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KillaTam1 · Mar 15, 2012, 12:49 PM

How do I get over my ex girlfriend. She was my first love, my first lesbian relationship. It was like love at first site. She left me because she was battling spiritually, so she forced herself to leave me. She got involved in church, and blocked me out completely.

I thought she was going to come back once she found herself, but instead she got married to a man after only knowing him for a year. We were together and off and on, while she went through her battle for 9 years.

I purposely don't go where she is at, haven't talked to her or seen her in 2 years, but it still hurt as if it was yesterday. I thought she was my soul mate. I never saw my life without her. I haven't been able to have a healthy relationship since I'm comparing everyone to her.

What should I do? How could she just walk out of my life like this? I was good to this woman. I gave her all of me, and she left me with no closure.

justhelping · Mar 15, 2012, 01:14 PM

Wow I know you're going through a lot.. Its hard to let go sometimes especially when the person did it unexpectedly.. But first thing first if you want closure you have to speak to her and see what's going on that way you can feel better at least.. But if she refuses to communicate with you just be the stronger person and leave it alone.. Its so much people in the world that would love to encounter someone like you that can bring so much love.. Also if you have your ex as a friend on Facebook,twitter etc you just have to delete all those and move on.. If you have a hobby take part in that or create one.. I hope I was helpful.. have a great day..

KillaTam1 · Mar 15, 2012, 03:19 PM

I tried all that and Ive left it alone for 2 yrs her birthday recently past and I had a horrible day I couldn't bring myself to calling her or texting to say Happy Birthday I try to stay busy workout and everything else but I can't seem to get her out of my mind I just got out of a yr relationship with a female and the whole time I thought about my ex and how she wasn't my ex and I was even more unhappy because I would lay there with her in my arms with my eyes clse imagining it was my ex I know sounds sick right so I ended the relationship because I knew it wasn't a future with her she was for the right now I guess I was hoping I would be able to move on being with someone else its going to be hard to find another woman like her besides leaving me she was a good woman the whole package deall :(

mmresd · Mar 15, 2012, 05:59 PM

You get closure whenever you get over a relationship. You need to keep yourself busy, the feelings will die down one day, go meet other people. If you can't get over it this long, you may be obessesed, seek professional help.

Alty · Mar 15, 2012, 07:01 PM

I think the main issue is that you're still hoping that she'll come back, that she'll realize that you're the one, leave her husband,and be with you.

Until you accept that it's over, that she's moved on, you won't move on. You have to accept it, that's the only way to get over this.

talaniman · Mar 16, 2012, 12:58 AM

Stop trying to replace her while you build a healthy life for yourself. That's the only way you give up this sick obsession that after 2 years she was coming back.

Accepting she isn't coming back, IS closure. Time to heal, and let the past go, and that will give you closure.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 16, 2012, 05:39 AM

First no you do not contact her, she has moved on and is now married. Next you said married "just after a year" a year is a long time and nothing wrong at all with getting married after a year together.

I will agree you have some hope or dream that she will come back, you need to accept that she is happy, she was "fighting" it for all those years and has made her choice. You should find a way to be happy that she has found who she wants to be.

Since after all this time you are still not over her, perhaps professional counseling would be the best.

KillaTam1 · Mar 16, 2012, 06:46 AM

Thanks everyone for the advice Im glad I found this site I have sought counseling talking to someone professionally but wanted to hear a variety of different feedback and they say when everyone is saying the same thing they are usually right. Its definitely time to move on and except the fact that its over I know part of the problem was all my passwords and different security stuff was her name and dob but I changed it all so that has helped a lot that was causing me to think about her everyday lol

MediaPlayGirl04 · Jun 1, 2012, 05:26 AM

Hey KillaTam1,

I don't know if this will help at all but in a way I have been there. I had a relationship with a girl and I thought "this could be it." However after 6 months of dating she broke up with me. Reasons being she didn't want to be selfish and thought she can't be here for me in a way I wanted her to be. Stating, "it's not you it's me." Then right after we developed this relationship where we were together but not labeling anything. I think me and her battled how we were feeling before this time and after. Then this past February she expressed to me that a girl gave a number to her and she has now been pursuing that. There in a relationship. I have to say this has been one of the hardest experiences in my life personally. The fact that I was having a hard time these past months accepting everything. I tried being just "the friend." But I realize that can't work right now. I don't know about the future. And I won't know until I stand my ground and give myself the self-respect I deserve and cut her out of my life. Then will I know. You know?

I don't have much expereince with dating and relationships in general. This was the first serious real relationship I have encountered. My past ones; well that's another story. Lol. Anyway, don't give up. In spite of the length of how long you and her "were" together; most people can relate to this type of situation. And sometimes things are as they are. There is a meaning behind everything and reason behind them as well. I'm sure you will find someone that, in the end, will realize your worth the fight too!

-Anne

cheetohzgirl · Aug 20, 2012, 05:20 AM

Lol wow blew my mind away too. When I was 23 I met this girl at a party, she hit on me she was straight she had no clue I was bi. We ended up going back to my place and then you know lol. Well within a week or so she told me she had a boyfriend so I asked myself what the heck hell no by but that's not the way it turned out after about 8 months she disappeared out of my life for over a yr and a half. Then she came back into my life and we bothfound out we were still in love with each other. When she came back to me she married her boyfriend after she left me. At first it was very very hard for me and her husband to accept each other but we bothagreed if we made her happy and each of us was really in love with her then we can accept each other because we see the love she has for each of us. I'm 28 now so its been 4yrs off and on. But things are getting better, we all three are OK withhow we are he's with her and I'm with her me and her husband have nothing between us and me and her husband can't see other people. We all are happy and OK with it! It does exist although after reading some of these stories I've created a fear in me that one day she will feel she has to choose even though today she says she don't feel to choose that she wll be withus bothforever whichi hope happens

CCushman · Oct 1, 2012, 07:01 AM

I really hope you don't listen to the people who call grief, confusion and mourning over the loss of someone you love "sick obssession." They clearly have no idea that getting over a relationship that was steady for 2 years and off and on for 9 more (or included in) is not something people just get over. Yes, she has moved on and the important thing to realize here is that you can too. I don't necessarily think you are waiting for her, but for you. That is, for you to realize that happiness is yours for the taking and that it is very healthy to mourn this type of loss, despite what these so called experts think. Just like the death of a loved one, it is a process and can take longer in some people than others. All the suggestions regarding counseling are fine as you will need an objective voice to hear you out but in no way are you sick or obsessed. Please dismiss that because it is not medically correct and can actually cause you to believe that your feelings are not justified and can limit your growth in this grieving process. Find a counselor who understands and believes that you have the right to feel what you are feeling and then go from there. There is truth in love and much to be found about yourself in this process.

C Cushman LMHP, CASAC.