[raiinndance]

I'm a 17 year old girl and I could really use some help...

I do not know what to do anymore. I'm always getting yelled at by both of my parents for being "worthless" and "selfish". This is constantly... like every day.

For example, my mom went out of town last week to visit her parents. It was up to me and my two younger siblings to take care of the house. I did everything I could as well as my homework and play practice. I did everyone's laundry, cleaned up dog poop, steam cleaned the carpet, and did the dishes, while my brother and sister got away with barely doing anything. I even came home from school early on Friday to take some bedding to the laundromat.

Well, my mother gets home. I wasn't really expecting a thank you, but I knew I'd done good. But not only do I not get a simple "thanks", I get yelled at for not doing ANYTHING all week!

But this isn't a one-time occurrence, this happens ALL the time. The things I do NEVER get noticed and when they do, it's never enough! I've never been thanked, only yelled at for "only thinking of myself". I'm so confused... I've started to believe that I really am selfish and worthless.

I don't understand... in August I fell into depression over it and I see a counselor once a week. My counselor wants to have a family session with my parents and I so that basically she can tell them what I can't. But, my parents first threatened to take away my counselor because they think she's more of a friend to me than helping me out... and now they don't want to do the family session because they think I'm just going to complain about how bad my own life is. They said that they sent me to counseling so that she'd "fix me" and make me do more for them.

Nothing is ever good enough... ever. I can't do anything right... I do something for them, they either don't notice or claim it's not enough. Or, I stay out of their way and I get yelled at for being selfish. Please, what can I do?

[dulla_girl]

Well I am not sure if I can help much but I have gone through what you are my whole life and I still do but now only from my mother I am 21 by the way and its still going on its even projected onto others thinking the same I would have to say the best thing to do is keep pushing this family session and try to explain to them this is not just about how bad your life is, they need to know they are hurting you through this all and that's abuse.
Is there someone else that sees what is happening in your home that maybe could help your case in explaining it to your parents??

[dulla_girl]

Oh and to your question on are you worthless and selfish that's a big no you should never think of yourself like and never let someone tell you are

[AKaeTrue]

I like to call your situation The Clean and Dirty House Effect. Cleaning is a never endless, thankless job. No one notices a clean house, but everyone notices and comments on a dirty one.
A lot of time when parents are quick to criticize their children and often forget to praise them is a result of how they were raised - either spoiled and not taught respect for others or having it rough and criticized themselves.
People like this are not likely to change because their set in their ways, think the world owes them something, or it's all they know...
Having family counseling would be great if your parents (or mom) could see that the problem isn't all you. Unfortunately, this isn't always the case and family counseling would only make things worse for you.
All you can really do, without your parents (mothers) cooperation, is to find solace and happiness in knowing that you have done good and will be the one to break the cycle when it comes time for you to be a parent. You can continue your counseling so that it's easier for you to live in the situation that your in while you need to, except your mother as she is, and continue on with pride...

[Bluerose]

raiinndance,

I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time. I could be wrong but I don't think it's about you. It sounds to me like your parents are unhappy and you might be getting the brunt of it. If this is the case, it's not your fault. The problem is not yours it is your parents.

I got rather ratty with my kids before I realised it wasn't something they were doing it was something I was NOT doing - taking responsibility for my own life and happiness. It was everyone's fault but mine.

I really don't know how to advise you except to tell you to be strong and remember the problem is theirs not yours.

[chuff]

Sounds like we have the same parents. I'm 30 now though so it doesn't matter to me like it did when I was 17. But I was in the position your in, nothing was never good enough and everything was my fault. Yet my sister could get away with just about anything and nothing was ever said to her. I know this sucks to hear now and it might not seem like it matters at this moment but time will be your best friend if you can remember that your parents have problems and they never learned how to deal with. If you can keep positive about that you will get better as they get worse which is always good for a laugh when you get older.

My sister is now the unwed mother of two children with two different guys and living on welfare. She has no money and my parents take care of the kids. That's what happens when you spoil a kid and never hold them accountable for anything, where as I put myself through college, earned two degrees and now the asst. manager of two hotels and three restaurants. Time is your friend and I can say is trust me on that. Good things will happen if you can just keep staying positive and realize your parents aren't what they claim or they'd tell you a little bit more how much you contribute around the house.

I heard this about a month ago and I think it applies pretty well to your situaton. One day a man heard that a Budda in the village could meditate for hours and not be influenced or interupted by anyone. So the man went to the village to try. For hours he hurled insults and torment the Budda. Budda did not respond for several hours then finally looked up at this man who finally thought he had stopped the Budda. Budda just looked at this man filled with hate asked the man a question “If someone offers you a gift and you decline to accept it, to whom then does it belong?” The man responded “Well it would still belong to the one who offered it” Budda replied “Therefore if I refuse to accept your insults then does it not still belong to you? The man walked away in disgust knowing that no matter how hard he tried he could not break down the Budda.

If your parents are negative then you can choose to accept there negativity or refuse it. There negativity belongs to them and you do not have to accept it as your reality.

[Aunt_trisha]

Hi my name is trisha and I know exactly what your going through. I know how it feels when you feel like you've done everything you can and no matter what its still not good enough. I don't get it either. Here's a little about me so we can help each other.



I have a big family. My parents are still together and they raised 5 children including me. I am the middle child. I have an older sister, older brother, younger sister, younger brother. Were all teenagers and my older siblings have children and there 21 and 19. Im 18 and I feel like I worthless. I can't find a job that I enjoy doing. I want to go to beauty school but stupid me went through a rebel stage in High school and dropped out. So I'm in the middle of taking my GED. I don't want this to be long but I have to explain something's before I go on so you can understand why I feel like this.

I am a wrestler. Been wrestling for 13 years. Yes I'm a girl, and I loved wrestling. Traveled the world, a lot of scolarships. So was my older sister, she missed the olympics because she got pregnant. My dad was my wrestling coach and when he found out about her he quit as well and I was stuck all by myself. I hated my dad for that. So I quit. Now 2 years later every time we get into a fight he brings up how I failed in life, and I understand I have been failing but he rubs it in my face like its nothing.

My boyfriend tried to get me back into wrestling but I don't have the heart for it anymore. I would love to coach but not wrestle anymore. And everyone gets really mad because I don't want to anymore.

I lived in an apartment with my boyfriend and we had roomates. They left us high and dry and left us. We weren't left with anything else so we had to move back into my parents house. Ever since we have I have not been happy. My dad tells me he thinks I'm on drugs and that I need help because I'm 18 and has failed everything. He tells me I'm worthless and a waste of space.. how am I suppose to take that? I feel like the lowest person ever.The only time I like my dad is when he's drinking. He's funny than. But I feel like he wants to argue with me, I won't say anything and he will get into it with me for no reason.

So am I being ungrateful?
I don't know what to do anymore. I really want to get a job that I like. What do I do so he doesn't tell me that he's disgusted in me anymore...

******i posted that a little while ago.. so if you want to talk let me know.
[email protected]

[truthxbextold]

My dad was an alcoholic and when I was 18 and just graduated from high school with a job and everything he tol me to get the hell out or he was going to cut my heart out, I was so scared I throwed all my stuff in my car and left.I really think he was mentally ill,that rotten no good so and so.

[truthxbextold]

Now I live with a selfish husband and controlling mother in law,I jumped from the fire to the frying pan ,so to speak!