housekey in case I need a place to crash, which I often have in the past. He's basically as close as you can get to a best friend. I care for him a lot, it's always been mutual like that. When we first met each other, we did not date because I was in a relationship at the time, and after that, he was in an emotionally abusive relationship for several months.

Two fridays ago, after we went dancing and I was crashing over at his place, he starts kissing me for the first time. One thing leads to another, and the next thing I know, we have sex. I've liked him for so long, that I've always wanted it to happen. We didn't talk about anything that morning, just pretended that it didn't happen, shared some more kisses, went and grabbed coffee. Very casual.

I don't know why I assumed that he would now want to date me, but when he called me to make plans for next Friday, I assumed it would be a date. He said he'd be cooking for me and all that. And that's exactly what happened. I went over, we had food, we went dancing and I stayed over, slept in his bed again.

Then, he says this "This question is probably unnecessary and I don't want to make things awkward, but you're okay with this right? You're okay with being close friends and just sometimes having sex together right?" The question caught me off guard, I said of course, and I realized how naïve I had been. That same night, he spends half an hour on the phone with his ex girlfriend, who calls and needs a place to crash, but he thankfully didn't let her in. He then tells me about how in love with her he was, even when she treated him like . I know he was close to tears after that conversation because she was very harsh on him after he had to explain to her that he had another girl over, so I didn't get mad about it and just cuddled up to him and talked to him until he felt better.

I knew that he'd been sleeping with other girls during that time. With none of them is he exclusive, and they know this too, and no one had a problem with it. I didn't realize I'd just become another one of those girls... after all, we were more than strangers at a bar. He's had serious relationships before, one of them lasted 6 years and he was engaged to her. And in these, he has never cheated.

Clearly, I cannot continue being just his friend. Whenever he starts dating seriously again, I'm going to be left on the sidelines. I cannot date him either. He will share every thought with me, he'll share a bed with me, but he doesn't want to be with me.

I realize how stupidly and madly I am in love with him. He's just my type, he's such a good hearted person, and maybe the fact that I slept with him so soon made him think of me as no more than a lover. I don't know what, but I cannot continue what I did with him. And even he has often said that he thinks there's not a man in this world that's good enough for me

I want to tell him exactly this. "I don't think we should hook up anymore, because I am starting to have feelings for you that are more than the way you feel about a friend you care about, or a person you hook up with. I like to be in control of my emotions at all times, and since i don't want anything serious either, all of this makes me feel like . I don't know if we can go back to being just friends, but I think it is fair of me to tell you how I feel." (something along those lines)

I think it's worth mentioning that he's already finished his schooling, has his masters degree and I am just doing my undergraduate degree and thus he is a bit older than me

I need help. It's naïve of me to wish to have him want to date me, I don't think it will happen. It's never hurt so much before. I might not have the guts to tell him all this in person, would it also be acceptable to tell him this via messenger?

What can I do?

[Fr_Chuck]

Crossed the line, sounds like he just wants sex with a friend, and you want a boyfriend,

Have you actually told him how YOU feel ? You need to tell him, give him a chance to decide to be a boyfriend, if not, give the key back and be another victim or sex ruining a great friendship.

[Another_Planet]

I haven't, because I don't know how to say it.

[maddy6]

Wow, I am so sorry. The whole situation must really hurt. He wanted sex, you thought because the friendship was so solid that he had feelings when he made his move on you. So the bottom line is you were used for sex. You need to tell him what you have told us about not being able to continue in the friendship relationship because of your feelings. If you can't face him in person, I see nothing wrong with telling him via messenger. You were really hurt because a good friend used you for sex, take care of yourself and move on after these unfortunate circumstances.

[Another_Planet]

Thank you for the responses. I talked to him about it today, and he said he agrees with me 100% that we should stop hooking up, and go back to being just friends. I'm very glad I worked up the guts to talk to him about it.

[jay-stud]

Ah that must really hurt >.< I would explain to him how you trully felt for the fact that if you domt you might end up getting more hurt.if telling him via messenger is the only possible way then go for it but make sure he knows where you stand your ground.