[anrol]

I've been going out with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now. He loves me very much and would do anything for me. However, there are a few issues I just can't seem to work myself around. I don't know whether I'm being selfish or whether it is actually time to walk away.

His mum has been diagnosed with manic depression/bipolar disorder for a couple years now and his brother has behavioural problems. As a result of this, he is his mums carer and does so much for her. He cooks, cleans, irons AND plays more of a parental role regarding his brother compared to his mum as he is the only one that can control him. He is also a full time university student and doesn't work, therefore he hasn't got much of an income, other than student loans/grants. He barely has enough to support himself, yet his mum still insists that he buys his own food, clothes, pays some of the bills and gives her a portion of his student loan each time it comes through. Recently, she's hinted me and him should get a place together so I can ''Look after him'' as I work and drive- which I am not very keen on as I'm still a student living with my parents. Realistically, she wouldn't even be able to cope on her own.

Also, him having to spend so much on the household means he never has enough money, he can't afford to take driving lessons, buy new clothes, and as a result, I personally think he's underweight.

He is my best friend and we have a lot in common, but lately, he has been down quite a lot and is constantly worrying about money. I've tried my best to be there for him but as selfish as this sounds, I feel like I want to distance myself. I feel so horrible because I know that I'm all he has, and I don't want to think of him suffering alone, but at the same time I can't imagine our future. With him constantly being his mother/brothers carer where does that leave me? Or should I say us?

I'm aware that the condition his mother has is hereditary and the thought of him or our future children developing this scares me even more. I haven't spoken to him about this as he is still having trouble dealing with everything and blocks me out sometimes when I do try. What do I do?

[talaniman]

You love support, and understand with a good heart, and open mind, but don't pity, or feel sorry for him as he will eventually do what he has to do. Its hard now, but after his education is over he will be able to get a job, and see how his future will be.

Relax, I understand your concerns, but you can't solve his problems. Don't try, just support.

[LuckyChucky13]

We can all agree that no one is perfect. Now that that's out of the way, whether you're with your current guy or you go and find a new partner somewhere down the road, you WILL find a few things about the new guy that may not be their best attribute in your opinion and will have new issues to deal with. The question you need to ask yourself - and hopefully be able to answer - is how much you're willing to put up with without feeling burdened by the whole thing. This guy may not be perfect, but he might be perfectly trying to please and be there for everyone around him.

I understand what is bothering you and understand your concerns, but let me put some things in perspective, and then decide for yourself what may be best for you:

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He cooks, cleans, irons AND plays a parental role, besides the fact that he would do anything for you.

He's most probably in his early twenties (still a university student), and to have the responsibility that he has and still be able to make time for you and go to university full time, I'd say he's a keeper. People at their chore rarely, if ever, change. They may change their views, their opinions, their attitude towards many things, their outlook on life... but who they are at their chore remains throughout their life. This guy is going to treat you in the future and be there for you just as he is for him mom and brother. This is not something I can say about many people nowadays.

I haven't spoken to him about this as he is still having trouble dealing with everything and blocks me out sometimes when I do try.

Good communication is key element in holding a relationship together, and I would love for nothing more than for him to open up to you completely and lay everything on the table so you have more to work with and make a better decision. Sometimes, however, when a guy does this it's because he doesn't want his problems becoming yours and doesn't want to burden you with his problems. It is a selfless act on his part and may be his way of saying to you that he would rather deal with things on his own and for you to just enjoy whatever quality time you have together. He may be unaware that this is one of the reasons you are thinking of distancing yourself. As his best friend, I would urge you to speak to him honestly about this now, because keeping it inside longer will only make it worse for you in the long run and the guilt feelings will also build up.

Anrol, this is a situation where the decision remains yours and your alone. The guy treats everyone around him right and deserves all the credit he can get. I agree with Talaniman... support your guy and let him know you're there for him regardless of his problems. The decision to stay or leave is for you to make.

And I agree, as well, that when he gets a job he will have one less worry (financial) and may take some pressure off him.

Good luck with this.