[iggylover]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years and we have a beautiful son. But recently he has been coming home from work (he gets out at 10 pm) and then he tells me he is going to hang out with his friend who is female (whom I never met) right after he gets off.

It upsets me because he works so much I think that he would want to just be with his family and relax but he doesn’t. I have discussed this with him plenty of times and I tell him that we just miss him and would want to be with him more but his reply is always "we live together were always with each other". But we’re really not. Someone is always with us on his days off or even when he gets off, his brother, dad, or cousin. It’s never us three or at least us two! I just need some advice as to how to deal with this? Please any advice will help. Thank you

[Jimmy78]

The only thing I can say is if he doesn't have time for you then don't have time for him. You are not his doormat and you deserve to be treated better then this. Do your thing that is all I can tell you and make a life for yourself. And if you are always available for him all the time stop, do things for him when you feel like doing them or tell him to ask his friends to help him.

[talaniman]

He sounds like a young guy who loves getting off in time to enjoy the party, because he doesn't have to get up early the next day. I don't know how old your son is, but it would be helpful for now to be having your own friends, and family, and activities while he is sleep, or at work, and leave his dinner in the oven/microwave at night, and get your sleep.

Wind down time after work is important, and evening shift puts him at odds with the routine of bed times, that no longer apply to him. Its just the nature of the beast. And yes I remember them well, from myself and all the males in my family who worked shift work.

Does he work regular evenings, or around the clock? As to this female friend, two things, 1) why don't you know her? And 2) ask him if its okay for you to hang with guy friends!!

There are adjustments to be made around a work schedule, AND what seems like the closeness of his family. I think you can talk to him so he can make some adjustments to his busy life for exclusive family time. Just takes a while to sink in how important it is. Communications is what you need, and some firmness in your conviction.

Back in my day, females had many ways to convey there unhappiness at being taken for granted, or neglected. Burnt toast and a blanket and pillow on the couch, always meant some body is NOT happy. Sometimes we guys are so busy enjoying our youth, it takes some creative thinking to get our full attention.