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sassynsouthern · Jan 17, 2012, 08:53 AM

My daughter graduated in 2010. She works part time, usually one day a week because that is all they schedule her. She doesn't have a drivers license or car. I told her when she was in high school that if she didn't follow my rules and keep her grades up she would not be able to get her drivers license. Because the way I was raised a drivers license and a car are a privilege not a right! Needless to say she didn't keep her grades up and didn't follow my rules, she barely graduated high school. Since graduating she has had three jobs, the first she was fired from, the second she quit and now she is on her third. Oh and I didn't mention she went to community college for a semester and flunked. I told her that I would help her get her license and buy a car if she held down a FULL time job for longer than six months. So far the longest she has kept a job is three months, three months seems to be her limit. She acts like I owe her a car, paid car insurance and gas money. I do take her back and forth to work but she pays me gas money for every trip. I had told her in order to get anyone to finance a car for her she would have to keep a job for at least six months otherwise no company would help her. Problem is the job she has will not give her anymore hours, even though they hired her for full time. I have told her she needs to find another job that will give her more hours because she isn't going to get a car working 8 hours a week. She seems to think I'm full of crap and isn't listening to a word I say. The only thing she is really interested in is having a boyfriend. She stays up to 6 or 7 in morning talking or texting and sleeps till 4 or so in the afternoon and I am sick of it. The only thing we do provide other than the basics is her cell phone. I don't give her money for anything. I just really don't know what to do with her because she lacks any motivation. I have talked and screamed until I'm blue in the face telling her to find a full time job or if she can't do that to go to school and earn a degree. The only responses I get are " I can't find a full time job" which is probably true considering she sleeps until 4 pm or "I don't know what I want to go to school for." At one point I told her she needed to enroll in a school about 45 minutes from home and live on campus. You know thinking it might give her a good idea of what's it is like to live on her own, maybe make her appreciate what she has here. Instead I got told "Im not going unless I have a car because I'm not going to be stuck on campus 24/7." Honestly I don't think she needs to enroll in school again until she will take it seriously. But how long do I wait for that, she will be 20 this year and I think she has wasted enough time. I know some people are going to say kick her out etc. Trust me when I say that thought has crossed my mind more than once. We moved here from another state and frankly if I kicked her out she would end up at some boys house and probably end up knocked up within six months and I sure as hell don't want that. We have no relatives to send her to or no one really to help with her. Both my parents are deceased. I also have a 10 year old son with Autism to deal with on a daily basis, so I really don't need the added stress she is adding to the mix. Any advice would be great!

kcthatsme · Feb 3, 2012, 11:02 AM

Well, you're not going to like my answer... but here goes. I am a single mom with a 21 yr old daughter who is in college, but if she pulled the crap your daughter is pulling... I would for one, most DEFINITELY take the cell phone away! For two, she is an adult and if she can't abide by your rules, she is out on her butt... period! Let her get a taste of what real life is about. Enough coddling, it's time to shape up or ship out!

jenniepepsi · Feb 3, 2012, 11:46 AM

Ok ladies

You CANNOT stop an adult from getting their license. From getting or keeping a cellphone.

Quit treating your adult daughters like children. Kick them out of your home, and let them live their lives.

But please, quit assuming that you can GROUND them from something, or prevent them from something. Because you LEGALLY cannot.

If you do not like the behavior that you have allowed for this long, then kick them out. That's the end of it.

JudyKayTee · Feb 3, 2012, 12:18 PM

You have two choices - continue the way you are, enabling her OR stop enabling her and let her figure things out.

I have no idea how you intend to keep an adult from getting a drivers license. You certainly can keep him from putting her hands on your vehicle, of course.

There is no middle road here.