[talaniman]

You are right, being friends would be a pointless disaster.

[miabosworth]

Yes I will treat it like a break up. I have no choice anyway it is all up to him in the end... should I ignore him if he calls me in 2 weeks.. as he thinks we are on a No contact break?

[miabosworth]

talaniman your right... even though he said he wants to see me still and do stuff as friends... if things don't work out... it will just hurt me more while he gets stronger... and moves on.
I've still got his stuff and need to give them back... what should I do? I don't want to see him again I think if we break up!

[Swiss_Ms.B]

The two week no contact deal really makes things more complicated. I can tell you are still unsure about breaking up... '... if we break up.' you wrote. No one can make the decision for you, unfortunately. And I know about only seeing the positives, but this can also be another way of denying and shutting our eyes to things that are not good for us!
If you do break up, which I still recommend, then it should be a clear cut for both of you. In your case, I think you should meet with him one more time, give him a box of the things that belong to him, put all the issues on the table and say your farewells.

[talaniman]

I have to be honest, a break, and a break up is the same thing to me, and that means move on in both cases. That way, there is no false hope of working it out. You cannot force some one to talk to you. And unless they are willing to talk, They won't.

Trying to be friends and broken up usually leads to Friends With Benefits, and if you are hurt now, wait until this arrangement happens.

Disappearing from there life is my answer to the break/break up thing.

[miabosworth]

So I made it through the day without calling him... It's valentines day Tuesday... so it's going to be absolutely horrible that I'm alone during that day.

[Swiss_Ms.B]

Mia, you will also get through Valentine's Day! Keep in mind that this holiday was originally hyped up for sales reasons... that's why it's also called a Hallmark Holiday! By the way, it is still pretty much all about selling cards, flowers, chocolates abd I am sure many more things nowadays!
It's time to love yourself for who you are - might sound pathetic in this moment - if you need to celebrate, then give yourself something that means something, even if it is just a pretty pebble you find when going for a walk, maybe as a symbol of strength. I am sure you will come up with an idea that suits you.

[miabosworth]

It's so... hard to resist calling today! :-( but I know I got to leave him! I guess the fact he... hasn't called or cared about the fact we aren't doing anything, confirms that he really doesn't care... and isn't coming back. So sad as everyone else I know is in a relationship and is talking about how happy they are... which isn't helping me be strong!

[Swiss_Ms.B]

So, let's say you call... hypothetically, of course... what exactly would you talk about? Would he possibly just say the same thing he has said before, which was that he wants to experience other women and that to him the relationship has changed because of the issues that you have dealt with? You know him well enough, that you can put yourself in his shoes - this, of course, so you don't actually call him in reality. This might give you another reason to let gooooooo...
Treat yourself to something nice today. Forget what others are doing!

[mmresd]

Change your number, erase his. Sometimes the wanting to call is so much that drastic measures need to be taken.

[miabosworth]

I deleted it days ago... but after 4 yrs I remember it off by heart. Valentines days is almost over anyway so... I've almost made it through the day. Feeling proud of myself for achieving this!

[mmresd]

Yes, you should, and use that motivation to continue doing so. We are proud of you too.

[miabosworth]

Starting to feel happier today... and I actually managed to laugh! And crack a joke!. instead of feeling crappy all the time.
I'm finding that I have more time to hang out with friends and family which I missed doing because I always enjoyed messing around and having a laugh with them. They help a lot :-)

[Swiss_Ms.B]

Glad to hear you're having a good day. *smile*

[miabosworth]

You say that a bit of self love is key to happiness. So I plan on concentrating on loving myself... without him.
Ive realised that when you are In a relationship you forget to love yourself and you lose who you are as an individual.
I think that, If you don't know how to love yourself first... then you don't know how to love someone else. Also nobody wants to love a person who doesn't love themselves. So yes... working on "me" is the best medicine to moving forward without him. Although I do wish for us to work things out... I am losing hope and I don't think it's healthy to put my life on hold.

[miabosworth]

Having a bad day... feeling, hurt and angry... how can he just not call or care after 4 .5 yrs!

[Swiss_Ms.B]

Wish I could support you more than just through this web-forum... Sorry to hear that you are feeling low today. It's normal, especially after a 4.5 year relationship. Totally understandable. You must grieve your loss to move on.
Keep in mind that he is not contacting you because of the 2 week no contact deal. It's better not to interpret what he might or might not be doing or thinking.

[miabosworth]

Thank you so... much for your support. Coping would have been a lot harder without it!
I can't help but think that, If I knew that this relationship was going to end up the way it is... I honestly would have never gotten in a relationship with him. I never thought we'd end up like this... and right now I don't think I ever want to be in another relationship again... I don't ever want to get hurt like this again! I'd rather be alone. Lol

[Swiss_Ms.B]

That's what having a broken heart feels like, it's painful!

Once you've grieved, you will look back and know you did the right thing. Don't regret your choices, because you can grow stronger from this experience, if you let yourself learn from it.
Make sure you get some of your friends to hug you and pamper you to get you through this.

Sending you a big bear hug through cyber space: HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG!

[mmresd]

Heart, as any muscle... also heals, but it takes a while. Let time pass, concentration on yourself and on your happiness is the absolutely BEST thing you can do.