[Millielena]

First off all, I apologize for possible mistakes. English is my second language but I tried my best anyway.

I'm with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we kind of live together. I mean I usually stay in his place for at least 5-6 days a week and we used to have fun together. We love watching movies, preparing dinner, cuddle to sleep etc. However things have changed a bit, he doesn't seem to care about me anymore and this makes me really anxious. He's got some temporary financial problems which could be solved so I don't think that's the matter. I mean we've been through these kind of challenges before. He's 28 and I'm 26 so we're both adults. He's a writer and known to be a stubborn loner so it relieves me to think he loves me, otherwise he wouldn't bear my company all this time.

I'm sad because when I'm with him, I can't find anything to speak about anymore. It's probably because he criticizes me so much and I accept it all for I respect him to death. I've even begun thinking I'm neither smart nor intelligent enough to be with him. I asked for a way to contact him, it could be the email, Facebook or even writing letters. I wrote a message which tells my desire to be understood but he didn't even reply. So I did this something, I created a fake account. Disguised as a female academician and we began writing each other. He was so impressed with my companion that he even told "me" about that friend of his. Then of course he started to write me how smart and attractive I was and stuff like that. He was thinking that fake person was so brilliant that he started writing a new play based on events and impressions in her letters. I knew it was going too far when I heard him telling a friend of his about that so called scholar lady. I panicked because I didn't want him to promote his play through a lie so I warned him. He got frustrated. I should have seen it coming because it irritates him when I react a female that he's into. Anyway, I left evidences around, I made the song he sent to her my ringtone etc. It was two days ago I found out that he took my smartphone, accessed the account and deleted the whole message log. It was the end of the game. I didn't do this to steal information from him, I hope you understand. I don't even care about proving how smart I am with a deceit. All I wanted was a way to be in contact with him again. It hurts when your loved one acts like you're not worth speaking to. It was also breaking my heart to see his passionate, intellectually satisfying messages anytime I logged into that fake account while there was nothing in my own page. It may sound funny but I guess I miss that "friendship" now.

He's acting weird. He just dropped by to my place to take his key. Didn't kiss me, I kissed him on cheek and he was reluctant. I asked him in for a cup of coffee. It was important because you know we're always in his house and I just wanted to host him for 15 minutes. He didn't even talk to me. I'm sad.

[isakena]

First thing is you have to ask yourself is... How do you feel when you are in this guys company. You need to answer this honestly, and did he encourage you, support you and make you feel good about yourself in his company.

Second ask yourself what you have learnt about yourself, being this other character and how can you bring more of this into your life.

Thirdly you could apologise to the guy and ask him if he is willing to meet up on neutral territory, and stay just for 1 hour, and see in that meeting how you feel about yourself in his company.

Then try taking up some new activity so you will meet new people and learn to be truly YOURSELF... find your authentic self, and be loved for who you are.

[Millielena]

Oh,
I'm so thankful for your answer.

We didn't actually talk about that incident. It was Sunday morning when he made sure it was me. We spent the weekend as usual, he was bitter yet normal. He hugged me while we were sleeping so everything went quite normal. I'm sure he knows why I had to do that very well. I was so respectful while writing, didn't ask him about his personal life so maybe that's why he can't blame me.

When I think about our relationship, I feel so sorry. He was so impressed by me when we first met. He was telling me I was inspiring him and this is important because it's his job. I'm doing my master degree on a similar field so we used to have a good intellectual basis to start with. But for months, I feel like I'm useless and I can't satisfy him. It's breaking my heart because I do love this person. Even though he did serious mistakes (including adultry) during this relationship. I absorbed all the pain and sorrow to comfort him. I'm sick and tired people asking me to leave him. I would have done it if I wanted. I love him as a person. No matter how tormented he is. Everyone can heal. And he's doing his best. It may be a great sacrifice even to bear my existence in the house while he wanted a bohemian life.

But I'm a bit disappointed. I was somehow expecting him to respect me after all this "second chance". He technically met and liked me twice. I hope he's not angry with me. I can't get over with a revenge. I need to talk to someone as he does. And I'm not comfortable with getting intimate with strangers so I became a stranger to talk to him. I know this is pathetic. However what he did afterwards was cruel. He could face me but he chose to take my phone and delete all the message log. That was important. Those messages were precious to me. I read them over and over.

So I don't think apologizing him is a good idea. He made his choice by deleting everything. I just can't figure out what to do now. He didn't even text me to say goodnight and it's weird for a couple who spend 6 nights a week together.

What do I do? Can't find a way.. It may sound naïve but I want to write him via that fake id and tell that I missed him.

[Millielena]

He's still acting weird. I called him today, he answered though he was in the middle of a meeting. So I apologized and told him to call me back later. It's been 5 hours and still no word from him. He said he permanently deleted his Facebook account, I'm not sure if he did that or just deactivated. He must be blaming me for this. Gosh I'm worrying for him. He doesn't sound frustrated he's just too sad.

I don't want to talk about that Facebook fraud but maybe I should. I don't know what to do.