[Flyingsparks]

I am married for 3 yrs now and living in usa with husband.I am from a different country.right now my inlaws are staying with us.they came for a 3 month visit.they are nice but mother in law is very intruding,demanding,commanding.husband is nice guy but mamma's boy also.all our financial matters are controlled by parents in law.I din't like it but I left it.she even tries to control my dressing,the way I cook,manage house... every minute thing.for everything I just have to nod and nod my head.this way everybody is happy.if I resist her continuous nagging and sulking begins and goes on forever.she annoys me very often by criticizing my methods.. her trigger to my fuse is she immediately blames my parents.. they din't teach you this that.. that annoy's me even more.last month over small issues I was angry with dh but I din't say anything.I was sulking in my own way on to just get his attention but not to fight.mother in law noticed and asked.. more than asking she started shouting that why was like that.. I din't reply.she insisted and insisted.when I told why I was angry she raised her voice and started shouting unnecessarily.I was going through my phase.. pms,high thyroid and blood sugar levels.I waited for few minutes and I too retorted back.in that anger I said many things which are truth but I am not supposed to say directly on face.later father in law joined her.both were shouting and to avoid their abusing I went into my room.they followed there.dh was looking shocked.I was totally out of control.I tried to listen to loud music to avoid their words.but she pulled it away.I got so pissed off I took my bag containing books and straight away walked away out of the house to find some peace.they tried stopping me but I was in rage and wanted to avoid some more conflict.I din't come home the whole night.there is a church opposite to our apt.I went there crying.I spent there the whole night.I absolutely din't feel like coming home.for this my husband and inlaws called my parents in my motherland and complained and shouted on them.they abused my parents and insisted that they should start immediately to come to usa.I came to know about this later when I returned home the next day.by the time I came here my sister and her husband were here.they live in a different city.they were worried so they came.I am such a stupid girl.after returning home I should have kept quite.. when I spoke to my mom on phone and heard that they shouted on them also I again got annoyed and shouted.I just couldn't tolerate.husband is nice and soft spoken but mother in law is crazy.her words are sooo brash,rude,harsh that you get irritated Undoubtedly.it annoys you even more when one is already very angry.I couldn't control my anger and loudly complained to my mom about them.I have some past issues also with mother in law which I tried to talk to dh but he din't acknowledge.those things were deeply rooted in my mind.in all that rage I blurted out everything.I accept I was in a mad stage then.this annoyed dh even more.noe they all are very angry with me.parents in law are forcing me to leave my husband.they are brainwashing husband's brain.husband is also very angry.my sister and her husband stayed for 3 days and tried to convince them.I apologised and fell on their feet.parents in law abused me and my parents more and more.since then things are pretty bad at household.mother inlaw increased her taunting and blaming both me and my parents.and I am guilt stricken& keeping my mouth shut.nobody is talking to me.just dry needful talk.that's it.I don't know what to do.they are forcing me to go back to my motherland and divorce my husband.I was thinking about that in rage but my convinced me that I should stay and fight for my rights.also she asked me if I come back now will I be able to forget my husband and live happily.seriously I don't have the answer but I am also scared to continue this relationship.I am a doctor.I have to struggle a lot to get into residency.I am trying.. but with all these and other family issues issues in my mind I am not able to concentrate And went into depression.I was taking antidepressants for a yr but now I stopped because I got fed up with them.
I am not able to understand what to do.all day we live in the same house.I try to study.when ever I come out of the room and do some work in the kitchen.. mother in law finds some reason to point out.. some silly stupid reason.I am just bearing all of it.please suggest me something

[rbdrbd]

I seriously think you should leave! How dare your huaband not stick up for you,that is your home,you should have kicked them out,why did you leave? Once that happened to me,where me and my mother-in-law fought and I kicked her out! My husband went outside with her and asked her please leave.. he was upset with me,but didn't pick sides... till this day I still don't speak with her,but she loves my children... so they go visit her,she never comes to my home.

[Jake2008]

Are you saying they came for a three month visit, and never left?

Why did you agree to them controlling your finances. You may not have been able to stop your husband, but you couldn't say no to them to your finances?

I don't think that your husband is likely to change. He has probably had this sort of relationship with his parents all of his life. Maybe you are taking the heat off what he would otherwise have been getting from them himself.

It is time, and long overdue, that you set some expectations of your husband. You cannot change his parents. Nor was it likely that you would have understood what you were getting in for, having come from another country.

Try to understand that your problem is not with his parents. The problem is with your husband. If he cannot stand on his own two feet and set some limits with them, then he may as well be encouraging them to mistreat you.

That being said, and it isn't likely that he's going to change, and choose you, over his parents, particularly his mother, then you either leave, or be prepared to accept what you have now, as what will likely be for a long future ahead.

[Homegirl 50]

The problem is not your mother in law, (although she is out of bounds) it's your husband. He is the one who has allowed her to disrespect you in your home. He is the one who should put her in her place.
Me, I would tell him he needs to either do something about his mother (send her back home) or I am leaving.