[A_cali]

Okay, so I've been seeing this girl for a little over a month now. We've been on quite a few dates and everything has honestly been perfect, every time were together we both have an awesome time.. never a dull moment. I will say things were going kind of fast but we were just going with it. We live 45 minutes away so we couldn't see each other as much as we like but that's okay cause we still have our lives. So like I said everything was perfect, she would tell me how much she's falling for me, that she misses me when were not together.. etc.

So the last time we hung out we spent the night together and had an awesome time, no complaints. This was on a Thursday, the next couple of days we talked but it was a lot less then normal (not worrying yet) then I made plans to do something with her but she had to cancel cause of family things (which is totally fine) so we planned to do something the next day. The next day came along and she had to cancel again cause she had to babysit her sisters kids... but keep in mind that before this she never cancled once. But stuff happens

So the night she cancelled last was Tuesday.. and we were talking on Facebook and she said "so I've been thinking" and I knew soon as she said that were this was going lol. She had told me that she thinks we need to slow down and that she doesn't think she can handle any type of relationship right now. She goes to school and has finals coming up soon so I know she's stressed out about that and plus with work she's just busy.

She continuted to tell me that she still has feelings for me and that she does want to be with me but she's terrified to give her heart away. But then she started saying she might just be stuck dealing with the past right now. So I asked her if she was wanting to slow it down.. or she just wanted to stop completely, she was very clear about it and said she just wants it to slow down... So anyway she was getting emotional and had to leave the conversation, we were both kind of upset.

I wasn't expecting to hear from her at all for a while and she texted me the next day and said "im sorry..I feel like a huge *******, I'm not good at this kind of stuff" and I'm thinking "what stuff" so even though this is not how I felt at all.. I said "ive been thinking and your right..we did kind of rush things and we should slow down, talk to you later"

Now this is what really confused me... I wasn't expecting to hear from her again and I got a text from her saying "heyyy" so I said "hey whatcha up to" and then I never heard anything back.. That doesn't make sense. Not wanting to blow up her phone I just left it at that. So I called her the next day and she didn't answer so I left a casual message saying "hey was just calling to say hi, I'm workin tonight so I might not be able to answer if you call, have a good night" didn't hear anything back... keeping in mind she has finals and she's super freakin busy.. I get it.

I forgot to add that she had told me prior to the whole slowing down thing that she said she was going to be a little MIA because of finals. So anyway I called her this past Sunday and she answered and we made small talk.. I didn't want to bring up anything and push her away, she had to go run some errands so she said she would call me back. She texted me later on at night and again we made small talk... then I had to go do something and told her I would text her later... and I haven't since. I kind of wanted her to wonder why I didn't get back to her. This was Sunday night.. its now Tuesday. She has two finals tomorrow so I know she's busy. What do you think of this situation? Is she just so busy that she doesn't have time to talk or what? We left off with me saying I would text her so I'm just really hoping that she tries to get a hold of me yeah know?

ANY response will help. I hope this wasn't too long but there was a lot of details that play a part in the situation. Thank you in advance

I'm just trippin cause I don't hear from her at all.. I get that she's busy but she can post stuff on Facebook but not just say hi or somethinggggg... I don't get it

[LuckyChucky13]

Cali,

I feel with you buddy. It's not easy left in limbo like this and it's not the last time you'll be left wondering what a girl wants (males are still to this day trying to figure this out, to no avail)...
... but more seriously...

You both are in school, so I would assume you're in your late teens to early twenties. This is the time where everyone begins to get to know themselves, and this period of self-exploration usually lasts into the late twenties to early thirties. For some people this differs, of course, but generally speaking, it's true.

Your girl might have had a change of mind and is not telling you the truth (at that age, most people would rather be silent than be honest, because they don't know how to deal with such things). Or she might have met someone else who has got her 'thinking', as she said...

Hard to say unless she's honest with you, but, if there's one thing I've learnt over the years, is that if something is on your mind about someone and you would like answers, ask them and see what they say. At the very least you'll stop killing yourself wondering about all the reasons she might be doing what she's doing and you'll walk away knowing you tried. I've heard so many times - especially from girls - that if a girl wants to be with you, she will stop at nothing in order to get there... this one seems like she's OK without your company.

My guess is it's best to leave her alone and let her have her space. If (and when, because she will) contact you again, be yourself without any expectations. Over time things will become clearer as to where she sees this 'relationship' going and you'll find it easier to make a decision at that point in time.

Hope you get your answers shortly. Good luck buddy.

[A_cali]

Thanks lucky for your reply! I appreciate it. But yea were both in our early twentys and in college so I know that age is a factor in all this. Its just a bummer cause there is no possible way I could have seen it coming. I played all my cards right, didn't blow up her phone, made her feel wanted and not needed and never came off as desperate.

I can't imagine her just throwing things away after they were going so good, I guess I'm just hoping that she really is just busy and needs a little time to figure things out. She's never had anything bad to say and she's always been honest (I think) so if she wanted to just stop I would imagine she would have just straight up told me.. since our communication was pretty good. I wish it could be plain and simple.. or at least give me a "hey F off" lol instead of this "i have feelings for you, i miss talking to you, your an amazing guy and i feel so much comfort from you" stuff that she's not acting on at the moment... ugh frusterated lol

[vanheart]

You got it.

Be cool. How about you being busy too.

The last thing a girl wants is pressure.

[talaniman]

It was fun but since things have slowed down, and you know she is busy, you just keep in touch as you go about your own life the way you did before you met.

I see this as you made a friend, but not a partner, even though there was sex involved and a lot of intensity. Obviously she hasn't made you a priority, so don't take it personal, or make the mistake of making her a priority.

Live your life, and if you hook up again, cool, if not, still cool. Flings are often like that.

[A_cali]

Yea tal that's kind of how I feel.. it just botheres me that if it is just sort of a fling or whatever why she would go the extent to say certain things, do certain things, make future plans etc. There would be no point in those things if you didn't mean it. I've had little flings before but we both weren't nearly as attached as this or went anywhere close to the extent of this one. So I don't know, as of now I'm not trying to reach out to her and hopefully she pulls her head out of "you know where". But your right.. if she comes back great, if not then its her loss I guess

[talaniman]

Little fling, big fling, its still an fling, and words are said in the moments of bliss.

That's how flings go.