[mkatem]

I have been in a relationship for just under 2 years. I really love this guy and have thoroughly enjoyed being with him... however, a problem that comes up periodically is that he seems to lack the ability to communicate about tough topics. We can chat and laugh about the normal things all day long, but the second the conversation takes a serious turn, he becomes totally mute and I do all the talking, which leaves me frustrated beyond belief! Does anyone have any tips that I can employ to help him become a better communicator?

[Ash123]

Hmmm, I don't know you obviously but here's a rough start.

Generally, men and women communicate differently. Not with one being right or wrong. Just differently (Mars and venus... ).
Some men are not "pros" at discussing feelings as much well as the type of engine in their car.
This is not inferior - in fact - it's good that a specific goal/object drives communication in men as a way to protect their nest. But learning to communicate
On what may be termed "serious" topics is not that far away... Some men may need help realizing that "real" topics can be... well, fun. Perhaps, your husband is "stuck" - and may never have learned to communicate with women past a flirty/dating/high-school way. And you may have to show them that you all can share other things too. But beyond that your "dynamic" comes into play. His respect for you. His relationship with his mother (yes, does he speak well with her on serious topics - a good cheat sheet for your life). How you all deal wth big issues - bills, kids, travel. If you want to share this stuff, great, if not - here's a ballpark idea that's not too personal: if he communicates well on "fun" topics - try not making serious topics so... serious. Like, "Okay, mr. big it's bill time. grab a beer and let's get this done."

Some things that would help understand your communication question:
Your rough ages?
Your vocation?
Your interests?
Your educations?
His likes/dislikes/hobbies?
Your hobbies?

The contrast may be too much for him ordinarily and he may feel defensive that "Serious" stuff is not something he can relate to you well about. Assuming he has feelings, perhaps relate it to what he likes (why asked about hobbies)... A Bad Example if he liked Softball and didn't like to talk finances: Our mortgage is like... Softball... it needs a clean-up hitter this month and I guess that's both of us dear... "-) best I can do for now. Start your communication on other things like... hmm intimacy- by showing him there's no penalty for telling you what's on his mind - it may just happen :-) The more you get frustrated the more he will. So, try to bring up "-) best i can do for now. Start your communication on other things like....hmm intimacy- by showing him there's no penalty for telling you what's on his mind - it may just happen :-) The more you get frustrated the more he will. So, try to bring up " topics at non-serious times - while driving or when talking about an upcoming event you are looking forward to. If still not getting results in a few weeks - A couples therapist would have some great ideas... if he didn't want to go, you could go on your own and pick their brain for a couple sessions... a couple hundred $$ and save you from being bitter years down the road... :-)

[Jualsy]

This is a "Guy" thing.
Nothing wrong with it... just a difference. Accept people for who they are... you cannot get him to change, he has to want to, and maybe he doesn't!

[rachie]

if you have been together 2 years, I assume this is somewhat serious... ask yourself... where is this going? :confused: do you want to raise a family with someone who can't communicate when the going gets tuff? Trust me, I have been there--you don't.
I suggest you evaluate your relationship seriously and make some decisions. Keep in mind that after marriage, any problems you had before will only get worse. People don't change who they are, and it is unfair to ask them to do so. If this guy is the quiet type, and doesn't like to talk about things the same way you do, fine. Can u live with that? If it is important to you to have a mature, loving relationship with open lines of communication, than you may want to reconsider what you are even doing with someone who is the opposite of that. I know u love him... but love is NOT enough. Relationships take commitment, and OPEN communcation, honesty, common values. Make sure you are satisfied with these things before you take this any further.