[orangie]

My boyfriend of nearly 2 years hasn't had sex with me for over 6 months. He says its because my 17 yr old son never gives us any privacy as he's always home and my boyfriend finds it offputting. However, we've had a couple of chances when he has been out for the night and he still hasn't made any moves, in fact we argued! something we never did until recently because I'm feeling so hurt that he makes no effort to have sex with me.
To make things worse, he has a very high labido and I know he looks at porn every day, several times a day! Yet there is no intimacy between us!

I find all this so upsetting and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to be my normal self with him. There's nothing I can do or say to him to make him want to make love to me. There's no medical reason either as I know his equipment works as good as a teenage boy's! He's 46 and I'm 44. To make matters worse, he's been living with his mum for the past 3 years to save money and this means we only have my house to possibly be intimate in, and I doubt he will move out any time soon.
We do love each other very much and I always feel so buoyant around him, and I know he likes my company too. But I'm wondering whether we should end our relationship as he just accepts there's no sex within our relationship.

He's very open minded and would like to watch me with another man which would turn him on, I told him several months ago I would consider it but only if our relationship was sorted out first. I would rather be in a monogomous relationship than include others but I would do it for him. Also the other day we were talking and he gave me permission to sleep with other men just as long as I practice safe sex. It's tempting but I really don't want to. He assures me that he has no wish to go with another woman as he had many many women when he was younger and says if he wants sex he can always come to me!

He also won't live with me because my house is 'too small' and couldn't live with my son, only me!

I'm going to be very upset and find life very hard without him but I'm wondering if I should end things? I spent 4 years of upset getting over my exhusband and being alone, I don't really want to be in that place again.. some advice would be helpful, thank you !

[Fr_Chuck]

It wants things only his way, so a teen son is home, sorry parents have sex in the other room all the time. Beyond that, you go out to a motel for the evening every now and then.

Sounds like he is living more like a 17 year old and does not want to comment or change.
I would say stop wasting you time on him, Or tell him to plan a romantic get away or not call you again,

[orangie]

Just to add a bit more... My boyfriend views sex as an act, not a way of showing love, he believes there are more ways to show love than by having sex. I agree to an extent. But I'm feeling very unnattractive right now and finding it hard to be the person who he loves because I'm feeling very upset by all this. He stands by his guns though and doesn't really comfort me.
Again, thanks for any responses.

[Cat1864]

I think you need to sit down with him and have a discussion about where fantasy begins and ends. I don't think you are going to get sex out of any time soon. It sounds like he is wrapped up in a fantasy world of you being with other men instead of having sex with him. I don't think he wants to be intimate with you as much as he wants to watch or imagine.

If you did go out with someone else, I bet you would have attention as he dug deep for every detail of your encounter. He might even get extremely aroused by picturing it in his mind. However, I doubt you would be the part that is causing the reaction. He may be a voyeur. He may have fantasies about being a 'cuckold' (there are sites that cater to the fantasy of a partner 'cheating' and flaunting it.) He may have other reasons all of his very own. This is something you need to think about and be aware of before discussing sex with and the relationship with him again. If you did have sex with one man in front of him, how long before he not only wanted a repeat performance but more participants? How far does his 'fantasy' go?

I think he may have issues you aren't aware of or didn't realize at the time. It can be very easy to trigger a fantasy/fetish without even realizing it.

If you are okay with his fantasy, make one up for him and share it with him. It doesn't mean you have to act on it, but words alone can be very powerful. If you aren't okay with it, then you might reconsider the relationship. Walking away now will probably be easier than sometime in the future after you are even more frustrated, hurting and angry.

[Homegirl 50]

Despite what may be wrong of different about him, if you are unhappy, leave. If he wanted to have sex with you he could take you to a motel.
I don't see that you would be happy with his arrangement and I don't think you would feel good about yourself. I think you should leave him with your dignity in check

[lewie]

Dump him. There's more going on with him that he's not telling you.