[outsiderviews1]

I was with this guy for 2 years and it had always been this way. He still lives at home with his family (mom, stepfather, 3 brothers, sister-in-law, so being around the whole clan is inevitable, which is why this is an issue.

I'm a very easy-going person, and can usually spark up great, friendly conversation with almost anyone! Strangely, a lot of people that I've befriended tell me a top quality of mine is that I'm a good listener & talker. Hence, I find it so hard to bond with his family members. I would say, "hello, how's it going?", etc. Just small talk at first to engage, but all I ALWAYS got was a muffled under the breath "whats up" & that's as far as it goes.

They walk away from me right after. If I ask questions, I always get 1-worded responses. It makes me feel like they don't like me or aren't interested in knowing who I am because I've witnessed them joking and conversing with others, (even my boyfriend), so its not like they're introverts. This became an issue in our relationship because I frequently felt out of place/ not part of the family & I couldn't understand why. My boyfriend didn't even have an answer for it.

We decided to part ways for other reasons & weren't together for 6 months. We just recently reconnected & he wants to give our relationship another go. Of course, he invited me to his house & sooner or later I decided to stop by for dinner. Its been 6 months since I've seen the family & I was a little apprehensive because of the way its always been, but I sucked it up & tried to stay positive about what I was about to experience.

Well, one of his brothers actually left the house a little after I had arrived without even acknowledging my presence. When he came back, I made sure to say "Hi, how are you?" loud and clear & once again, I get the usual muffled monotone "whats up?". I'll admit, I expected a tad bit more enthusiasm, but nothing! It really makes me feel bad. I feel like something is wrong with me because I clearly don't get the same respect as other people that come around.

My experience in his home once again has led me to start experiencing some old negative feelings. I would have been pleased with a simple, "how have you been?" from them. That could open up a potential conversation, but they don't ask that & I feel they could care less & aren't too interested which is why they don't take any initiative in the first place.

It's odd because when I ask that, they just ignore my question--there's no eyecontact--nothing. It really upsets me. Any advice? I surely don't know what to do. I've stressed about these things for far too long when in this relationship..

[Cat1864]

Have you asked him what is going on with his family?

Are there cultural differences?

Have you tried not going to his house?

Ultimately, he is the one who should be dealing with his family. I would not accept any invitations to his house. If he doesn't understand how you feel, then perhaps you and he aren't meant to try dating.

[kcthatsme]

My first question is, how old is he and if he is an adult... why is he living at home? I agree with Cat1864, stop going to his parents house.

[outsiderviews1]

@ Cat: Yes, in the past when I've experienced the same thing, I ask why is family doesn't seem to be interested in knowing anything about me. He doesn't really have an answer. I've asked this questions several times throughout our relationship and he'd either say, "I don't know what their problem is" or "I dont know." That's all I've gotten out of him, so its something's that continually gets swept under the rug because its awkwars and uncomfortable.

As for cultural differences, ummm.. I can't see how so being that they're entirely hispanic, I'm half hispanic--so we do share ethnicity, although I was raised more "white" if that makes much sense.. Also, I do possess a degree and am about finding a career for myself, etc. Not that that should mean anything, because it shouldn't & I get along with all different people. I just think of all the little "what could it possibly be?" things.

And to answer your third question, yes, there was a time when I stopped going to his house & I made it known to him,which he made it known to evryone in return, that I felt unwelcomed there. This was a very long time ago and I had gone back, alothough not much seemed to change. I just figured I'd sense a little enthusiasm this time around since I haven't seen the family for 6 months and they clearly know me and have known me for a total of 8 years. For a person that you know for that long of a time, you'd think I'd get treated a little more personable than just on an acquaintance level.


@kcthatme: He is soon to be 26. He lives at home become he was content there. He's been talking about being on his own for quite sometime--ever since we started dating, but I guess he falls back into comfortable mode again. In his defense, it is hard nowadays to be on your own, I do understand that, but like anything, it CAN be done if you put your mind to a specific goal. It is attainable and he says he's moving out for good within the next few months. We line on the east coast--near NYC.

[kcthatsme]

At the age of 26, he should be on his own. It should be about you and him and if his family can't accept that, then just don't go see them. It's sad and it's bound to cause friction, but if you two are meant to be together then no one, including family are going to separate you.

[outsiderviews1]

Sorry for some grammatical errors guys!

[outsiderviews1]

You're right. I agree with you 100%. Thank you for your input.

[kcthatsme]

You are welcome. Good luck!