[Katyfb]

Hey guys, I'm 13. And I really want to get adopted. I just don't know how and I feel really bad about my family. They're over protective and they don't let me go out. They hate it when I accidentally ask the same questions over and over again. Ugh. They think that I should be a straight A person when I'm not. They won't give me my own phone and they are scared that I might kill myself. I've already tried cutting my wrists and it didn't work. Then I tried suffocation and now I just want to be adopted. Help me

[JudyKayTee]

The legal answer is - Your parents would have to surrender their rights to you. You would probably be placed in foster care for a period.

Then the State would have to find people who are prepared to adopt someone 13 who doesn't get straight A's, wants a phone, has cut his/her wrists and attempted suicide by suffocation.

There would be a home study done by professionals. If the people who want to adopt you are suitable, then the papers would be filed, a Judge would (hopefully) approve the adoption and you would no longer be tied to your birth family.

Another way is to report your parents' cruel or dangerous behavior toward you to the local authorities. They could take you out of the family home and place you in foster care.

Have you and your present family tried counselling?

[Fr_Chuck]

Sounds like you need professional mental health counseling. I hope your parents get it for you.

And sorry 13, most do not have cell phones, do you have a job to pay for it ? And go out ? Do you mean on dates, of course they don't let you.

You don't think a family that would adopt you would do and allow these things do you

[Wondergirl]

You don't think a family that would adopt you would do and allow these things do you

If I fostered her, she would do what my kids did (and the autistic one who still lives here still does)--wash the kitchen and bathroom floors by hand with a bucket and rags, wash and dry dishes (no dishwasher here), learn to bake cookies and brownies, be able to make a complete meal for the family, shovel snow or cut grass depending on the season, empty and clean cat litter boxes nightly, and do other stuff as needed. That's after the homework is finished. No cell phone until at least 16, and only peer-group outings after we approve the friends and the places where they will be going.

She could end up in a lot "worse" situation with a foster home or adoptive parents.

[Alty]

My 13 year old only has a phone because I went back to work and needed to be able to contact him after school. It's pay as you go, and he's only allowed to use it to call me. Even that is a huge step for me, because I don't agree with children having cell phones until they can afford to pay from them themselves.

As for going out. My 13 year old is not allowed to go out unless an adult is along. He can go to a friends house or have friends over here, as long as there is an adult present in the home, and I'm not talking about someone's 18 year old brother. I mean a parent.

If he doesn't do well in school, and I don't mean straight A's, I don't expect that, but I do expect him to do his school work and work hard, then privileges are taken away . School is his job, and he better do his best while he's there. That means not slacking off.

You expect to be able to go out with friends, have a cell phone (I'm assuming mom and dad would have to pay the bill since I doubt that at 13 you have a job), but you don't do well at school, most likely because you don't apply yourself.

Your parents aren't the problem, you are, and you need to start accepting responsibility for your own actions. Your grades are in your control. You may never be brilliant, but you can at least do your best. If the work is too difficult for you then tell your parents, get help either at school or after school. But do your best.

If your grades go up then maybe they'll be more willing to give you some, probably not all, of the things you'd like to have, but as is, you haven't earned it, and it's not a God given right to have the things you want.

Parents are expected to provide shelter, food, clothing and an education. Everything else is extra, not a necessity.

[JudyKayTee]

As I may have mentioned, however subtle I was, I don't believe a lot of people are going to line up to adopt the OP.

However - she does have the option of living in foster care. Perhaps that would be an eye opener.