[Harpangel]

My boyfriend and I are very sexually active, but sometimes when he come home, he'll tell me I should go to bed because I have to work early in the morning... but I'm clearly not tired yet. I go to bed anyway, and I hear him unbuckle his belt and mess around on the computer. I checked his history too. When he finally comes to bed, I try and get some sex, but he tells me he's too tired... like?

And I've been going through hard times lately, so I needed that pleasure, and he knew it... but I feel like he wasn't there for me, when I needed him.

[J_9]

Have you talked to him about this? Communication is important in a relationship.

[Harpangel]

I have, I told him I don't mind him watching it when I'm not home, because I do it too, but when I'm there, I told him I feel insulted... he told me he wouldn't do it again

... but he did

[J_9]

Do you watch it together?

[Harpangel]

I asked him to but he didn't seem interested... I think he was weirded out by the idea. We were having sex the other day and he kept going soft so I asked him if he wanted to watch some... he said no. I've never problems turning a guy on before... I don't get this!

[JudyKayTee]

Is he in good health? I'd ask him again without demanding that he stop when you are there. All you are going to do is drive his behavior underground.

[talaniman]

As long as you take his porn watching personally, you will never find, and understand, let alone the root cause of his behavior.

Guys masterbate because its easy exciting, quick and feels good and they don't have to worry about YOUR feelings, pleasures or anything else outside themselves. He reacts like most guys who FEEL compelled to perform, defensive, and resentful, and shuts down to any communications. Especially when you make us lie with stupid rules to control what we like to do, or want to do.

You want to get to the bottom of his attitude, be patient and calm with the way you discuss this subject, and make it about YOUR observations or experience, NOT a bunch of questions about him not liking you.

We guys get emotionally overwhelmed and will protect ourselves when you come on to strong. I highly recommend saying nothing of sex for 30 days, and stay cool, calm, and collected, and under control, so you can pay attention, and observe what your mans behavior is telling you about OTHER areas of the relationship.

Only then will you get a clear picture, and a way forward, as sex is about the minds, not the body, and subject to change according to conditions.

How old are you both??

[Harpangel]

Im 23, he's 24. Like I said, I'm not close minded the idea of porn. I even asked him if we could make our own video. It would turn me on so much to hear him watching our porn vid than jerkin off to some gnarlyskanks. The thing that just peeved me off the most this time was that lately I've been helping him A lot financially, alongside helping my mother financially... and it's been putting a lot of burden onto my shoulders. I also came home after a 5am shift the other day to find dishes still sitting in the sink while he was playing video games. I was a little bit upset, so we talked it out, I let him know I was stressed, and that I needed him now more than ever... he knows that sex does a good job of relaxing me, yet he just sent me off to bed... it was the least he could do for me... is it too much to ask?

[Alty]

It sounds like he's stressed too. The fact that you told him that you need sex right now to relax you, that he has to perform, may be putting too much stress on him.

I'm sure he can sense that you're angry. I also don't blame you for being upset. If I came home after working all day and all he did was sit around playing games, I'd be ticked too. Frankly, after that the last thing I'd want would be sex. I'm surprised that you aren't the one that turned him down.

You really should read your post again "I need him now more than ever", "he knows that sex does a good job of relaxing me", "it was the least he could do for me". That's a lot of pressure, and a lot of expectation.

[Harpangel]

I guess you have a point Alty. It's just tough because we work opposite shifts half the week so when I'm in bed, he's just coming home, and I feel like I can't sleep properly anymore because I'm listening in to hear if he's undoing his belt buckle or turning down the volume or making sounds. I get like this ball in my throat when I hear this. The other day I passed out on the couch and he tried to wake me up to go to bed with him.. and I apparently wasn't wakeing up. The next morning he was all pissed at me... like I don't get it, its not like I was up all not masturbating to other men... why should he be pissed

[Alty]

The two of you really need to talk about what's bothering you. It sounds like you're both stressed out, both upset, and instead of talking to each other you're taking it out on each other. He's playing the "I won't give her what she wants" game, and you're expecting him make you happy and content.

Sit with him and talk about it. Don't play the blame game, don't yell, don't point fingers. Just sit him down. Tell him how you're feeling, how his actions are making you feel, ask him if he's upset about something. Talk it out and find out what's going on.

It sounds like he's being passive aggressive. It may just be his nature, but there could be something else going on.

[talaniman]

You poor kids, have gotten disconnected from each others minds, and you both have your own stresses to contend with. No wonder your bodies are not in sync. Get back to talking about each others day, and make what little time you spend during the week quality soul bonding time and not lets use sex to relieve the stress so we can sleep time.

You must establish bonds of the mind, and soul, to get the bodies back together. This is a common thing to happen actually, because life stresses have to be dealt with positively through other areas of the relationship. That quality time before you leave for work, or his unwind time after work are important to respect and understand.

I have to be honest, sex is a poor substitute for love and understanding. The real work has to be done in other areas, besides the body, because its really your minds that are disconnected. No communications, is the biggest culprit, and your greatest challenge, and what will define you both is how you overcome the challenge of dtress, and a lack of sex.

I doubt you do it without talking and listening to each other. And maybe you have yet to discover that being able to honestly communicate, is only the start of a great way to relieve that daily stress, and make love to each others minds, trust me, the bodies will always follow.

[justhelping]

I had the same problem.. The first time I witnessed my boyfriend doing that while I was fake sleeping I couldn't believe it lol.. But just make little jokes around him and tell him if you don't give me non ill buy a dildo lol that's what I did.. well that's what I told him and ever since I said that he would try to have sex all the time with me.. I still have my sex toys just in case;)Let me know how it goes...

[celticfc]

Is he stressed? Does he talk to you a lot? Does he ever ask to spend time with you? Don't force him if you try andforce him moan about it he won't want to.masturbating is quite easy for him he doesn't have to check and see if your okay or worry about you all he has to worry about is himself it is also more relaxing.also don't put pressure on him by saying you want sex now think of him too andhow he feels about it.