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MilkTea · Feb 10, 2012, 07:19 PM

During break in class, my friends started talking about their plans for Valentine's day, till that time they weren't aware of me being a virgin. So when the qestion finally popped about my plans for that day and when I replied I had never been with a guy in my life , they gave me the most troubling look I have ever seen. You know that look of pity and disbelief. It really bothered me...

Is it really that bad to be a virgin after the age of 20 ?

And then comes the question : Why?

It's really hard to explain. I've always been rather shy and I was never approached by a guy before and I never really found anyone that interested me. So, basically I never got the chance so far to experience anything. I never thought that it was weird but after seeing their reaction, I feel so depressed about it.

What do you guys think ? I'd love to hear your opinion on it.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 10, 2012, 09:08 PM

I see two issues, well maybe three

First being a virgin, not a issue at all, if some of your friends give it away too easy that is their problem.

But you seem to connect sex with being close, that is the far from the truth, most likely many of your friends had sex with people they were not close with and perhaps many partners perhaps some they hardly knew.

You can be very much in love, be very very close and not have sex and wait till marriage but at least enganged.

What I see is you not even dating, Do you date just not find the right guy?

NicoleWillow · Feb 11, 2012, 04:28 PM

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin. I too am a virgin and I'm 19. Most of my
Friends have been sexually active but I feel happy that I still have something special to hold on to.
I think that when people hear that you're a virgin in this day in age its almost like saying
I saw a unicorn, or I still believe in Santa... yes its rare but most people will lose it
Eventually so don't feel like you need to rush it :)

lian003 · Feb 12, 2012, 07:18 PM

There is nothing like love in life. Sex is even better with love.

geminichick · Feb 12, 2012, 07:32 PM

In my opinion there is nothing wrong with you being a virgin. Honestly, your friends don't need to know about whether you've been with someone or not. Believe me, when the right guy comes along, intimacy or the sexual experience will mean something and it will be special.

Do you have any issues with your self-esteem or confidence? Or maybe just really shy? Sometimes approaching someone were attracted to can be a little nerve racking. It can be for me. Sometimes making eye contact can work and smiling. Everyone is different.

ohsohappy · Feb 12, 2012, 08:17 PM

I think that your friends didn't know how to react. Like Chuck said, it's probably a normal thing to them. If they mention it again just tell them that you haven't found the right person and that you respect yourself enough not to engage in casual sex just because you can. They'll get over it.

MilkTea · Feb 13, 2012, 06:32 PM

Aww thanks guy, was very helpful to hear your thoughts ^__^... especially near valentine's day *shudders*
To answer some of the questions, no I've never been on date mainly because I was never asked or attracted anyone to even bother asking me lol. I am rather shy and I would never have the guts to even ask a guy out if I'm interested in him... maybe I'm not pretty... actually no I'm not , but even ugly people need love right ? Lol and I'm too shy so guys think I'm distant and cold all the time... but to be honest, that's also another problem. I haven't met anyone interesting o.o;... I guess I don't go out much, so that doesn't help and the classes I have in College are mostly filled with girls... not many guys... but yay, I don't know... maybe there's something wrong with me haha.
Ah well, guess all I can do is deal with it as I go, though I have this aching feeling my name will be in the guinness world book records for the oldest virgin lmao.

Thanks for replying

ohsohappy · Feb 13, 2012, 06:39 PM

First off, I seriously doubt you're ugly. Like you said, You're shy. If it's really obvious, people are less likely to approach you because you're sort of just hanging out. How do you interact with guys you don't like? Talk to the guys you ARE interested in the same way. They're people like you and me, the worst that could happen is that they say no. But it's a learning experience, it takes practice. Try to relax. Don't think of them as potential boyfriends, but as friends. It takes the pressure off. Nobody is as hard on you as you are on yourself.

MilkTea · Feb 13, 2012, 06:59 PM

I see where you're coming from, but like I said, they aren't many guys in my entourage o.o Most of my friends are girls, heck even in my family there's many girls lol. In high school I didn't tlak to guys and they didn't talk to me... and in College, there's 3 guys in our classes lol (translation doesn't attract many :P) and I don't really approach them cause I don't care much for them really... I do have 2 brothers, though that's not the same. I really have no experience when it comes to interacting with guys besides them.
Even my outdoor activities don't really help in meeting people... I don't particularly enjoy certain scenes like going dancing in a club or drinking at the bar.
I can't change what I am but I do believe I can make efforts, but how ? Doing stuff I wouldn't normally do just to meet new people ? What's the point if my main goal isn't to find a boyfriend cause that's just more pressure onto myself. Yay, I just don't know .__.;

Runnergirl58 · Feb 16, 2012, 10:16 PM

That's a great idea. Find things you are interested in, pursue them, and then you can meet guys though them and you can all talk together. For example: let's say you love art. Find an art club on campus and join it. Then, when you meet guys in the club, you'll have something to talk about. Meeting guys isn't hard